


After the Fire

by threeplusfire



Series: Chat Fics with Three and Leon [2]
Category: Hat Films - Fandom, Hatfilms, The Yogscast
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fire, M/M, Multi, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Physical Abuse, References to Depression, Smoking, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 18:04:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 62,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7767829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threeplusfire/pseuds/threeplusfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Smith is running, from the ashes of a life he doesn't have any more. When he stops running it is in a little town full of hippies and farmers, and there he begins to piece himself back together. </p><p>Chris Trott is a hippie, and tells himself he believes only in the now, and only in the good of the world. He meets a stranger and tries to help him heal from the past, and finds that his own past isn't as buried as he thought.</p><p>Ross Hornby has and always will be a farmer. He is used to things staying the same, and watches others lives from the sidelines until he finds himself stepping into the ring for the two men he cares about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Crystal Hippie and a Health Goth Go Out to Eat](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/221551) by psylid. 



> Heed the warnings, PLEASE! This fic is long, and much of it is spent with the characters going through emotional turmoil and processing that. Sometimes they do this poorly, and like in real life it never happens fast.
> 
> This story deals with grief over a death, and a character's past abuse at the hands of a partner.
> 
> If you want more specific warnings or summaries, don't hesitate to message us on tumblr: [Three's askbox](http://threeplusfire.tumblr.com/ask) and [Leon's askbox](http://filthraven.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> This was inspired by a beautiful piece of art by Kez. The art can be found [ here](http://psylid.tumblr.com/post/147412699057/a-crystal-hippie-and-a-health-goth-go-out-to-eat)

**Leon** : im still staring at that health goth and crystal hippie thing

**Three** : it's so great right

**Leon** : how do they meet

**Leon** : farmers market

**Leon** : fighting over the last box of cherries

**Leon** : "I was here first!"

**Three** : yes

**Leon** : "Yeah but I got the BOX first while you were looking at the CARROTS"

**Leon** : "I had dibs!"

**Leon** : Smith is new to the area

**Leon** : Trott knows everyone who runs a stand at the farmers market by name

**Leon** : "Look, if I give you a jar of jam I make from them will you let me have the cherries?"

**Three** : "You know how to make jam?"

**Leon** : "Obviously. I don't want to die of scurvy when I can’t get as much fresh fruit and vegetables in winter"

**Leon** : "You don't know how to make jam? I'm surprised you managed to stumble your way into a farmers market then"

**Three** : "Fuck off." Smith grumbling, still holding the cherries. "Not all of us get to be raised by hippies."

**Leon** : "I wasn't raised by hippies. Is it a deal if I show you how to make jam too?"

**Three** : "Okay."

**Three** : Smith staring at him, half suspicious and half fascinated.

**Leon** : Trott tries to half ignore Smith as he follows him around while Trott gets all sorts of stuff. Smith has some random vegetables he wanted to try

**Leon** : Smith also regrets how much black he is wearing because it is hot out

**Three** : Trott probably makes some comment about how weird an assortment smith has in his bag.

**Leon** : "What are you going to make with that?"

**Three** : "Look, I just wanted to try them! I don't know."

**Leon** : "Where I lived before there wasn't a whole lot of stuff like this."

**Leon** : Trott is warming up to Smith because now he's not the asshole who tried to snag Trott's cherries, he's a kinda endearing newcomer who seemingly just wants to eat weird local vegetables

**Three** : "Where were you before this?"

**Three** : "Chicago"

**Three** : Smith has moved away because Reasons

**Three** : Going to try living in a smaller place

**Three** : Didn't really think it through carefully

**Leon** : Trott lives in an apartment like this

**Leon** : lots of art posters on the walls.

**Leon** : I associate all the hippie kids I went to school with with these types of apartments

**Leon** : converted older buildings with weird space usage

**Leon** : "Chicago? How's you wind up here?"

**Three** : "Long story. Needed a change. Kind of just picked a place at random off a real estate site."

**Leon** : "Well, welcome I guess. If you want to know good places to eat I know a few"

**Leon** : Trott is prickly but the kind of person who very willingly warms up to people. Big on the being kind to strangers, pay it forward sort of thing

**Three** : "Thanks." Smith sort of desperate to keep this guy talking because he's been here for a week and he doesn't know anyone and he's sort of worried he made a huge, huge mistake.

**Leon** :  How small is the town, really small town or sort of like where I am now, bit of a town, kinda spread out, but still nowhere near like Chicago

**Three** : I think not tiny

**Three** : but more like where you are I guess

**Leon** : so like here only less assholes and actually in town

**Three** : yes

**Three** : middle America

**Leon** : Trott works for some nonprofit environmentalist group

**Leon** : Does a lot of odd jobs, manages their publicity and online stuff. Hangs up fliers because everyone helps hang up fliers

**Leon** : Bikes to work

**Leon** : has a reeeeeally ancient car that is miraculously still running but only because he has a weird friend who is really good with cars (Ross? do we want Ross to be the quiet kid who grew up on a farm and doesn’t really look like a hippie but basically lives that life anyways?)

**Three** : (Ross as mechanic yes please)

**Leon** : Trott tries to set up Ross and Smith. All three fall in love. happy endings.

**Three** : hahah

**Leon** : Trott "I don't have time for a relationship I'm basically married to environmental activism!"

**Leon** : "Shut up and kiss us"

**Three** : Smith's building he lived in burned down, back in Chicago. He has very little. Basically all his things fit in his car.

**Leon** : But Smith, Trott offers to have smith come over. Wednesdays the organization closes early so Trott hits up the farmers market and spends the afternoon doing food stuff

**Leon** : Probably the only things he has is what’s in his car

**Leon** : and a few salvageable things

**Leon** : all the books and his tech were ruined between the smoke and the water

**Leon** : and then sitting for days until they declared the building safe

**Three** : Gets his renters insurance, and a big settlement check from the building

**Leon** : uses that to move

**Leon** : buys some new clothes. Not a lot. a couple pairs of black jeans. He has maybe a few shirts that weren’t totally ruined. His dresser was a sturdy heavy thing

**Leon** : gets his papers, thanks his foresight for buying a little firesafe, if only because it was on sale and he just wanted a place to stick everything so it wouldn’t keep getting lost

**Three** : I want to say it was a weird disaster thing, which is why he got the settlement check maybe from the city or property management

**Three** : gas pipes or something faulty

**Leon** : I was gonna say gasline

**Leon** : over pressurized, leaked

**Leon** : explosion

**Leon** : whole block of apartments gone, more damages

**Leon** : his was one of the "basically gone but not just a blackened foundation" buildings

**Leon** : Did he lose his guitar or have it in the car, and was he home or out when this happens

**Three** : He had his guitar in his car, because he'd been out somewhere. Maybe playing at some open mic coffee shop night.

**Three** : Comes home to see fire trucks blocking the street for a mile

**Leon** : "No, do not be my place, not my place" arguing with a cop that he needs to get home

**Leon** : (well congrats we made a perfectly good au sad in what, fifteen, twenty minutes?)

**Three** : (yeaaaaaaaaaah)

**Three** : (do we want it to be MORE sad or leave current sadness level)

**Leon** : (MORE SAD)

**Leon** : Does someone die, does his pet die

**Three** : His roommate and best friend Tom died.

**Leon** : home sleeping

**Three** : YEAH

**Leon** : and their smoke alarm would go off at nothing

**Leon** : so they took the battery out

**Leon** : disconnected it

**Leon** : because of all the kitchen mishaps

**Three** : Smith in hysterics, dialing Tom's number over and over.

**Three** : Doesn't find out for sure until the morning/day after

**Leon** : Smith was the one who suggested they just take the damn smoke detector and put it in a drawer

**Three** : Because sometimes they smoked in the kitchen and it would go off

**Leon** : Smith finds it in his desk

**Leon** : when they finally let him back in

**Leon** : Tom's room looks so much worse, one wall black. Fire got close, but it was the smoke and heat that were the problems

**Three** : Smith takes some of Tom's stuff

**Three** : He wants to run away, but also not to ever leave even though the Red Cross people have given him a time limit of how long he can stay in there

**Leon** : Tom's clothes that were sitting in the drier

**Leon** : his shirts anyways, his pants are too short for Smith

**Leon** : Smith hates knowing that they'll demolish the building

**Leon** : he leaves before they start

**Leon** : he can't see that, so he starts driving almost immediately after this last time he can get shit.

**Three** : Some weird collectible that Tom had. Tom's blanket that was on the couch in the living room.

**Leon** : Their weird mugs

**Three** : Their coffee cups yes

**Leon** : Tom's fancy lighter

**Leon** : the "wasted" baseball cap

**Three** : Has to pull over about half an hour later at some rest stop on the highway. Loses it.

**Leon** : the weird collectible, a porcelain toilet with a baby in it, that says goodbye cruel world

**Leon** : bought it together when out looking for cheap plates and cups when they first moved in

**Leon** : they couldn’t stop laughing

**Leon** : Middle of the afternoon, Smith parks at the far end of the lot at the rest stop

**Leon** : has his screaming sobbing breakdown

**Leon** : falls asleep in his car, wrapped up in toms blanket, an exhausted and emotionally drained nap

**Three** : he's been in a red cross hotel for a week. that's ending. has to find somewhere else to go.

**Leon** : gets up at dusk. starts driving again

**Three** : probably goes to tom's funeral and then just disappears on everyone.

**Three** : doesn't answer calls or texts or emails.

**Leon** : thinks about going back to the hotel after the funeral

**Leon** : he has everything in his car

**Leon** : just leaves

**Leon** : How much family does he have?

**Leon** : I'm guessing not a ton

**Three** : distant family he doesn't talk to much

**Leon** : Tom was his family, basically

**Leon** : Tom's family are the ones who call him

**Leon** : They half adopted him, for all the holidays, family get togethers

**Three** : that's probably the only call he answers

**Leon** : Tom's mom

**Leon** : He emails her when he gets a place

**Three** : Smith crying on the phone, explaining it is too hard and he can't be here right now.

**Leon** : say's he'll be in touch later, but he can't right now.

**Leon** : She tells him that's okay, if ever he needs anything to call them.

**Leon** : Just because Tom's gone doesn't mean they don't care about him anymore, Tom would never forgive them if they let his best friend go without a family or help

**Three** : Smith just ends up driving for two days, and stops because he's in a little town and he's exhausted.

**Leon** : Sees a few "for rent signs"

**Leon** : Wonders if he can get a job here.

**Three** : Smith has had a ton of jobs

**Three** : barista, waiter, retail, all that sort of thing

**Leon** : Figures he'll just take whatever

**Leon** : Knows he's fired from his other ob for not showing for a week straight

**Leon** : maybe called at off hours and left a message with HR, something retail probably. "Since my place burned down, I'll be moving, and so I'm quitting. Sorry."

**Leon** : Gets an apartment. finds one that someone pulled out on the lease last minute so is available now.

**Leon** : brings the few boxes of stuff up

**Leon** : has another breakdown when he just looks at the tiny cluster of stuff in the middle of this barren apartment

**Three** : Just sits there on the floor, his back against the wall.

**Leon** : had camping gear in his car. for all the weird weekend adventures

**Leon** : sleeps in a sleeping bag on his foam pad for a week

**Three** : has another moment when he finds tom's stuff in his camping gear

**Leon** : an extra sleeping bag

**Leon** : and extra pad

**Leon** : maps with toms annotations on them

**Three** : sleeps with tom's blanket.

**Leon** : "lots of bugs here :("

**Leon** : "fuck this hill."

**Leon** : "great view 10/10, would camp again"

**Three** : "SNAKES"

**Three** : "Nice place"

**Leon** : "20Jun13: can hear people banging across the lake. sound really does travel across water"

**Leon** : Toms field guides

**Leon** : and binoculars

**Three** : Smith who buys a coffee maker, a frying pan, a spatula and some towels with his last red cross visa gift card. still doesn't have furniture really. has tom's things in the closet by the front door. sometimes just sits on the floor looking at them.

**Three** : thinks about how he should at least try to buy a chair or something

**Three** : goes to target late at night and tries to buy some things. gets a couple kitchen things. gets overwhelmed and goes home.

**Three** : still no furniture.

**Leon** : Trott gets some of this out of him when he's at his place. Because he suggests Smith come help him make jam

**Three** : feels kind of like he's run out of energy or ability to do anything.

**Leon** : Smith makes a comment about not having furniture

**Leon** : and not feeling like he can get any

**Three** : Smith realizing he won't be able to make jam because he has no kitchen things

**Leon** : Trott gets people who have second hand furniture, tells Smith he at least needs a table and a bed and some chairs.

**Leon** : Smith probably wandered to the farmers market because he just can't deal with being in the apartment

**Leon** : so he walks

**Leon** : and he figured he might as well buy some food while he was out

**Leon** : follows Trott to his place

**Leon** : It smells like incense, and Trott has comfy furniture and weird rocks and things everywhere

**Leon** : Smith laughs a bit seeing it

**Three** : It was something to do and he was hungry and tired of staring at the walls

**Leon** : "What?"

**Three** : Smith has forgotten how nice it is to sit in a chair

**Leon** : "Nothing. This place just. It suits you"

**Three** : "Why do you have so many rocks?"

**Leon** : Trott frowns at him, but it breaks into a smile

**Leon** : "All sorts of hippie shit. And they're pretty"

**Leon** : Trott is vaguely into some things, but mostly just likes rocks

**Leon** : Has potted plants everywhere

**Leon** : Got gifted a spider plant and now has a dozen

**Three** : Trott totally grows herbs in little pots everywhere

**Leon** : pothos climbing around the doorway into the kitchen

**Leon** : and a windowsill full of planters with herbs

**Three** : Smith's probably been living on fast food, and feels awful, and had this crazy idea he'd buy some vegetables and eat them.

**Three** : He's had such a hard time being around people

**Three** : But Trott's strangely easy

**Leon** : Trott doesn’t ask a lot of personal questions, tells him about the area

**Leon** : his job, how long he's been there

**Leon** : explaining what he's doing when he actually starts making the jam

**Leon** : sets Smith to pitting cherries after he's explained how the cherry pitter works

**Three** : Smith eating the occasional cherry, sitting there with a bowl in his lap

**Leon** : Trott takes off a lot of his rings and bracelets while cooking

**Leon** : Takes off his overshirt, apron on over his tank top

**Three** : Just listening to Trott's stream of talking about jam

**Leon** : Trott has pretty geometric tattoos on his  upper arm and shoulder and down his back

**Leon** : "These cherries are sour."

**Leon** : Trott smiles at him "Yes, but when you have to add so much sugar to the jam, that doesn’t matter"

**Leon** : All Trott's drygoods he buys from the food co-op

**Leon** : and they go into big jars

**Leon** : which sit on the table he has in his kitchen

**Leon** : Spices on a rack above it

**Three** : Smith thinks maybe this is weird, just hanging out in the kitchen of a stranger, who he has known for all of 45 minutes now

**Three** : But really, he has nothing else to do.

**Leon** : "Do you want some tea or something?"

**Three** : "Sure."

**Leon** : "I have some cookies too"

**Leon** : oatmeal chocolate chip peanut butter cookies

**Leon** : chocolate is one of Trott’s few indulgences

**Three** : Smith is functioning in this weird world of just putting one foot ahead and not thinking about anything.

**Three** : He probably knows he is horrifically depressed but doesn't really know what to do about it.

**Three** : What kind of tea does Trott have

**Leon** : Trott can tell there's something up with Smith, but he isn't going to pry

**Three** : Smith does not even remember the last time he had tea

**Leon** : Trott starts rattling off the assortment of teas he has

**Leon** : fruity ones, a lot of various black teas

**Leon** : some green teas

**Leon** : "Oh, this white tea is very good"

**Three** : Smith is stymied by so much choice.

**Three** : "That's a lot of tea."

**Leon** : Trott just looks at Smith's expression and says "how about some green tea? it’s got fruit in it."

**Leon** : "I'll even let you put honey in it"

**Three** : "Sure." Smith's little flash of a smile, that disappears quick. It lights him up for a minute.

**Leon** : He's trying to be kind to this guy who seems very lost and unhappy

**Leon** : Trott makes a pot of tea, he's got some gorgeous teapot

**Leon** : there was one the old caretaker of rokeby had...let me find it

**Three** : "It's very nice of you to show me this. And the tea." Smith hopes he hasn't just ruined some guy's nice quiet afternoon. touches a rock on a shelf.

**Leon** : similar to that one, with more branches and reddish tree details on a black

**Three** : Burns his tongue drinking his tea before it cools off

**Leon** : Trott passes him a spoon and a jar of honey

**Leon** : Smith just looks at it, and Trott pulls the mug back and puts a spoonful in each of their mugs

**Three** : "Is that a thing?"

**Leon** : "Is what a thing?"

**Leon** : Trott has put his mug of tea on top of the fridge, stirring the pot of cherries on the stove

**Three** : "A fancy honey spoon." Smith's looking at it. "I should get a spoon. I don't have one."

**Leon** : "You don't have a spoon?"

**Leon** : Trott has abandoned his stirring and is looking at Smith with a frown

**Leon** : his "helping strangers" radar is pinging

**Three** : "No, I don't have any silverware really. I had some plastic forks from KFC, but. I just. Haven't got any real ones."

**Three** : Smith's slowly stirring his tea, looking down at his cup.

**Leon** : "Plastic forks from KFC."

**Leon** : Trott repeats, trying to get somewhere between incredulous and kind

**Three** : Smith can hear the judgy tone.

**Three** : Hunches his shoulders defensively.

**Three** : "I just haven't gotten around to it, okay."

**Leon** : "Okay. Is there a reason you haven't? Do you need help or anything?"

**Three** : Smith looks up at him, and there's little moment where he just looks miserable.

**Three** : "It just seemed too hard. I don't know. I should do it. I know it is stupid."

**Leon** : "It's probably not stupid sunshine."

**Leon** : Trott wonders if it would be weird to offer to take Smith shopping. He is absolutely a bleeding heart and Smith just screams "I am in a terrible place in need of a friend"

**Three** : "I didn't have... well. Everything I own fits in my car with enough room to put another person in there."

**Leon** : "But you have a place?"

**Three** : "Yeah, I found an apartment that's not far from the park."

**Three** : The farmer's market is totally in the park

**Leon** : "But no furniture"

**Three** : "No furniture."

**Leon** : "Okay." Trott goes quiet for a minute, gets the phone off the cradle and looks at a collection of numbers on random scraps of paper taped to his fridge, dials one.

**Leon** : "Hey Karen, its Trott. Do you still have that sofa you were trying to get rid of? Awesome, yeah, I have a friend who is looking for some furniture. Oh a table too? How much did you want for them? I'll throw in some jam as well if you want." Trott covers the receiver and says to Smith "thirty dollars okay?"

**Three** : "Uh, yeah." Smith looks startled.

**Leon** : "He says that’s fine, are you around this evening?" Trott looking at Smith for confirmation this is okay.

**Three** : Smith nods.

**Three** : He thinks there is no polite way to say "I just sit around in my apartment wondering why I'm alive."

**Leon** : "Can we borrow the truck too? I'll fill it up for you before we bring it back. Thanks so much Karen, I'll bring the jam over in a couple days. Tell Susan and the kids I say hi"

**Leon** : Hangs up the phone and says to Smith "Well we have you a couch and table now. They've been up in the attic of her barn, covered and everything, but they might smell a bit like hay and be dusty"

**Three** : "I feel like maybe I'm in a Twilight Zone episode. Um. Thanks though."

**Three** : Smith thinks a couch is probably a good idea. He can sit on it, and sleep on it.

**Leon** : "Just do something kind for someone else when you're able to."

**Leon** : "Karen is good people. If you want I can ask around and see if anyone else has furniture they are looking to get rid of"

**Three** : "I mean, a couch is fine. That's all I need." Smith looks at his hands, feeling a little overwhelmed. Composes himself.

**Leon** : "But how are you going to cook and eat your cauliflower and beets if you don't have silverware or cookware?"

**Three** : "I bought a frying pan and a spatula. And I still have a couple plastic forks.

**Three** : Smith realizes.

**Three** : "Shit. I don't have a knife."

**Leon** : "We can stop by the thrift store if you like. It’s on the way to Karen's, they close at seven"

**Three** : "Do you have to peel a beet?"

**Three** : Smith's never cooked a beet. He's eaten them a couple times.

**Leon** : "Give me a hand with these jars, and yes, with ones that size you do"

**Leon** : Smith pulling the jars out of the boiling water, tipping the water back into the pot

**Leon** : Trott gives him an oven mitt shaped like a trout to turn them over on a dishtowel

**Three** : "Well this seems totally safe."

**Three** : "Hahah, trout."

**Leon** : "What?"

**Three** : "Trott, trout."

**Leon** : Trott rolls his eyes and bumps his hip against Smith's

**Three** : Smith is surprised, and almost drops a jar.

**Leon** : "Now look, you have to be careful not to overcook the pectin or the jam will be all runny

**Leon** : "Wait for it to come back to a full boil first, it shouldn’t stop when you stir. Then keep stirring it" Trott has a little timer he sets

**Leon** : Pours in the sugar and pectin

**Leon** : waits, passes off the spoon to Smith so he can stir while Trott gets the lids out of the little saucepan of hot water

**Three** : Smith peering at the pot, stirring clockwise, then counterclockwise, zig zagging through the cherries

**Leon** : "Okay, I'll pour if you hold the funnel over the jars"

**Leon** : Trott carefully holding the pot as Smith holds the metal funnel, moving it from jar to jar.

**Leon** : "Leave space at the top, that’s how you get the jars to seal"

**Three** : It takes his mind off things to have something to do. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Smith thinks he really needs to get a job.

**Three** : It's also very strange to think he's making jam

**Three** : Smith has never made jam.

**Leon** : Trott has Smith put the lids on, screw the bands down tight, and then put them back in the pot of boiling water

**Leon** : "Now we wait for ten minutes"

**Three** : "You boil the jars?" Smith peers over Trott's head. "That's so weird."

**Leon** : "That the actual canning part, you force the air out by putting it in hot water, and this finishes cooking the jam. when you take it back out the lids seal to the jars as they cool, keeping them from spoiling."

**Leon** : "Science, and delicious jam"

**Three** : "Huh."

**Three** : "Cool."

**Leon** : "Do you want beets for dinner? I have some beef I was thawing, should be enough for two people."

**Leon** : Trott is not a vegetarian, but Trott gets all his meat from a local farm

**Three** : "You don't have stuff to be doing? Or people? Or something?" Smith wonders if Trott is just bored and lonely, or if he seems to be radiating pathetic vibes of 'please feed me' or something.

**Leon** : "Wednesdays I only work in the mornings. Sometimes I have friends over for dinner, or go to a friends. Usually I cook something with what I got from the farmers market. I try not to make too many  plans on Wednesdays, and just let the afternoon happen" Trott shrugs.

**Leon** : "If there are people who could use a decent meal, I'll gladly have them for dinner"

**Three** : "Pick up a lot of strays at the farmer's market?" Smith jokes.

**Leon** : "Never, but I did once drive an hour out of my way because I picked up a hitch hiker and he had the most incredible stories"

**Three** : "What?" Smith laughs. "God, that never would happen in Chicago."

**Leon** : "I am in the habit of helping people. I've had a lot of people help me in my life, and we can't survive without relying on each other. If I can give it, I will, and I know the limits to what I can do and give. I can't make huge changes as just one person. The world is a terrible fucked up place sometimes, but if I can make it better for one person, that's more than worth it."

**Three** : Smith just sort of looks at him. Two weeks ago, he would have had some great snarky comeback for this moment. But now, he's got nothing.

**Three** : He just sort of nods, and looks at the plants on Trott's kitchen windowsill.

**Three** : "Thanks," he says in a quiet voice.

**Three** : "I should go to an atm, get some cash for the couch and gas and all."

**Leon** : "I'll take care of the gas, but we can do that. There's one on the way to the thrift store if you want to walk with me while the jam cools? We can get you a knife for any other vegetables that strike your fancy" Trott smiles at him, finishes putting the jars at the back of the counter and moving the pots and utensils to his sink

**Three** : "Sure." Smith watches, finishing off his tea that's too sweet now that he's gotten to the bottom of the cup. He thinks he probably hasn't had this much conversation since he got here, aside from renting the apartment.

**Three** : He finds the plants intriguing. There's so many.

**Three** : He's never seen anyone with houseplants in every room.

**Leon** : "Well lets go then" Trott watches him touching the leaves on one of the plants

**Leon** : (I can't believe I’m trying to find rock symbolism shit for an AU.)

**Three** : (OF COURSE YOU ARE)

**Leon** : (Keep talking about them going to the thrift store, I’ll find the right rock in a bit)

**Three** : Smith follows Trott along the sidewalk. He's not used to how not crowded it is, or the minimal traffic, or any of it. He feels like he's in some dream he can't wake up from. The ATM has an astonishing balance, the insurance money come in from his renter's policy and it's more money than he's ever had at once and it makes him feel weird. Follows Trott down the street while Trott points out a restaurant, some random little stores. A coffee shop.

**Three** : The thrift store is full of weird junk, and part of him just hurts at how much he wants to show Tom the taxidermied bird perched over the counter, or the weird embroidered bible verses.

**Three** : It feels weird to be buying things.

**Three** : He buys four plates and four bowls, a couple glasses and a handful of silverware. A kitchen knife.

**Three** : Trott tells him about the little grocery right under his apartment, but there's a bigger chain supermarket that has everything like windex and toilet paper and stuff down the road.

**Leon** : Trott finds a few nice pots for very cheap

**Leon** : tells Smith he should get them

**Three** : Smith nods, looking at these bags of things.

**Leon** : "do you need a stuffed tiger?" Trott says, holding one up that looks very very strange

**Leon** : Trott is perfectly straight faced, looking at the animal consideringly

**Three** : "No, I think I'm good." Smith bites the inside of his cheek because it's terribly like something Tom would have said.

**Three** : "Why is it so weird looking?"

**Leon** : "Don't say that! you'll hurt its feelings" Trott puts the tiger back

**Leon** : "Perhaps a shirt from last year's cancer charity run?"

**Leon** : "No? Alright. Let’s get you your furniture"

**Three** : "Ugh, running."

**Three** : "That sounds horrible."

**Leon** : Trott puts a hand on Smith's back as they walk out, without thinking. Stops instantly when he feel's Smith startle

**Three** : Smith fumbles, but does not drop his bag of dishes.

**Three** : Mortified with himself.

**Three** : He wants to explain but he also doesn't want to explain because that requires saying things out loud.

**Leon** : "My car is parked down here, it’s sort of a ways to walk from the apartment, but I don't use it much"

**Leon** : Trott watching Smith carefully, but he's not going to comment. Big believer in just waiting and letting things happen when they will, and people are ready

**Three** : "Um sure. Or I have mine, if you want me to drive?" Smith gestures in the direction of the park. "I've just been driving to KFC. Or around. Trying to get used to the roads."

**Leon** : "Sure, we can do that. I'll direct you, and we'll leave it at Karen's until we bring her truck back"

**Three** : There's so many trees. Smith does like that about this weird little town.

**Three** : It's shady and nice as they walk.

**Three** : I think Smith's in something relatively newly built.

**Three** : someone has renovated an old warehouse or something

**Three** : cut it up into apartments with brick walls

**Leon** : "I remember when they built these, are they nice inside?" Trott has been here a while

**Three** : "I suppose, yeah. Come on, we can drop this off so we're not carrying breakable things everywhere."

**Three** : "I like the bricks. Reminds me of home."

**Leon** : "Is Chicago home?"

**Three** : "Yeah. I grew up there."

**Three** : Smith unlocks his door, leaves it open for Trott as he walks into the kitchen. It's got lots of light, big floor to ceiling windows on one end looking towards the park. Brick walls. High ceiling. A door on the other side of the living room to the bedroom and bathroom. A very empty space. Just smith's makeshift bed in the bedroom. A coffee maker and a mug on the counter.

**Three** : Black kitchen counters, dark reddish wood cabinets

**Leon** : Trott tries not to feel horribly sad looking at this place, and he is very much wondering how someone who clearly loves where he's from wound up here, in basically the middle of nowhere, in an empty apartment

**Leon** : It still smells like new paint, and something Trott can't quite place

**Three** : Smith can't quite look at Trott. He doesn't want to know what he's thinking about this empty apartment. Picks up the empty takeout boxes from various fast food places and stuffs them into a bag.

**Three** : grabs his car key off the kitchen counter.

**Three** : "Do you like music?"

**Leon** : "Yes Smith, I do like music."

**Leon** : "Sometimes the park has live shows, they haven't announced the one for next month yet."

**Three** : "Okay, that's good, because I leave the stereo on in the car nonstop."

**Leon** : Trott lets himself be herded out the door

**Leon** : Newly determined that he is going to find Smith furniture

**Leon** : Because a couch is good, but he needs a lot more than that

**Three** : Smith drives them carefully to Karen's place, following Trott's directions.

**Three** : "I hope you're not taking me out here to murder me. As you can tell, I don't have anything to steal."

**Leon** : "No, of course not. And if I wanted to murder you wouldn’t I have done it in my own apartment?" Trott finally places the smell. Smith's car still smells like smoke from all the things he took from the apartment. He doesn’t say anything, and its one more piece in a confusing picture that is Smith

**Three** : "Maybe you didn't want to mess up your nice rocks."

**Three** : Smith's hands are tight on the wheel. He's quit smoking since he got here, and he misses it horribly and doesn't know what to do with his hands anymore.

**Leon** : (in his guitar case, Smith has stuck the ridiculous Christmas photocard he and Tom kept from the ones they sent out. Mostly to Toms family and to a few friends. Tom in antlers, Smith in a Santa hat holding curly ribbons as reins. The little side "Happy holidays!" with a snowflake background. It was taped to the fridge. The last thing Smith took on his way out)

**Leon** : "Well, even so. No murdering. Turn here, it’s a long driveway. We'll go up to the house first, say hi to Karen and get the keys for the truck"

**Three** : Smith nosing the car cautiously up the driveway.

**Three** : "Not going to shoot at a strange car is she?"

**Leon** : "No, she only keeps the gun for rabid animals"

**Leon** : "And its locked in a safe."

**Three** : "Well that's good. No one in Chicago keeps their gun locked up."

**Leon** : Trott shakes his head as Smith parks up by the house. There's a few chickens looking at them reproachfully

**Leon** : "Do you want to come in or stay out here?" Trott unbuckles and shoos chickens away. Saying hi to the bouncy dog who wants to slobber all over him

**Three** : "I'll come help. I mean, you're not going to put a couch in a truck by yourself."

**Leon** : "couch is in the barn silly. Karens kids can be a lot, this house gets noisy, especially when company is over"

**Three** : Smith shrugs. "It's fine." He will just follow along, he thinks.

**Leon** : Trott climbs up the porch, knocks on the door loudly

**Leon** : He can hear the kids running around inside

**Three** : Smith stands there with his hands in his pockets, looking around at the trees and the place.

**Leon** : door opens, one of the kids

**Leon** : eight or nine, shouts to her mom

**Leon** : "MOM TROTTS HERE"

**Leon** : "AND HE BROUGHT SOME OTHER GUY"

**Three** : Smith raises his eyebrows at Trott, a half smile on his face.

**Leon** : Trott smiles back at him

**Leon** : Greets Karen with a hug, she's one of those people with curly hair that just never seems to stay in a ponytail

**Leon** : "Karen, this is my friend Smith. He just moved to the area and needs some furniture"

**Leon** : "Hi, nice to meet you! Sadie, please I'm trying to talk to Trott and his friend. I just put dinner in the oven, do you both want to come in for a cup of tea?"

**Leon** : Switching between talking to her daughter and talking to Trott and Smith

**Three** : Smith wonders if everyone just offers everyone tea here.

**Three** : He just shrugs at Trott. Smith doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

**Leon** : "I think we'll pass, thank you though. Maybe we drop off the truck?"

**Leon** : "Well come inside while I find the keys, Susan drove it last and I have no idea where she put them."

**Leon** : Trott lets Smith go in front of him, takes off his shoes and they follow Karen into the kitchen

**Three** : Smith feels like he's in a film.

**Three** : There's a painting of a rooster on the wall.

**Three** : He feels very out of place.

**Leon** : Karen rambles about the kids, the farm, Trott tells her about how things are going with his work. Trott stands by Smith, unsure if he wants to be included in the conversations

**Three** : Smith's listening, picking up the odd fact or two about Trott.

**Three** : He hasn't figured out how to be social again yet.

**Leon** : They get the keys, Trott says the goodbyes and they go back outside. "Was that too much?"

**Leon** : Worried that Smith being all quiet is him being unhappy

**Three** : "No. Sorry." Smith wonders how to explain. "I'm just a little weird right now. Everything's so different here."

**Leon** : "I imagine so. I couldn't handle myself really well when living in the city. Its why I moved here, after I got the job."

**Leon** : "Not everyone is quite so open with their houses, but the sort of community of people I associate with tend to be"

**Three** : "Where did you live?" Smith wants to know. It's easier, just to ask Trott questions.

**Leon** : (what do you think. West coast? east coast?)

**Three** : (east coast totally)

**Leon** : (Trott probably has a masters in like, environmental policy)

**Three** : (Boston?)

**Leon** : "Boston, new York for a while."

**Three** : "Huh. What did you do there?"

**Leon** : "School for a while. Then I worked for the government for a bit, but that was exhausting. Never really felt like you were making a difference. Worked for a different organization for a while, then moved here after a friend of a friend told me about the ob"

**Three** : "You like it better here than the cities?"

**Leon** : "Yes. There’s a lot of things I do miss about being in a city don't get me wrong. But after a while I couldn't stand it."

**Leon** : Trott Drives the truck down the driveway to the barn, gets Smith to help him open the door. There’s a little tractor inside, and stacks of hay bales. a cat jumps up from where it was napping in the hay to disappear into a corner. Trott flicks on the lights, one below and one in the loft above.

**Leon** : "Couch should be up here" And he climbs the stairs up to the little platform. There’s some bikes up there, spare equipment. And some tarps covering some furniture.

**Three** : Smith hopes there's nothing living in the couch.

**Three** : But at least this won't be like hauling a couch up four flights of stairs.

**Three** : "How come you didn't like it, in the end?" he asks, curious about what Trott likes and what he doesn't.

**Leon** : "I felt stifled by all the people. It felt like I had to constantly be on, and things never quite stopped. It was exhausting for me. And I worked too much, and the jobs were a lot of stress. I was running from that a bit as well."

**Three** : "Well. That makes sense." Smith goes down the stairs first with the sofa. The cat races past.

**Leon** : The sofa is long, a dark green fabric with the arm rests a bit worn. Trott climbs up into the truck to get the sofa in.

**Leon** : "I know you haven't been here long, but hopefully you'll enjoy being here."

**Three** : Smith is just grateful it looks long enough for him to stretch out on.

**Three** : "I can't get used to how quiet it is," Smith admits. "It's hard to sleep. I'm so used to the background noise."

**Three** : "And being able to just stand in the middle of a sidewalk and not be run into instantly. That weird."

**Leon** : Trott laughs at that "That was a hard adjustment for me in the city. That and people don't say hello when you pass them"

**Three** : "Everyone keeps trying to talk to me, even the kid at the KFC. I don't know what to say."

**Leon** : "You'll pick it up. Mostly it’s just local news. the weather. Completely clichéd but true" The table is easier. Its light compared to the sofa. They tetris the two things together and get back in the truck

**Leon** : "You can try to find something on the radio if you want, but it only goes one direction for stations"

**Leon** : Trott driving them back the short distance into town, while Smith fiddles with the ancient stereo

**Three** : At least it is only one flight up to his apartment. They set it down in the middle of the room, and Smith scoots it across the wood floor slowly to put it nearer the window.

**Leon** : "Do you want to put your blankets on it?" Trott asks, not sure what will be helpful for Smith

**Leon** : The table went in the little area by the kitchen

**Three** : "I don't know. I guess that's probably the thing to do." Carries his sleeping bag over and drapes it across the end. Sort of clutches Tom's blanket and folds it carefully over. He's been using it as a pillow.

**Leon** : Trott watches him, the moment where Smith presses his face into the blanket and hugs it before he slowly puts it down

**Three** : "Well. Now I have a couch."

**Leon** : (quilt, some nerdy comforter patterned with star wars images, or just a plain green or blue comforter?)

**Three** : (I was thinking that it was a comforter, maybe a dark grey or a blue. The kind of thing Tom would wrap around himself and sit on the sofa in the morning with his coffee)

**Leon** : (grey then. very comfortable and warm.)

**Leon** : "Sit on it, see if you like it. It doesn’t have to be forever, but it should be good for now."

**Three** : "I'm sure it is totally fine. It will be better than the floor."

**Three** : Smith sits anyways, and looks out at the window.

**Three** : "Thanks. For the help and all."

**Leon** : "Of course Smith. You don't have to keep thanking me." Trott sits down with him, looking out the window too

**Leon** : The glowy evening light

**Leon** : "We should go return the truck, if you'd like to come back to my place for dinner, you are more than welcome"

**Three** : "I've taken up a lot of your time." Smith follows Trott back to the truck. The radio is playing something random. There's nothing out here he recognizes.

**Three** : "I mean, it sounds nice, but you don't have to just because this is apparently fucking Mayberry or something."

**Leon** : Trott snorts

**Leon** : "Well you seem like a decent person Smith. I wouldn't say you could if I didn't want to. I'm not going to decide for you, so think about it while we drive

**Leon** : Trott offers him a hand to help him up

**Three** : Smith feels strange about how nice everyone is. It's so different.

**Three** : He finally decides to take Trott up on dinner just because he doesn't have anything other than the random stuff he bought at the farmer's market, and coffee, and a loaf of bread.

**Leon** : Trott makes a really nice dinner, lets Smith pick something out from his music collection to play on Trott's stereo

**Leon** : Eating in the living room, Trott cross legged on the floor, and Smith on Trott's couch

**Three** : Smith feels faintly self conscious. All his clothes are black. He doesn't have any not black. Trott's home is colorful and light.

**Leon** : Trott asks him about Chicago, did he go to school, what jobs has he had, piecing together that Smith is about his age

**Three** : Smith explaining he has a useless liberal arts degree that he just sort of scraped through.

**Three** : A string of random service jobs.

**Three** : He feels very awkward and wonders what the hell anyone thinks.

**Three** : Leaves out anything about meeting Tom in college and how his grades were so bad because he spent more time hanging out with Tom than studying.

**Three** : Smith has a history degree.

**Leon** : Trott asks him about hobbies, jokes that he hasn’t seen a new movie in ages, but asks what Smith likes for movies

**Leon** : after a little while Trott decides it will probably be okay to ask "Were you happy in Chicago?"

**Three** : Smith looks away, and back. Wonders what to say. "Everything was great."

**Leon** : "Well, I hope that maybe someday you can go back, or things will be great here in a different way." Trott picks up their plates

**Leon** : When he comes back he rummages around in the drawer for pencils on the desk covered in newspaper articles, books, random pens and batteries, and a laptop, pretty much the only technology he has.

**Leon** : Trott keeps pretty rocks in this drawer, clearly

**Three** : Smith hasn't replaced his computer yet. all he has is his phone.

**Leon** : Trott grabs two and gives them to Smith, holding out his hand and waiting for Smith to let him drop the rocks into his palm. He picked out a pinkish stone and a clear one that when held up to the light is a hazy grey

**Three** : "What?"

**Three** : Smith rolls them around in his hand.

**Leon** : "I don't necessarily believe in rocks having magic powers. But maybe just thinking they do helps. Either way, this one is rose quartz. Hear me out on this, it’s all about love, including for yourself. And forgiveness, and peaceful and calm emotions. Some other stuff too. But you seem like a little love and peace would do you good." Trott eyes Smith, pointing to the other one "And this one is also quartz, Smokey Quartz, is apparently about grounding you, and helping keep you protected, and safe from negative things. Including negative emotions."

**Leon** : "So keep those, and even if you don't believe in it, at least you'll have something in your pocket that is beautiful, and yours."

**Leon** : (you have no idea how many rocks I went through to decide on those two)

**Three** : Smith just stares at him for a minute. Opens his mouth to make some sarcastic comment. Shuts it.

**Leon** : Trott lets smith sit on the couch, watering his plants, swapping out the incense that went out while they were getting Smith's new furniture

**Three** : Smith wants to go home and cry, and curl up on his couch.

**Leon** : "I'm going to wash the dishes Smith. you're welcome to stay as late as you like. Just let me know if you need anything, or when you decide to go back to your apartment." Trott wants to call it home, but he also knows that the apartment doesn't feel like home to Smith. And he doesn’t want to call it that until Smith does.

**Three** : "I should get out of your hair. Thanks for today. It was nice, um, meeting you and buying your friend's couch and having dinner. And thanks for the rocks."

**Leon** : "You're welcome Smith"

**Leon** : Trott writes his numbers down for Smith. "I barely use my cellphone, but if you want to text I'll keep it handy. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. Do you want me to check in on you in a few days?"

**Three** : "You don't need to..." Smith realizes there is no way he can avoid Trott in this tiny town. Everyone probably knows everyone.

**Leon** : Smith has been getting a lot of "Oh are you new in town?"

**Three** : It feels unsettling to be so noticed by strangers.

**Leon** : from the delivery people, who probably remember the last tenants of his apartment

**Three** : He's not used to that.

**Leon** : "If I don't see you, I'll call. In the mean time, take care Smith. And take some of this jam with you." Trott gives him a few jars

**Three** : Smith lines them up on his counter.

**Three** : Probably hides inside for a day or two.

**Leon** : Trott's handwritten "Cherry Jam" and the date on the lids

**Leon** : I should get some sleep

**Leon** : we should talk about this tomorrow.

**Three** : me too whoops

**Three** : I have work in the morning

**Leon** : maybe eventually pull Ross into this

**Three** : WHY DID WE MAKE ANOTHER AU

**Leon** : Smith's car has a minor issue

**Leon** : "I've got a friend" Trott says

**Leon** : Because Kez drew good art, and maybe if we chat this up I'll clean it up in a doc and then we can inflict this on everyone else.

**Three** : HAHAH

**Three** : oh man

**Three** : lovely


	2. Chapter 2

**Leon** : I think Trott often is a jeans, t-shirt or tank top, and then a fancy shirt over that sort of person

**Leon** : perpetually in sandals until it gets cold

**Three** : fucking hippies man

**Three** : I can see Trott wearing those crinkly cotton hippie skirts

**Leon** : yep over some leggings, still wearing sandals though

**Three** : Trott is like a colorful bird

**Three** : I spent A LOT of time thinking about Smith today

**Leon** : Smith is fascinated by how Trott can manage to make the colors look good together

**Leon** : alright, let’s talk about Smith

**Three** : Smith is just all black everything

**Three** : except the underwear

**Leon** : oooh of course

**Leon** : weird patterns and neon and novelty boxers

**Three** : in part because goth rock dude but also because he's sad

**Three** : I was also thinking about what he might do for work

**Three** : my conclusions are he either goes to work in the postal/shipping store, or becomes a mail man who goes out to deliver the mail because he's got a car and it's a tiny office that doesn't even have a proper postal truck

**Leon** : Excellent

**Leon** : another mailman smith au

**Three** : I was just thinking delivering mail gives him time to mope

**Three** : or carrying around packages in the building

**Leon** : I like the idea of him working sorting the mail

**Leon** : he's alone, he doesn’t have to worry about anything but doing this concrete thing

**Three** : yeah

**Leon** : They let him have headphones on, or play the radio

**Three** : that's what I was imagining

**Three** : he can't stomach the thought of going back to retail or waiting tables

**Leon** : having to put on the happy face

**Three** : He needs something to do, but doesn't want to have to do too much with people

**Three** : sorting mail or delivering it seems like not a bad thing

**Leon** : He sometimes tries to guess the type of person based on the packaging and handwriting

**Three** : makes up stories about the weird names

**Three** : reads the postcards

**Leon** : Smith is one of those people who didn't often mail things

**Three** : He sends a postcard to Tom's mom, like he promised, because he can stamp and pass it through and no one is going to be reading it.

**Leon** : Something he picked up at the gas station

**Leon** : a "hello from..." postcard with a pretty photo

**Three** : I think he probably spends the first few weeks in town mostly sitting in his apartment. I think it's not until week three he even looks for a job. Doing anything feels really futile to him, so he isn't even trying to find furniture or anything.

**Three** : I was thinking about him realizing it's Friday afternoon one day

**Three** : and being lonely, and thinking about texting Trott, but having this fear that he's just this weird sad stranger and thinking Trott already has plans for his weekend

**Three** : so he goes back and forth for hours with himself about if he should text Trott or not

**Three** : just kind of watching the light change from the window

**Leon** : Trott texts him around dinnertime, the promised check in.

**Leon** : "How are you doing? Do you need anything?"

**Leon** : (i am TRASHING my future reccomended everything based on all the hippie shit im searching right now)

**Three** : "Okay. Can I buy you dinner? Since you made me dinner." Smith thinks maybe he should get outside of his apartment because he hasn't been outside in a couple days.

**Three** : (hahaha welcome to hell)

**Leon** : "Sure, where would you like to go to eat?"

**Three** : "You pick? You know this place, what's good"

**Leon** : Trott suggests a nice little sandwich shop

**Three** : Smith finds a clean shirt (more black) and takes a shower. Thinks about shaving, because he's just kinda stopped. Doesn't. Gets dressed. Finds his boots. Walks slowly to this place, because he can and because he has time to kill.

**Leon** : Trott is sitting outside on a bench, cross legged with his sandals on the ground. looking at the local paper, glasses on. today is a cuffed jeans and well worn t-shirt day

**Leon** : he still has a lot of the jewelry though. Some of its different than before, but he has one necklace that is the same, and several rings and bracelets that seem to be too

**Three** : "Hey." Smith scuffing his feet on the sidewalk. It's still light. Black t-shirt, black jeans. He feels a little too warm, but hopefully it cools off with less sun.

**Leon** : "Hey, I was just looking at the classifieds, all the for sale things. If you still need furniture there might be something here." Passes the paper to Smith, slips his shoes back on and opens the door with its clattery bell on the inside handle

**Three** : Smith does not want to face the thought of furniture or things. He follows Trott into the sandwich shop, glad for the AC.

**Leon** : "I normally get one of a few things, so I can recommend those, and the others I've tried. What do you like on sandwiches?"

**Three** : "Um." Smith thinks. "I like turkey. And tomato. Anything with avocados usually."

**Leon** : oooh what was on that sandwich I liked at that place..

**Leon** : "Alcatraz

there’s no escaping this one once you have tried it! sliced turkey breast, California avocado, sprouts & tomato, drizzled with honey mustard & served on sliced sourdough bread."

**Leon** : and my other go to

**Leon** : "Oakland

like pesto? try this one. soft French sub roll with pesto, turkey, smoked gouda, romaine lettuce, sliced tomato, onion topped with chipotle flakes, romano cheese & seasonings."

**Three** : "That first one, that sounds good." Smith picks up a bag of salt and vinegar chips to go with his sandwich. Iced tea.

**Three** : "I like cold sandwiches more than hot sandwiches."

**Leon** : Trott gets the second one, "You can try this one too if you want. Most of the sandwiches here are very good. I happen to like these two"

**Three** : Smith settles in the table by the window. (Booth, table?)

**Leon** : Booth

**Leon** : Always booths

**Leon** : There’s a little card with local events on it, advertising some concerts, themed nights at local restaurants

**Leon** : the local theater group's summer shows

**Three** : Smith fidgets with it.

**Three** : "How was your week?"

**Three** : He is trying to remember how to socialize. It feels hard.

**Three** : Falls back on just asking Trott questions, so he doesn't have to talk himself.

**Leon** : "It was quiet, went to work. We're busy now in summer, we do most of our events and publicity now."

**Three** : "What kind of events do you do?"

**Three** : Smith's pleased with his sandwich. It's one of the better things he's eaten lately.

**Three** : Sticking chips in his sandwich for the crunch.

**Leon** : "Recycling drives, trash cleanup, concerts."

**Three** : "Real concerts, or someone in the office has a band and they'll play for free?"

**Leon** : "Bit of both, we have quite a few good musicians in town"

**Three** : "Huh." Smith thinks about that.

**Leon** : "Are you a musician?" Trott asks

**Three** : "Not a professional one or anything."

**Leon** : "Doesn't make you not a musician."

**Leon** : Trott keeps eating his sandwich, he got lemonade, because this place makes it fresh

**Leon** : "Would you like to be? A professional that is"

**Three** : "I don't know. Maybe. Was just something I did for fun. I've never really had a career goal in mind."

**Leon** : "Do you have anything you want in your future? Even if its small? I don’t tend to believe in making big fixed plans for myself. But small goals help. One more thing to look forward to."

**Three** : Smith stares out the window. He feels so lost.

**Three** : "I didn't really have any plan, beyond leaving Chicago. I quit smoking? I guess that can be my goal. Not to do that anymore."

**Three** : "Maybe eat more vegetables or get some exercise or something."

**Leon** : "Those are good. Make sure you actually set them though, make it something you can count."

**Three** : "I guess I should get a job."

**Leon** : "Do you have anything in mind? A ob would give you something to do, if you're struggling with that"

**Three** : "There was a sign, in the little post office, about needing someone." Smith sighs. "I don't think I can stand going back to retail right now."

**Leon** : Trott nods, hopes Smith will keep talking. It makes sense, that Smith wouldn't want to be around people. But Trott wonders if maybe he needs that.

**Three** : "What about you? What are you short term goals?"

**Leon** : "Well, I want to finish writing my report for work."

**Leon** : "And also, I'd like to re-pot some of my plants"

**Three** : Smith nods. He wishes he felt normal enough to have a goal like repotting a house plant.

**Three** : "That sounds. Peaceful I suppose."

**Three** : "Thanks for showing me the good sandwich shop."

**Leon** : "Of course. What are you up to this evening? Have you walked down by the river yet?"

**Three** : "My entire plan was to sit on the floor and stare out the window." Smith winces, realizing that his attempt to joke just came out sounding really sad. "No, I haven't been by the river."

**Leon** : Trott lets out a long breath, refraining from comment

**Leon** : "How about we walk down there then. Its cooler by the water. And pretty this time of day"

**Three** : "Sure, if you're not busy."

**Leon** : "I have no plans Smith. And a walk might do you good. Exercise right? start on that goal. Do things in the present moment, because the future is uncertain"

**Three** : Smith laughs, bitterly.

**Three** : "Oh believe me, I get that."

**Leon** : "Is that so?" Trott says quietly. He desperately wants to get Smith to open up and this is one of the first sharp and strong emotional reactions he's seen Smith have

**Three** : Smith looks almost angry, and a bit like he might cry. He reaches for his pocket, remembers he doesn't have any cigarettes anymore.

**Three** : "You wake up and you expect everything to be okay, and then it's just not. Ever okay again."

**Three** : "Believe me I plenty regret all the things I didn't do."

**Leon** : "Its not over yet Smith. And you can't change the past. Only keep on to the future"

**Leon** : Trott wants to touch Smith's arm as they walk slowly down the hills of town towards the river. But Smith is shaking and Trott thinks he might get punched if he touches Smith in this moment

**Three** : Smith crosses his arms, holding himself. He bites the inside of his cheek, afraid he's just going to unload on this poor guy he barely knows.

**Three** : "I can't fix anything, I know."

**Leon** : "Smith. There is a lot that you're holding in right now. I can tell. If you let that wound fester its going to be harder and harder to heal. You don't have to talk to me, you barely know me. But say it, aloud, ask your rocks for forgiveness, strength, healing. It doesn't matter. But you can't let that stay locked away"

**Three** : "There's no forgiving. Not for this." Smith shakes his head back and forth. "Not from rocks, or anyone."

**Leon** : "Then maybe you need to forgive yourself. Whatever it is."

**Leon** : They're walking down the gravel path towards the river, sun hidden behind the trees, but still shining on the water on the other side of the tree line

**Three** : "I can't!" Smith bursts out angrily. He hates how pretty it is for a moment.

**Leon** : "I'm sorry Smith."

**Three** : He thinks about how Tom would have liked camping by the river, cause he liked to swim at night.

**Leon** : Trott looks at Smith, unsure what to say. He won't tell Smith it’s okay. Because it isn't not for Smith

**Leon** : "I'm sorry whatever it is is hurting you so much, even though its past. I hope forgiveness will come in time. Because I don't believe there are many unforgivable things"

**Leon** : (what brand of cigarettes did smith smoke)

**Three** : Smith looks at him.

**Three** : (Marlborough lights)

**Three** : He looks out at the river they are getting closer to, and fading sunlight on the water.

**Three** : He wonders what to say.

**Leon** : Trott points to a little path leading down to a sandy and pebbly beach

**Leon** : barely a narrow strip, but the line of leaves and wood show that the water was higher not that long ago

**Leon** : "Sit with me Smith" he settles on a beached log, taking off his sandals again and putting them to the side so he can dig his feet into the wet sand

**Leon** : He lets the silence stretch, the only sounds the distant traffic, the insects and birds, and the water

**Leon** : Trott lets his breathing slow, half doing his meditative breathing, but mostly just letting being outside calm him

**Leon** : He thinks about Smith, and sees him from the corner of his eye

**Three** : Smith stares at the water. He wants to cry all over again, but he's sitting next to a guy on a log in some weird little town he hadn't even known existed before this month.

**Leon** : He hopes that if he is calm, if he's grounded and stable, maybe Smith can hold onto him if he needs to.

**Three** : Part of him wants to unburden himself, to tell Trott. But he's also afraid of saying it out loud. Doesn't want to see Trott look at him with horror.

**Three** : He misses Tom so much. He could talk to Tom about all kinds of things, and Tom never seemed fazed.

**Leon** : Trott can feel Smith thinking. The way he chews his lip. One of his legs bounces, boots digging a hole into the sand. Trott has endless patience, and he will sit here until Smith decides to talk, or decides to leave.

**Three** : "What's on your list of unforgivables?" Smith finally asks. Better to know. To get it out of the way, if it is going to be a thing.

**Three** : The sand and gravel crunches in a pleasing way under his heel.

**Leon** : "Mostly people who do harm to others deliberately, and refuse to see that what they did was wrong."

**Leon** : "Someone who steals, kills, destroys without need, and who never see's how that is wrong. Doesn't care for the people they harmed with no reason, and has no remorse"

**Leon** : Trott still looks at the water, the repetitive but different way the current folds over a submerged rock

**Leon** : The insects fluttering on the surface and the splash of a fish

**Three** : Smith sighs, picks at the seam of his jeans.

**Leon** : "What can't you forgive Smith?"

**Three** : "I did something stupid," Smith says. He takes a deep breath, feeling his voice shake. "It killed my best friend." The words hang there and he can't take them back. His vision blurs, and Smith closes his eyes.

**Leon** : "I'm so sorry Smith."

**Leon** : Trott does reach out this time, putting a hand on his arm

**Leon** : "Smith, in my life I've made mistakes. None of them have ended that way, but they did hurt people very very deeply."

**Leon** : "I know you think you can't forgive yourself. But from knowing you this short time, and hearing that, I don't blame you. If you need someone to forgive you, then I do."

**Three** : Smith shakes his head. He has to swallow against the lump in his throat.

**Leon** : "It can be easier to blame yourself. Because then you think you could have done something. But you can't control anything, really. Only you. Right now."

**Three** : "But I did it!" Smith balls his hands into fists. "I took that stupid beeping smoke detector down and stuck it in the desk because it was making us crazy. So when the fire..." Smith breaks off and leans forward over his knees. He feels sick. He hasn't talked to anyone about this.

**Three** : "If I hadn't done that, it would have gone off and he'd have gotten up and wouldn't have died."

**Leon** : "You had no way of knowing Smith. And you have no way to be sure that would have saved him"

**Leon** : Trott feels worse, hearing this. He's trying to let it not affect him, because he needs to be calm here. But he'd worried about why Smith was so sad and lost. And this is worse than he imagined, and it hurts. He wants to fix Smith's pain but he knows he can’t. So he waits with a hand on Smiths shoulder, and looks back at the river

**Leon** : "See that leaf Smith?" he points out to the water.

**Three** : Smith is trying hard not to cry. Breathing through his nose.

**Leon** : "I know this sounds terribly fake. Believe it or not I wasn't always this much of a hippie" Trott keeps his voice soft and kind, trying not to condescend

**Leon** : "Where do you think the leaf is going to go?"

**Three** : "Dunno." Smith wipes his face. "What's your hippie bullshit wisdom about leaves?"

**Three** : There's no malice in his voice.

**Three** : He just sounds sad.

**Leon** : "Well, it looks like the leaf is headed for those ripples by that rock. Think of that like the near future, how I can know that eventually we will get up from this log, and go back. If something happens, that won't come to pass. But because it’s so close, it’s almost sure."

**Leon** : "And I watched that leaf drift from around the corner. I can see where it has been"

**Leon** : "But once it passes from my sight, I don't know what will happen to it. Perhaps it will get snagged on the bank. A child might see it and pick it out of the water because it’s interesting. It may somehow make it all the way to the sea, or sink to the bottom."

**Leon** : "You could change that future for the leaf, right now, by making a decision to take it from its path, but you, like the leaf, had very little control over what happened"

**Leon** : "You drift one way or another as small things come to pass. But you can't tell when something will come and pull you from the way you are drifting, or where you will end"

**Three** : "That's not very comforting Trott."

**Three** : "I'm just a leaf bouncing around gods know what."

**Leon** : "But if that's the case, then maybe you can forgive yourself. Because you are only yourself in the flow of everything. And you cannot control the river"

**Leon** : "Even when the river is terrible, you can only hang on, and hope for smoother waters"

**Leon** : "This metaphor has gotten long Smith. What I'm trying to tell you is that perhaps someday, you can believe that though this hurts, and you wish you could bring him back, it isn’t your fault"

**Three** : "Maybe. It doesn't feel like that though. Two weeks ago, everything was okay. And now Tom's dead, and everything is just... a mess."

**Three** : "I'm sorry. This is really a lot to hear from some random guy you barely know."

**Three** : "Three weeks. It was three. God, I can't even fucking keep track of time anymore."

**Leon** : "You don't have to apologize to me Smith. But I forgive you."

**Leon** : Trott wants to hug Smith, he keeps curling further and further in on himself

**Three** : "Please don't hang out with me because you feel sorry for me."

**Three** : Smith feels a little embarrassed.

**Three** : "I mean. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to be a person again."

**Three** : "I just left after the funeral. And just drove, stopped answering my phone, called in and quit my job."

**Leon** : "I don't feel sorry for you Smith. I am sorry that these things have happened to you, and I wish that you weren't hurting and lost"

**Leon** : "That's sounds awful, to feel that way."

**Leon** : "When I went to the city, I was running a bit. But not for the same reasons." He moves his hand up and down Smith's back. Its nearly dark, the shadows going blue, and the river getting dark beneath the last reflections of the light of the sky

**Three** : Smith puts his head in his hands. It is more and less terrible to say it out loud. He just wishes he could go to sleep and wake up a month in the past and it would all be gone.

**Leon** : Trott puts an arm around his shoulders slowly, giving him time to pull away. He tugs Smith so Smith's head is resting on his shoulder, and Trott can lean his cheek against Smith's grown out curls

**Three** : Smith can't remember who last touched him. someone at the funeral perhaps. Maybe Tom's mom, or his older sister. One of their friends with a hand on his shoulder and Smith just frozen with grief. He couldn't stand the way they looked at him, horror and sadness and puzzlement because he was so quiet.

**Three** : He wants to just hang onto Trott and cry. But it would be weird to cry into some guy's shirt and it's not even a date or anything.

**Three** : But he lets Trott hold him for a little bit, because it feels good. The worn out smoothness of Trott's shirt, the way he smells like something herbal and spicy, the arm around him.

**Leon** : Trott puts a hand on Smith's head. Not sure if it would be better to say something or to just let Smith stay here

**Leon** : "Smith, I'm here if you need me, okay? And there is no shame in needing someone"

**Three** : "I'm just sad all the time and it doesn't stop."

**Leon** : "That's not okay, to feel that way you know." Trott still holds him, Feels the way Smith's shoulders shift under his t-shirt. The cracking design on the back

**Leon** : "Do you want me to put you in touch with some people? Some therapists?"

**Three** : "Dunno. The only thing I want won't happen. So I'm stuck."

**Three** : Smith hasn't ever really lost anyone close. Distant relatives as a kid, but his family wasn't close.

**Three** : He feels too young and suddenly old.

**Leon** : "I'll give you some numbers. Help you call if you want me to. But like I said, you can't just let this continue to hurt Smith. Ignoring it won't make it go away"

**Three** : "I'm not ignoring it," Smith said, slightly irritable. "It's what I think about 90% of the day. I sit in my apartment and try to figure out why and what's happening."

**Leon** : "But has anything changed?"

**Three** : "Everything's changed, Trott. I'm hundreds of miles away from everything I know, sleeping on a couch and trying to figure out what to do."

**Leon** : "And I have faith that you will. But you can't fix everything overnight"

**Leon** : It’s pretty much dark now. Trott picks up his shoes, and helping Smith up

**Three** : Smith's head hurts. He's glad it's dark. His eyes are still watering.

**Three** : He feels like Trott's never going to talk to him again after this. That it was weird and kind of awful to just burst out with this terrible thing. Walking beside Trott back up to the road, he feels melancholy and wistful. Trott seems like a nice guy, for a hippie.

**Leon** : "Do you want to come up for tea? Or do you need to go back to your place, so I won't dig into your life anymore"

**Three** : "Only if you don't put any honey in it. It's too sweet."

**Leon** : Trott laughs

**Leon** : "I was worried you were going to be one of those people who needs to choke their tea with sweetener just to be able to drink it"

**Three** : Smith shakes his head.

**Three** : "I don't like to put anything in my tea really. Maybe sometimes coffee."

**Leon** : "I don't drink much coffee. Sometimes from the place downtown"

**Three** : "I was a barista for awhile. I like coffee."

**Leon** : "I can never do it right. I've only ever had just a simple coffee pot and it always turns out bad"

**Three** : "Probably doesn't heat up your water well enough. Just get a French press. Then it is sort of more like making tea. And better."

**Leon** : "You'll have to show me how sometime"

**Three** : "Sure. You boil water, take it off the heat and wait thirty seconds, then..." Smith shrugs. "Most of the little machines just can't heat the water properly and then it just tastes bad."

**Leon** : "Well, tea is the same. So that makes sense. What would you like this time?"

**Leon** : Trott wipes his feet on the mat by the door, gesturing towards the living room

**Leon** : This evening is a drink tea on the couch evening

**Three** : "From your fifty thousand piece collection of tea?"

**Three** : Smith hovers at the door. "Shoes on or off?"

**Leon** : "Whichever your prefer Smith"

**Three** : Smith unlaces his big clunky boots.

**Three** : "I should probably get some other shoes."

**Leon** : "Something not so heavy to walk in maybe"

**Three** : "There's just so much to replace..." Smith gestures. "It gets overwhelming and then I don't do any of it."

**Leon** : "Small goals. One thing at a time." Trott rummages in his cupboard, pulls out a tin of tea

**Leon** : "This one actually has coffee in it too, and chocolate"

**Three** : "That sounds good."

**Three** : Smith stretches, barefoot. Looks around at all Trott's plants. It's very cozy in the lamplight.

**Three** : Smith does not have a lamp. There's an overhead light but it is very bright.

**Three** : sometimes he leaves the bathroom light on, or the kitchen light, and tries to read a book he bought.

**Three** : sits on the floor.

**Leon** : Trott makes the tea, humming to himself in the kitchen a song he likes

**Three** : Smith peers at Trott's shelves, trying to get a sense of who he is beyond his sandals and lots of jewelry and hippie philosophy.

**Leon** : Trott has a lot of books

**Leon** : everything from cookbooks, to fantasy, to gardening

**Leon** : Some biographies, memoirs

**Leon** : a whole stack of books from the library

**Three** : Smith wants to see if they've read anything in common.

**Leon** : Trott has a few pictures in frames. Mostly him with friends. some scenery

**Leon** : He comes back to find Smith crouched down in front of his bookshelf, flipping through something. Trott sets the teapot on the table, and the mugs

**Leon** : "If you want to borrow any books you're welcome to."

**Three** : "I've read this one. Did you like it?" Smith holds up the book.

**Three** : He misses his books.

**Leon** : "Yes, I did. The library didn't have that one for some reason, so I bought it."

**Leon** : "Have you read these?" Trott pulls a paperback off a higher shelf, the cover is a bit rumpled, and the pages yellowed in that way that the cheap paperbacks tend to.

**Leon** : "You might like them if you were a fan of Robinson"

**Three** : "I haven't." Smith reads the back. "You don't mind if I borrow it?"

**Leon** : "I offered" Trott laughs and nudges him

**Leon** : "I have all of them if you like it. That's the first of five."

**Leon** : "The start is a little rough, but once you get reading it’s very hard to put down. The world is very well drawn out, and the characters get much more solid from late in the first book on"

**Leon** : Trott pours the tea as Smith flips through the book, reading random passages

**Three** : Smith feels like he can't complain about anything he's missing, the possessions. Because that seems petty in light of it all.

**Three** : "I'm not a fast reader. but I'll bring it back if you need it."

**Leon** : "Take all the time you want."

**Three** : "That smells good."

**Leon** : Trott passes him the mug, all of them are made by people he knows, hand thrown with pretty glazes. This one is sky blue on the inside, and deep emerald green on the outside

**Leon** : The handle has a little curl where it attaches at the bottom, and its round and comfortable to hold

**Three** : "And pretty. You have a lot of nice things. You seem very settled in here."

**Three** : Smith holds the mug close to his face, trying to wait to sip at the tea so he doesn't burn his tongue again. He's impatient with drinks.

**Leon** : "Do you want and ice cube to put in that?"

**Leon** : "Most of my things I picked up slowly. I've been here a while. I should consider moving out of the apartment, but for now this is comfortable"

**Three** : "Please." Tom always put ice in his morning coffee and Smith loved him for it.

**Three** : "Why would you move?"

**Leon** : "To be near other people, outside of town a bit more. I've considered moving in with some friends who have a farm, and lots of extra space that is used by people for a summer, or a few years"

**Leon** : "Might also try to find a place of my own. I'd like to have a garden. Rely less on other people"

**Three** : "Oh." Smith finds the idea of living in this place sort of remote as it is. There's not a building more than five stories tall that he's seen.

**Three** : "You don't think it would be lonely, further out? Out there?"

**Three** : Smith likes nature for camping. Visiting. But he's always gone back to the city after. Never lived anywhere else.

**Leon** : "It will be a bit more lonely, yes. But I can also invite more people into my space. As it is, there’s not much room for me to have a social dinner. It gives me room to settle myself and to offer my space to people when I want to, in a more comfortable way."

**Three** : Smith nods. Trott seems so much grown up than he feels.

**Three** : He feels a bit like a perpetual 21 year old who has no idea what he wants.

**Leon** : "Smith, do you mind if I ask you some questions, about you? You're free to not answer any of them."

**Three** : "Sure." Smith gulps some tea, wonders what he's going to ask.

**Leon** : "You said you grew up in Chicago. What was your childhood like?"

**Three** : "Wildly unsupervised? I dunno. My parents split up when I was in high school. Just a childhood. I played video games, tried to avoid my homework, stayed out too late."

**Leon** : "Are you on good terms with your parents?"

**Three** : Smith shakes his head.

**Three** : "We don't really talk."

**Leon** : Trott nods, considering. "So you were basically on your own from high school onwards?"

**Three** : "I guess so? I scraped into the university." He pauses, and takes a deep breath. "I met Tom there, and we've lived together ever since. Tom was basically my family. Spent Christmas at his parents. That kind of thing."

**Leon** : "Tell me how you met him."

**Leon** : Trott watches Smith stare down into his mug of tea

**Leon** : He's mostly forgetting his own, leaving it on the table as he sits sideways on the couch with his knees tucked up

**Three** : Smith stares into his tea.

**Three** : "It was a party. Just some dumb thing. I don't know how I even ended up there, but I didn't know anyone and I was bored and the music was terrible."

**Three** : "So I went upstairs, and found someone's xbox and turned it on to just play. And this guy came in, wondering what the hell I was doing in his room. We ended up playing this racing game for hours. Realized it was morning and everyone was gone or passed out. So we went to get breakfast."

**Three** : Smith thinks about how there was no one awake. No one to witness that besides them.

**Three** : And now he's the only one left with that memory.

**Leon** : "That sounds like a good memory" Trott is watching Smith. Picturing a younger Smith, drinking in a crowd of college students he didn't know

**Leon** : "What did you like about him?"

**Three** : "Tom just..." Smith sighs. "Tom always made me laugh. He would go do dumb adventures, even if he had to get up for work in the morning. He's- he was funny."

**Leon** : "He sounds like a wonderful person. I am glad you had him in your life"

**Three** : "He was the best thing that ever happened to me."

**Leon** : "And a huge part of your life it seems."

**Three** : Smith nods, sticks his face in his cup.

**Three** : He wants to say something about how he tries to pretend when he goes to bed, that he's home and he's just sleeping on the couch cause he's waiting for Tom to get in, or that they're camping or something.

**Leon** : "You know Smith. I've always hated the phrase 'just friends'. Because that diminishes how important these people are. He was your friend, but don't let anyone tell you that it should hurt less than losing someone you dated, or someone who you're related to by blood"

**Three** : "People asked, sometimes. If we were dating. We weren't. I mean. We weren't sleeping together. But we did everything together."

**Leon** : "And just because you weren't sleeping together doesn’t make him any less important"

**Three** : "I know."

**Three** : Smith sinks further back into the couch.

**Leon** : "Good. I want to say this so you don't try to tell yourself you shouldn’t feel this sad because you weren't dating him"

**Leon** : Trott wonders if he's pushing too much. The way Smith is blinking, trying not to cry again. Pressing into the couch like he wants to hide from everything. "Do you want me to stop Smith?"

**Three** : "Just ask whatever it is you want to know." Smith isn't sure what Trott's searching for. It doesn't feel like he's questioning out of some morbid interest. Maybe he is a secret phone counselor.

**Three** : Maybe if he just says it all, it will hurt less

**Three** : It can't be worse, Smith thinks.

**Leon** : "Is the blanket his?"

**Leon** : Trott has been thinking about that moment, Smith by his bright windows, clutching that blanket

**Three** : "Yes," Smith whispers.

**Leon** : "Okay." Trott moves closer to Smith. Taking the mug from Smith's shaky hands

**Leon** : "What was his favorite music?"

**Three** : "Gothy British stuff from the 80s. He loved The Church."

**Three** : Smith thinks about Tom singing along to the stereo, cigarette in one hand, frying eggs in the middle of the night.

**Leon** : "I'll have to listen to them."

**Leon** : Trott can tell Smith is miles away, thinking about things.

**Leon** : He gives him a moment, staring off at the table with unfocused eyes

**Three** : "He always used to leave his blanket on the sofa, like it was a robe. Walking around the apartment in it in the winter."

**Three** : Smith's trying not to cry.

**Leon** : Trott pulls him against his side, very conscious of the waver in Smith's voice, and trying not to cry himself, for how much Smith has lost

**Leon** : "was he the type to never wear socks too, and always complain of cold floors?"

**Three** : Smith shakes his head.

**Three** : "He had slippers. Weird, corduroy slippers. Old man shoes."

**Three** : "I made fun of them all the time."

**Leon** : "What did he make fun of you for?"

**Leon** : Trott is back to rubbing Smith's shoulder. He isn't usually much for casual hugs, but something in him won't just let smith sit there trying to hide his tears while Trott prods him to put his heart on the table

**Three** : "Any time I put on eyeliner when we'd go out to the clubs. How bad I was at Street Fighter."

**Three** : "He always beat me at that one."

**Leon** : "Were there any games you could beat him at?"

**Leon** : Trott so rarely played games

**Leon** : Did as a kid, but once he was in school, he never really had time

**Three** : "Need for Speed, sometimes. Or if we played Battlefield."

**Three** : Tom and Smith would spend Sunday mornings in their pajamas playing video games a lot.

**Leon** : Chips for breakfast

**Leon** : Sunday mornings often being Sunday afternoons, after staying up late the night before going out, or also playing games

**Leon** : "Where were you, when the fire happened?"

**Three** : Smith shudders.

**Three** : "Some stupid open mic night. Tom was going to go with me, but he didn't feel great and stayed home."

**Leon** : Trott nods, not sure what he was going to say to Smith's answer

**Leon** : Hugs him a bit tighter

**Leon** : "Do you have any pictures of him, that maybe I could see someday?"

**Three** : Smith's breath hitches.

**Three** : "Some in my phone."

**Leon** : "I'd like to have a face to put to all your stories. And I'm sure if you took the pictures, they'll really show him"

**Three** : Smith fumbles the phone out of his pocket.

**Three** : He hasn't logged into facebook or anything for weeks. Avoiding it.

**Leon** : "Smith, you don't have to do this now-"

**Three** : But there's photos in his camera.

**Three** : "No, I."

**Three** : Pulls up a picture of the two of them, making faces at the camera.

**Three** : A picture from their last camping trip.

**Three** : Tom standing on top of a fallen tree, trying to majestically stare at the horizon.

**Three** : Smith just keeps scrolling through him.

**Leon** : Trott watches him, Smith's just staring at the screen, face looking so empty that it nearly breaks Trott's heart to see it.

**Three** : "That's a good one."

**Three** : Tom looking more dressed up, smiling, holding up a wine glass.

**Leon** : Trott takes the phone, careful not to touch the screen, because this is the photo Smith wants to show him, and he's not going to look at others unless he is told he can

**Leon** : "I can see why you'd love him. I would have liked to meet him. Thank you, for showing me. And for telling me about him." Trott hands the phone back, the image of Tom with his hair pushed back, grinning at the camera like he and Smith are in on some joke, still held in his mind.

**Leon** : "He might not be here anymore Smith, but he'll always be here." Trott taps Smiths chest, knowing its terrible and so overdone. "And you remembering him, telling me about him, that keeps him alive in a way"

**Three** : Smith can't take it anymore. He puts his phone away and covers his face. Wishing he had a hoodie on, so he could pull it up and hide.

**Leon** : Trott lets him hide his face. Tries to sit quietly and still, so Smith can either pull away or move closer if he wants to

**Three** : It's hard to know if he should just let himself cry, or if he should push it down. Smith's afraid he won't be able to stop if he starts, or that he'll howl the way he did in his car after the funeral.

**Three** : Smith also knows he looks awful when crying, that he's splotchy and his nose runs.

**Three** : But it's just been a lot to actually say things out loud, to try to explain Tom's presence in his life, or just how badly he'd fucked up.

**Three** : So Smith cries, because it is too much.

**Leon** : Trott wraps both arms around Smith, trying to get it so they're in a comfortable position. Running a hand through Smith's hair. He rocks Smith a bit, wishing he had some magic thing to help Smith sleep, and heal from all this

**Leon** : But he doesn't so Trott quietly cries, because he cares a lot about this almost stranger, and he hugs him and hopes that maybe it helps, even just a bit

**Three** : Smith leans into Trott, trying not to feel guilty about how needy he feels in this moment. Mostly he just cries, hard but quiet and tries to be glad at least he's not yelling the way he did the first time he let himself cry.

**Three** : He cries until he's worn out, just sort of sleepily holding into Trott's arm across his chest.

**Leon** : Trott can feel Smith's shoulders slowly stop shaking, his breathing getting less choked and ragged. He doesn’t stop running his hand through Smith's hair. He leans to the side, pulling Smith against his chest more and letting them half recline. Smith's breath is warm against his arm and he can feel that Smith's tears have soaked into his shirt, but he doesn’t mind.   He wonders if Smith would fall asleep like this.

**Three** : Smith's aware he's just crossed a line, and probably should sit up or apologize or do something. Crying is tiring, and he just wants to fall asleep right here. He can hear Trott's heart beating.

**Three** : "Sorry," he says, voice thick and scratchy.

**Leon** : "It's okay Smith."

**Leon** : "You can stay here as long as you want. Like this, in my place. You don't have to go back and sleep on your couch tonight if you don't want to."

**Leon** : Trott closes his eyes, listening to the sounds of Smith's breathing, his refrigerator, the clock on the wall. His little water fountain.

**Leon** : "I'm comfortable, so don't worry about moving until you're ready"

**Leon** : Trott doesn't want to send Smith back to his empty apartment like this.

**Leon** : On one level he's worried about him being alone, and on another, he very much wants to give Smith a space that feels comfortable.

**Three** : "It's so quiet there," Smith mumbles. He wants to stay right here terribly. He feels a guilty pang, thinking of Tom's blanket.

**Leon** : Both Smith's apartment and Trott's are still new, still strange places. At least Trott can offer Smith a space that isn’t empty

**Three** : "Hard to sleep without the noise."

**Leon** : "If you want we can run over to your place. get anything you might want. then you can stay here. I'd like you to stay here"

**Leon** : Trott thinks for a moment.

**Leon** : "Is it too quiet here too?"

**Three** : "This whole town is quiet. Haven't heard a single siren since I got here."

**Leon** : "I wake up if I hear a siren at night." Trott smiles, still thinking.

**Leon** : "Smith, is it alright if I get up?"

**Three** : Smith moves away, rubbing at his face. "Shit. I am so sorry. Your shirt's all wet."

**Leon** : "Again Smith, it’s okay. I can change my shirt." Trott goes over to his little radio, old enough to still have a cassette player. Trott has an assortment of CDs, and he pulls one out and puts it on. It’s an ambient noise CD, waves.

**Leon** : "I used to listen to this to help me sleep. When everything was too much and I couldn’t get rest for thinking. So I'd listen to this, and focus on this instead"

**Three** : "Tom had one of those. It was storms."

**Three** : Smith's got his eyes closed, half curled up on the couch.

**Three** : Keeps telling himself to get up and go back to his apartment but he's half asleep already.

**Leon** : "Smith, if you give me your keys, I'll go get some clothes from your place" Trott kneels next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder

**Three** : "You don't need to."

**Three** : Smith hasn't bought any pajamas. He's been sleeping in his clothes most of the time. The morbid fear that there could be another fire.

**Leon** : "But I want to Smith. Where are your keys?"

**Leon** : Trott feels like the blanket is very important. He's using clothes as a bit of an excuse, but he's going to bring the blanket for Smith too

**Three** : Smith fishes his keys out and blearily opens his eyes.

**Three** : "Should go home."

**Three** : "They're knocking it down though."

**Three** : "Can't go back."

**Leon** : "You'll just have to build a new one here Smith. I believe in you." Trott swallows hard when Smith says the second sentence. Realizing he isn't talking about his apartment. He takes the keys and covers Smith's shoulders with one of the knitted blankets he has

**Leon** : "I'll be right back"

**Three** : Smith closes his eyes and curls up. He's so tired. Impossible to stay awake.

**Leon** : Trott walks through the quiet night quickly. There's a few other people, but not many. Its faster for him to just walk, rather than getting his car, and he feels like he needs the night air to help him calm down

**Leon** : Smith's keys heavy in his pocket, thinking of the too tall man curled up on his couch. He's resolved himself to try to get Smith to take his bed, if he's not sound asleep when Trott gets back. It seems a shame to just move him from one couch to another

**Leon** : The apartment still startles Trott, how bare it is. He's not surprised it’s still empty. But it shocks him just the same

**Three** : Smith drifts off fast. The cd is soothing. Being sort of exhausted by actually talking about things helps too.

**Three** : It's far more neat than Smith's ever been in his life, just because there's so little there.

**Leon** : He grabs the blanket, bulky in his arms, and a pair of jeans that probably isn’t clean. He wonders if he takes all of Smith's clothes if he'd be awake long enough after he gets back to wash them all.

**Leon** : He pauses, and decides to take a box with all the clothes. There’s so few.

**Leon** : Tucking the blanket on top.

**Three** : Barely even enough to go a week.

**Leon** : Trott has a washer and drier in a closet, but rarely uses them. Hand washes his clothes and hang dries them, unless he's in a hurry.

**Leon** : He carefully closes up Smith's place, locking the door behind him

**Three** : Smith's got a couple pairs of jeans, six shirts, some socks, some underwear. A hoodie. his leather jacket that was in the car.

**Three** : his boots.

**Leon** : All black, except for one shirt that's grey

**Leon** : and the underwear

**Leon** : The walk back seems short, even though he's carrying a bulky box of Smith's things

**Leon** : Trott quietly opens his door, and checks on Smith

**Leon** : Curled up on the couch, clutching a cushion

**Leon** : Trott sighs, and decides it’s worth a shot to wake him

**Leon** : "Smith? Sunshine, I'm going to have you sleep in the bed."

**Three** : Smith just mumbles something unintelligible.

**Three** : He's very asleep.

**Three** : Trott could probably turn on everything he owns and Smith wouldn't get up.

**Leon** : "Okay." Trott regrets not moving him earlier.

**Leon** : He tucks the grey comforter around Smith, shutting off all but his orange rock lamp, and setting the cd to repeat

**Leon** : he throws the clothes in the washer, with his homemade detergent.

**Leon** : Figures that maybe the noise of that will help Smith too

**Leon** : Trott goes into his freezer and gets out some ice cream. He rarely eats it. But tonight calls for some. takes the book he's reading to the table, and reads until the washer is done

**Three** : Smith burrowing into the blanket and rolling over to press his face to the back of the couch.

**Three** : (does Trott eat hippie soy milk ice cream)

**Leon** : Trott eats real ice cream, but its organic and from a local creamery

**Leon** : He checks on Smith one more time after he switches the laundry. He feels exhausted, and is glad that it’s the weekend.

**Leon** : He rarely sleeps late. But he just might tomorrow. get up at seven instead of five

**Three** : It's almost midnight and Trott’s worn out

**Leon** : Trott has a nice bed. lots of colorful blankets

**Three** : what is Trott’s ice cream flavor

**Leon** : Black raspberry

**Three** : nice

**Leon** : with white chocolate chips

**Three** : I picture Trott with a platform bed, with a headboard that's shelf space

**Leon** : yes, he has some rocks up there

**Leon** : his favorites

**Leon** : books

**Leon** : more incense

**Leon** : Smith gets nervy about the incense at some point

**Leon** : Trott has some curtains he can pull around the bed, tacked up to the ceiling. But since its summer, he has them pulled aside

**Leon** : He lets his place get cold at night in winter

**Leon** : Just bundles up in his blankets and behind the curtains

**Leon** : Keeps the heat up, but shuts his door and the vents in his room. The thermostat is in the living room, with the plants. So they stay warm enough

**Three** : something like this with drawers under the bed

**Three** : maybe a different color though

**Leon** : medium brown wood

**Leon** : a bit lighter, more like this

**Three** : yes

**Three** : colorful bedding

**Leon** : quilts, knitted and crocheted blankets

**Leon** : a patterned woven throw

I imagine his sofa having some weird paisley pattern

**Leon** : yes

**Leon** : Trott makes French toast in the morning

**Leon** : thick slices of bread from the local bakery

**Leon** : Real maple syrup

**Leon** : He's folded Smith's laundry, and left it on the coffee table

**Three** : Smith wakes up because he smells food. Has a moment where he's forgotten where he is, wonders why their sofa is smaller. Rolls over and remembers, has to reorient himself in the world.

**Leon** : Trott singing quietly in the kitchen, to whatever folk music he's got on the radio

**Three** : Smith wondering how his things ended up here, staring with confusion at his clothes piled on the table. Clutching Tom's blanket.

**Leon** : Trott wanders back through notices Smith's awake

**Leon** : "Are you hungry? I've made French toast for breakfast. I washed your clothes last night, in case you hadn't gotten to it yet"

**Leon** : Trott knows Smith wouldn’t have done that. But he's giving him that out

**Three** : "I was half expecting you to tell me some story about the hippie laundry loving fairies who live out here," Smith says. "Thanks. You must have been pretty bored. Sorry I fell asleep on your couch."

**Leon** : "I just wish I'd thought to tell you to sleep in the bed instead."

**Leon** : Trott goes back towards the kitchen, turns around and grins a bit "Maybe I'm the hippie laundry fairy."

**Three** : Smith raises his eyebrows.

**Three** : "Do you sneak into homes, steal socks?"

**Leon** : "Just like magic, Trott will do your laundry while you sleep"

**Leon** : "No, not socks. I do steal shoes though. Only the left ones"

**Leon** : "But if you leave me cookies, I don't"

**Three** : Smith stretches, reaching up towards the ceiling.

**Three** : "I'll be sure to buy some cookies then, keep them in my apartment so I don't lose my boot."

**Leon** : "I like those Milano cookies. The mint ones. Or gingersnaps."

**Three** : "Noted."

**Leon** : "Do you want breakfast here or in the kitchen?"

**Three** : "I'll get up."

**Three** : Smith follows him back into the kitchen, after carefully folding up Tom's blanket.

**Leon** : Trott makes him a plate piled with French toast

**Leon** : sets out the syrup and butter, and some cinnamon and sugar in a little jar

**Three** : Smith trying to eat with some decorum and not just stuff his face

**Three** : Wondering what to say about the previous night.

**Leon** : Trott puts on some more almost as soon as he's finished, eating by the stove as he cooks the last slices of toast

**Three** : "Laundry fairy, and good French toast. You're pretty talented."

**Leon** : Sticks a large glass of ice water in front of Smith

**Leon** : "I like to be self sufficient. So I make sure I'm competent at things."

**Leon** : Trott shrugs. It feels like mostly stuff he's just picked up along the way

**Three** : "I can make a few things. Mostly coffee. Eggs. Used to do steak and eggs on paycheck day."

**Leon** : "Simple food is good. If you want to learn some recipes I've got cookbooks"


	3. Chapter 3

 

**Three** : I sort of think no one knows

**Three** : he didn't tell anyone or say anything to their friends or tom's family about the smoke detector

**Three** : opening up to Trott was a low risk proposition because he's only met Trott a couple times

**Leon** : He probably said very little to anyone at all

**Leon** : Just spent the days up to the funeral in mute shock

**Three** : how old are we thinking they are right now? I was thinking about 28-32 range

**Leon** : Tom's family insists that he should stand with them and greet people at the memorial service/calling hours, if he wants to

**Leon** : Yeah, that's what I was thinking

**Three** : I think Smith goes, because he can't imagine doing anything but what people are saying he should do right then. But he's just too in shock still.

**Three** : Just quiet and sad while other people talk.

**Leon** : Trott did gradschool right after his bachelors, spent a year or two at the other jobs. Has been in this town for a few years.

**Leon** : Smith is sort of appalled that tom was cremated, even though he knew that's what tom wanted

**Three** : Thinks at least that's better than having to think about tom locked inside a box.

**Three** : I like the idea of super smart Trott going off to the big city, getting a grad degree

**Leon** : Yeah. I think he dated someone for a time in undergrad, and they were into the environmental stuff at least nominally

**Leon** : Trott winds up getting way more interested in it

**Leon** : Becomes very invested in environmental activism, takes a course that will still count for his business major in progress, environmental regulations or policy.

**Leon** : Winds up totally switching majors, to the displeasure of his parents

**Three** : young and idealistic

**Leon** : I sort of imagine Trott figured he'd go into politics

**Leon** : Takes amusement from the fact that he sort of does, but very differently than he thought he would

**Leon** : Parents don’t like this hippie life he's adopting

**Three** : I think of them as very upwardly mobile suburban

**Three** : shades of Evelyn’s life

**Leon** : Yeah.

**Leon** : Definitely. Father in local politics

**Leon** : Has big dreams for his eldest

**Three** : siblings?

**Leon** : Sisters

**Leon** : Both younger, one really close in age, the other maybe five or six years younger than he is

**Three** : Smith's an only. Tom had an older sister and a younger brother. He and Smith were the same age.

**Leon** : So, I’m almost done copy pasting and then I want to tell you some Ross thoughts.

**Three** : I had some thoughts too, about Ross.

**Leon** : okay, so who wants to go first now that I have the use of my keyboard back

**Three** : so we are thinking he grew up on a farm, yes?

**Leon** : yes

**Three** : I'm thinking a quiet guy with an aptitude for taking stuff apart and fixing it

**Leon** : Ross is quiet and good at fixing things

**Leon** : he's like my cousin and uncle, who can listen to an engine and tell you what’s probably wrong just from the sound

**Leon** : Small family farm

**Leon** : several siblings, I think he's older middle

**Leon** : an older brother, went off and joined the army as soon as he could.

**Leon** : the rest are younger

**Leon** : so here's what I was thinking about

**Leon** :His father let Ross follow him around on the farm. Ross' brother was able to be self sufficient, and wasn't as interested in the equipment beyond driving it

**Leon** : So Ross learned a lot from his dad, and they spent a lot of time together

**Leon** : there were a mess of storms. Floods, lost a lot of cows, and with the farm already struggling financially they decide to sell it, and move closer to a city, Ross thinks this is terrible and says so

**Leon** : Ross doesn't want to leave this place, and can't deal with his family basically ignoring that he said anything

**Leon** : So he picks up a job with one of the hippie farmers a town over

**Leon** :, he has a little apartment in a converted part of the barn, what used to be a hay loft but is now finished. He has his space.

**Leon** : Someone's dog has puppies and he sees the ad posted on the bulletin board in the grocery store

**Leon** : and he gets himself one of the little german shepherd puppies, and she's his best friend and he devotes a lot of time and care to training her

**Leon** : Trott meets him because everyone knows everyone

**Leon** : Ross drives in to sell produce etc at the farmers market with one of the owners

**Leon** : Trott always pets his dog, and asks him how things are, not minding that Ross tends to be fairly short with his words

**Leon** : And one time, when Trott's always close to dying car has another problem, Ross offers to take a look

**Leon** : "I'll fix it for you if you pay for the parts. Couple jars of your pickles?"

**Leon** : Ross loves pickles, and Trott doesn’t grow a lot of things, but he does a lot of canning and he makes excellent pickles

**Leon** : Trott stands watching Ross mess about with his car a week later, asking Ross about himself.

**Leon** : Ross gets more talkative when he doesn't have to speak face to face

**Leon** : He talks or hums to himself while he's working, or talks to his dog

**Leon** : She's obediently sitting a little ways off from the car, in the shade. Wagging her tail and snapping at bugs that float by

**Three** : The dog's name is Shiloh.

**Leon** : Ross who just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving, and lets the family move on without him

**Three** : I think he finds the book these guys wrote

**Three** : it was on our bookshelf when I was growing up

**Leon** : Ross likes being around animals a lot more than he likes being around people

**Leon** : most of the time anyways

**Three** : what do they grow on the farm he lives on now

**Leon** : dairy farm? I imagine his parents had dairy cows

**Three** : dairy farm

**Leon** : Goes in to the farmers market to sell the cheese, milk

**Leon** : They have a little field of flowers, people can pick their own or they bring some into town on farmers market days

**Leon** : Ross is the person who fixes all the machinery that breaks down, and does all the other duties needed at the time

**Three** : Always with the dog

**Leon** : Always with Shiloh following him around

**Leon** : She never strays far from him, though she will chase rodents into the grass

**Three** : Doesn't hassle the cows

**Leon** : she was curious about the barn cats but learned as a puppy that kitties have claws

**Leon** : and don't like to play like dogs do

**Leon** : is friends with the grumpiest and meanest barn cat and Ross just shakes his head whenever he sees her laying down in front of this beaten up grey and white tuxedo cat so he can lick her face

**Leon** : one of those blind in one eye, count yourself lucky if you see him because he's prone to vanishing at the first sign of people cats

**Leon** : Ross didn't really go to college. He reads a lot, took a couple classes at the community college closer to a bigger town nearby

**Leon** : but he doesn’t think he'll do anything but this, and so he stopped.

**Leon** : No sense in being exhausted when you have to get up for 4am milking after getting back from evening class at 10pm

**Three** : yeah

**Leon** : Trott is having lunch with Smith at some point, at the sandwich place. Ross comes in. He gets himself one of their giant cookies when he is in town

**Leon** : "Smith, there's someone you should meet"

**Three** : Smith is so reluctant to meet people.

**Three** : A couple times someone joking asked if someone died, looking at his black, and Smith just says "yes."

**Three** : he's slowly letting himself be more social with Trott, after getting over the weirdness of crying on him and explaining why he's here

**Leon** : Trott goes over and says hi to Ross, has him come over to the table

**Leon** : "Smith this is Ross, he works on a farm nearby"

**Three** : Ross likes Trott. He's very easy to talk to, for a person, and willing to just be quiet.

**Three** : "This is Smith, he's working for the post."

**Leon** : Ross waves, and pulls up a chair

**Leon** : Smith and Trott have a "designated" booth, Ross sits at the end, eating his cookie

**Leon** : Listening to them talk about Smith's job, some weird package he was telling Trott about

**Three** : Smith stumbling over the unfamiliar name, describing how it looked like it sprang out of another century, tied up with string and tape.

**Three** : Spinning some story about what he thinks probably lurks inside

**Leon** : Ross says something at the end of Smith's story, he's been quiet the whole time

**Leon** : "I once found a box with bones in it. buried by the corner of the barn"

**Three** : "Whaaaaaaat?" Smith stares at him wide eyed.

**Leon** : "Cat. Pet or barn cat probably. Looked like some kid had done it. Had one of those little plastic jingle toys inside"

**Three** : "Oh. Well that's way less terrifying than anything I was imagining there."

**Leon** : Ross smiles, eats some more of his cookie

**Three** : "No roving bands of cultists lurking in the woods, using your barn to hide the bones of their victims."

**Leon** : "Or maybe it was sacrificed. All sorts of weird ritual stuff people do around here"

**Three** : Smith stares at him, trying to read if Ross is joking or not.

**Leon** : Ross looks at Trott

**Leon** : "Like this guy. and his magic rocks. He's got one to cure everything from lack of romance to erectile dysfunction"

**Leon** : Ross is used to bantering with Trott a bit

**Leon** : and he trusts Trott’s judgment in people

**Three** : "You have rocks for boners?" Smith switches his stare to Trott.

**Leon** : "Ross is making a joke about the rock he gave me."

**Leon** : "I found a stone dick in the gems store downtown. Happy birthday to my weird rock friend"

**Three** : Smith chokes on his sandwich, laughing.

**Leon** : "For external magical uses only"

**Leon** : Trott chimes in

**Three** : "Is it just a rock that looks like a dick, or did someone carve it?" Smith wonders why he didn't notice this in Trott's home. Maybe he keeps it in his bedroom.

**Three** : Smith keeps the two rocks Trott gave him on his window sill.

**Leon** : "its carved. I have it near my plants. figure if anything it’ll help them flower" Trott rolls his eyes

**Three** : Ross quietly grinning, eyebrows raised.

**Three** : Ross is very quiet but can drop this obscene humor if you know him well

**Three** : (I am looking at layouts of apartments for smith's apartment)

**Leon** : And Trott he knows well, and Smith he'll trust by extension

**Leon** : "Do you like cheese Smith?"

**Three** : "I like cheese. Not like weird moldy cheese, but like gouda and cheddar and stuff.)

**Leon** : "Well we have some cheese, from the farm. You're new in town, I can give you some if you like"

**Three** : "Sure." Smith is not one to really turn down free food.

**Three** : "Do you take it to that market, in the park?"

**Leon** : "Yep, I think I've seen you around"

**Three** : "You're part of this weird Mayberry cult of everybody knows everybody here, huh?"

**Leon** : "Mayberry?" Ross looks at Smith confused

**Leon** : "I mean I grew up in the next town over. I've lived here basically my whole life. Of course I know people."

**Three** : "Yeah." Smith nods. "Not a lot of watching reruns in the middle of the afternoon I guess, either. Mayberry was- well. It was on a TV show."

**Three** : "Everyone knows everyone here. It's just weird to me, I guess."

**Leon** : "Where did you come from? If this is weird"

**Three** : "Chicago."

**Three** : Smith always wishes they could skip the part of the conversation where people ask. He would like to be a little more invisible, but thinks he chose the wrong place. He perhaps should have settled in a bigger place.

**Leon** : "I went there once, to visit relatives. Very different from here"

**Three** : "You like living here? In the quiet? Making cheese?" Smith is curious. He's never really thought about how people get on in places like this.

**Leon** : "Yes." Ross looks out the window. "I should get back. And Shiloh is waiting outside"

**Three** : Smith twists and looks outside.

**Three** : "Oh!"

**Three** : He wants to pet the dog. Smith likes dogs.

**Leon** : "You like dogs?"

**Three** : "Yes!"

**Leon** : "Shiloh is good. Come meet her"

**Leon** : Ross doesn't even have a leash for her. Just some braided rope with a clip on it

**Leon** : He's so rarely in town, and that's the only time he needs it

**Three** : Smith follows Ross outside and immediately squats down on the sidewalk to offer his hand for Shiloh to sniff.

**Three** : He is soon delighted to be petting her, scratching her ears and her sides while she leans into him. Doesn't care that he's getting dog hair all over his post office uniform. It's mostly dark, he figures it will be fine.

**Leon** : Trott is glad to see smith happy

**Three** : He probably looks more cheerful than Trott's seen

**Three** : in his post office blue shirt and black jeans

**Leon** : Ross watches carefully, because Shiloh won’t bite people unless they are serious bad, but because she's well behaved he'll tell people to stop if they are messing with her and she's unhappy

**Leon** : Trott leans against the building avoiding her happily thumping tail.

**Leon** : Once Ross lets her up she stands in front of Smith

**Three** : Happy panting dog, occasionally licks Smith.

**Leon** : "Okay Trott. You can keep him"

**Leon** : Ross says to Trott

**Three** : "You should keep him," Trott says. "He clearly likes the dog."

**Leon** : "I like my quiet Trott. He can come over to say hi to Shiloh sometimes. When she's not working

**Three** : "What a good dog," Smith says, not really paying attention to them. "Aren't you?"

**Leon** : Smith is so very happy. She's not a bouncy dog, but clearly sweet, moving so Smith scratches the right spots

**Leon** : "Did you train her?" Smith says absently

**Three** : "Yeah." Ross scratches her chin. Amused to see Smith sitting on the sidewalk so he can better pet the dog.

**Three** : "She's got a good temperament, luckily."

**Leon** : "She's awesome."

**Leon** : Ross has totally taught her some useless tricks

**Leon** : He offers Smith some treats to give her

**Three** : Smith would happily sit on the sidewalk all afternoon.

**Three** : Petting Shiloh, letting her lick treats out of his hand.

**Three** : He's probably love having a dog, except that he's afraid of the responsibility of having something depend on him.

**Three** : Had a friend back in Chicago who had a pair of big brindle colored dogs, very gothy pets.

**Leon** : Trott scratches Shiloh’s head, because he likes her. But smith is clearly in some dire need of petting this dog

**Three** : Ross waiting for Smith to get tired, but he's very clearly not. Reluctantly looks at Trott.

**Three** : Wondering why anyone would move from Chicago to a place they find weird, like Smith does.

**Leon** : Ross figures he's going to not ask that question

**Leon** : He's sure Trott knows. But it's Smith's business.

**Three** : Trott's watching Smith, and Ross can see there's something going on there.

**Three** : But Trott's like that. Overly invested in the people around him.

**Three** : Ross has gotten used to Trott's well meaning attempts to draw him out about his family and things.

**Leon** : 

I think for ask Trott asks other people about their lives, he doesn’t talk much about his own

**Leon** : 

Ross picks up on that real quick and points it out to Trott

**Three** : Ross is forever turning Trott's questions around on him

**Leon** : Trott lets him

**Leon** : Ross probably knows more about Trott than anyone else in town

**Three** : is this where Ross gets his ice cream

**Three** : or does someone else have a different dairy

**Leon** : Yes! Oooh that’s great

**Three** : cutthroat diary competition at the farmer's market

**Leon** : I like the idea that Ross' farm is the one with the ice cream

**Three** : flavors of whatever else grows out there

**Three** : honeysuckle and strawberries

**Three** : raspberries

**Leon** : Lavender

**Leon** : Trott gets the ice cream because it’s delicious, and the added bonus of getting to say hi to Ross

**Three** : Delicious delicious ice cream

**Three** : this town has some kind of summer fruit festival like everything near where I grew up

**Three** : like the Luling watermelon thump

**Three** : it's basically like a little fair on a Saturday, and there's stands for food and probably a stage with a little band, and the local animal rescue is out and the fire department is showing how kids can hang off the arms of firemen

**Three** : there's a watermelon seed spitting contest

**Leon** : Smith is probably very good at this

**Leon** : he and tom used to spit cherry pits outside their window

**Three** : So Trott is determined to make Smith leave the house

**Three** : because he knows Smith will spend his entire day inside otherwise

**Three** : and he knows Smith is not scheduled this Saturday

**Three** : and Ross is in town for the thing, because it's a thing and everyone comes for the thing

**Leon** : Ross loves watermelon

**Leon** : Shiloh loves watermelon

**Leon** : win win

**Three** : Yes

**Three** : exactly

**Three** : Smith has his new Nikes and some shorts and some new black shirts, cause everything is still black

**Leon** : Ross sitting on a bench with Shiloh beneath him, watching the people mill about and eating lots of watermelon

**Three** : Trott drags Smith out with the promise of food and fun, even though he knows Smith doesn't like fun

**Three** : Smith just rolls his eyes at Trott and agrees to go

**Three** : Trott's full hippie today, in bright colors

**Three** : Ross sees them walking down the street, and has a moment of amusement at the rainbow and black combo

**Leon** : the blue ones

**Three** : Very Trott

**Three** : So yes. Lemonade and snow cones and watermelon and sausages.

**Leon** : Ross says to Smith "where you always colorless, or did Trott steal all your colors? normally he's not quite so vibrant"

**Three** : "Once a goth kid, always a goth kid." Smith looks at Trott. "I mean, sometimes I'd wear green. But I figure Trott's got enough rainbow here."

**Leon** : Ross laughs, and offers Smith some watermelon

**Leon** : Trott is either of chatting, or playing a ridiculous game

**Three** : Smith has to admit, the watermelon is pretty good.

**Three** : He also likes that Ross is kind of quiet, and doesn't pry.

**Three** : Just content to sit in the shade on the edge of the park path, watching

**Leon** : Smith winds up asking him questions

**Leon** : because remarkably he's found someone quieter than he is

**Leon** : and Ross is like Trott, calm and settled, but in a totally different way.

**Three** : Asking about Shiloh, about the dairy cows

**Three** : if Ross actually makes ice cream and cheese

**Leon** : Ross would tell Smith all about Shiloh. That's the one thing he talks a lot about. The dog, the cows, the farm

**Three** : Smith would ask lots of questions about having a dog

**Three** : he's never really had a pet

**Three** : sitting there, Shiloh with her head on his knee enjoying the pets

**Three** : licking the watermelon off smith's hands

**Three** : Ross telling Smith stories about dumb things cows will do

**Three** : Smith laughing, that bright loud laugh of his because Ross is funny describing these cows

**Three** : Trott looks over at some point and sees this, and feels so glad

**Leon** : Smith just stops eating watermelon, and breaks pieces off for Shiloh

**Three** : she's good at the treat on the nose trick

**Three** : holding very still

**Leon** : endlessly entertaining for Smith

**Three** : there has to be funnel cake

**Leon** : there can absolutely be funnel cake

**Three** : Because a) delicious and b) Smith getting powdered sugar on his black

**Three** : it's ridiculous and normal, this whole afternoon

**Leon** : Smith has forgotten what it’s like to just go out and do things

**Three** : he has a pleasant afternoon where he just doesn't think about it much

**Three** : aside from avoiding the fire department truck parked at one end of the park and their bounce house

**Three** : but otherwise, it's just weirdly normal

**Three** : he eats random foods

**Three** : funnel cake and grilled sausage and watermelon

**Three** : corn

**Leon** : eats probably a bit too much food

**Leon** : Ross makes a joke about how much he loves sausage

**Leon** : Smith wonders if its malignant, but Ross has that little devious smile of his

**Three** : bounces his eyebrows and takes a very suggestive bite

**Three** : Ross laughs again

**Three** : Trott looking at them with that "you are the most immature people in this park right now" look and that makes Smith laugh

**Leon** : This is possibly when Trott tries to set them up

**Three** : or at least starts getting the idea

**Leon** : Yes, he sees this, and wonders if that would work

**Three** : thinking absently that they're both tall and good looking, and they make each other laugh

**Leon** : And Ross is easy going

**Leon** : And Smith clearly loves the dog already

**Three** : Trott has gotten on Ross before about keeping himself too much alone

**Three** : getting him out to socialize a little

**Leon** : "Smith have you taken Ross up on that offer to visit the farm? You should, he likes to play tour guide

**Three** : "Bring our mail out on Saturday, I'll show you around."

**Leon** : Ross telling him which cows are mean, showing him the calves

**Three** : Smith sort of boggled by how much work goes into cows

**Leon** : Walking up the edge of the cows field in the afternoon,  to the top of the hill. Ross likes to come up here because you can see the farm, and its peaceful.

**Three** : Throwing a tennis ball for Shiloh to fetch

**Three** : "It looks like a postcard."

**Leon** : Ross shrugs

**Leon** : "Its always changing. And always the same."

**Leon** : "Still think it’s one of the prettiest views though."

**Leon** : Consider Ross and smith, in Ross' little place. Drinking Ross' mead, or apple wine.

**Three** : The dog stretched out asleep on the floor.

**Leon** : Window open for a breeze, crickets chirping

**Leon** : "She's chasing the dream rabbits" Ross points to Shiloh when she kicks her leg in her sleep.

**Three** : Smith smiling, sitting on the floor.

**Three** : "You don't get lonely, living here by yourself?"

**Three** : "I mean, aside from Shiloh."

**Leon** : Ross takes a while to think about it

**Leon** : "Yes and no."

**Leon** : He's not going to elaborate unless asked. The golden rule with Ross. You better be prepared to have only the question you asked answered

**Three** : "Which part is yes and which part is no? I mean, I'm guessing you enjoy the quiet and the nature and all that."

**Three** : Smith is genuinely curious.

**Leon** : "I miss being around people I’m close to"

**Leon** : "Having people to be close to"

**Leon** : Ross misses his siblings a lot

**Leon** : "But I do like the quiet."

**Three** : "Yeah, I can understand that." Smith sighs. He doesn't really like living alone. There's no one to yell at him to pick up his clothes, and no one to talk to in the morning, or there when he comes back.

**Leon** : "Does Shiloh help?" Smith figures s he must.  And Ross is more willing to talk about her

**Three** : "Yes. She's a good friend." Ross is so fond of his dog.

**Three** : "Always helpful, never too talkative."


	4. Chapter 4

**Leon** : Think of Ross and Smith in Trott’s apartment. Maybe he's just moved, they helped him.

**Leon** : Because Ross has a truck.

**Three** : and Smith is good at carrying things

**Leon** : And Smith sitting ion Trott’s floor says "Ross told me you got arrested."

**Leon** : Trott just looks at Ross who holds his hands up

**Leon** : "I just told him your full name! He googled you on his own!"

**Three** : Hahahaha

**Leon** : "Trott, what the hell did you get arrested for?!"

**Leon** : "This is why I don’t tell people things." Looks pointedly at the both of them.

**Three** : "It's not like I'm gossiping at the farmer's market about it!"

**Three** : "I just want to know."

**Leon** : Trott has mug shots and keeps them stuck in a drawer.

**Leon** : He pulls them out and tells the tale of how he was a young radical environmentalist

 

**Three** : what does hippie Trott eat on his toast

**Leon** : Whatever jam he has

**Leon** : Butter from Ross' farm

**Leon** : Or another farm

**Three** : I think Smith is a butter person, no jam

**Three** : I think Ross puts everything humanly possible on his toast

**Leon** : Honey on toast. Trott does that on special occasions

**Leon** : So I was thinking about Trott

**Three** : do tell

**Leon** : After he gets arrested a couple  times people know he’s one of those Radical Hippie Types

**Leon** : And I think for a long time growing up and into college he was a fairly typically dressed guy

**Leon** : But as he gets this reputation, in some ways he's associating more with people who dress and behave a certain way, but he also sort of feels if that’s what they're going to always think, fuck it, he'll dress that way too

**Leon** : And he grows to like it

**Leon** : He’s not big on belief in a lot of the mysticisms, more a "well. Couldn't hurt right? plus I love how crystals look"

**Leon** : And just slowly becomes the person smith and Ross meet, who it’s hard to imagine as anything other than the calm and colorful Trott

**Leon** : So they see these pictures of a younger Trott looking angry, and not like he does now, and that's something startling. And they both feel a little weird (smith especially) and go home thinking how they knew Trott, and thought they had him figured out.

**Leon** : I also think angry environmentalist Trott comes out at some point and smith has a "holy shit" moment

**Three** : it's probably very startling the first time he sees Trott angry about something

**Leon** : Trott says "I've spent a long time working on dealing with my anger, and some days are harder than others, and some things I just cannot be calm about"

**Leon** : Some court ruling, or terrible bill that fucks over environmental efforts

**Leon** : Smith talking about it

**Leon** : Trott hasn’t heard about it much.

**Leon** : Smith pulls up some article on his phone and Trott reads it. Yells about it. Smacks the counter in his kitchen and shouts FUCK. And storms off to his room, slams the door, and doesn’t come out for an hour

**Leon** : And when he does he apologizes to smith, and makes his little statement about dealing with anger

**Three** : Smith vaguely uneasy with that reaction

**Three** : unsure if he should stay or go

**Three** : probably doing laundry at Trott’s place

**Leon** : Smith tentatively bringing up how angry Trott looked in those photos he saw, like then Trott? Is that what you mean?

**Leon** : Smith tells himself he'll wait until the laundry is done, and then leave a note and go home

**Three** : spends a little time sitting there are Trott’s kitchen table staring at his plants

**Three** : rearranging the rocks lined up in their pots

**Leon** : Smith makes a habit of messing with the rocks Trott has in containers

**Leon** : The bowl on the coffee table, the one in the kitchen

**Leon** : Lines them up, occasionally makes dicks, mostly just rolls them around an makes endless patterns

**Three** : asks Trott what they are, where they came from

**Three** : it always drives home how empty smith keeps his place, when he spends time over at Trott's

**Three** : Trott has all these things. Books, plants, rocks, blankets, furniture, so much tea.

**Three** : I think Smith's trying to see how little he can get away living with

**Leon** : Smith also has the fear of losing it all again

**Leon** : He probably doesn’t realize that

**Leon** : But he doesn’t want anything personal. Anything nice.

**Leon** : He might lose it again.

**Leon** : Trott encourages him to get a bed

**Three** : Smith spends a lot of time dodging Trott's attempts to get him more furniture.

**Leon** : Ross just says "you’ve got a week before I show up with one"

**Three** : "Why do I need a bed?"

**Three** : "It's not like I'm bringing anyone home to it."

**Leon** : "To sleep on."

**Three** : "I have a couch! and a sleeping bag! That's like, two beds."

**Leon** : "Couches are for sitting. Beds are for sleeping."

**Leon** : "Maybe a puppy needs a home. You don't want to share a couch with a dog."

**Leon** : "Do you even fit on the couch."

**Three** : "Mostly."

**Leon** : "One week. I’ll stop by next Saturday, after the market. If you don’t have a bed I’m going to go get you one"

**Three** : Smith just puts his head in his hands.

**Leon** : He doesn’t do it

**Three** : I don't think anyone but Trott's ever been in his place.

**Three** : And Trott's only been a couple times

**Leon** : He and Ross have the conversation of "well?" ".....no" in the hallway

**Three** : Ross has a tape measure

**Leon** : Smith is quiet for a bit, Ross waits patiently

**Three** : to see what space he has

**Leon** : "Will you come with me? Help me pick something out?"

**Three** : "Ross, I really don't need a bed. It's fine. The couch is fine. If I show you the couch will you?"

**Leon** : "Smith. Why are you doing this to yourself."

**Three** : Smith leaning against the door frame.

**Three** : "It's just easier this way."

**Leon** : "Is it. Come with me, I will drive and ask the salesperson questions. You just have to lay on things and tell me which you like best."

**Three** : I think one of his neighbors comes in, carrying groceries, and Smith all but flees into his apartment because he's spent all this time avoiding having to talk to anyone.

**Three** : So Ross gets to come inside and see how empty it is. The couch shoved up by the window. The table sitting near the kitchen, with the French press and his mail and keys and things.

**Leon** : Smith talks to basically no one.

**Leon** : Trott, Ross, his few coworkers.

**Leon** : Uses the self checkouts

**Leon** : "Trott hasn't been doing his job I see" Ross says, looking around.

**Three** : "He tries." Smith shrugs. He did make me get the couch, and the table. And some dishes."

**Leon** : Ross has a talk with Trott after this. about Smith's still empty apartment.

**Leon** : Trott was feeling conscious of being too pushy, especially after the night Smith was at his place

**Three** : we think a couple months now, in this space

**Leon** : Yeah

**Three** : it still smells like new paint.

**Leon** : Ross tells Trott he's just going to start dropping things off

**Leon** : That Trott doesn’t have to be the one to give Smith the things, but if he wants to pass them along he should

**Three** : Ross is surprised Trott hasn't at least foisted a plant off on him

**Three** : "Trott, you know I don't stick my nose in anyone's business. But something's not okay with this."

**Leon** : "Ross, I'd hoped that he'd do things on his own terms. I can't take care of everything for him. And I worried I'd done too much, and pushed him too hard."

**Leon** : "How bad are things, do you think?"

**Leon** : Trott trusts Ross to give him a really straight forward and honest answer

**Three** : "Bad," Ross says.

**Three** : "I don't think he would have let me inside, except one of his neighbors came up the stairs and he all but bolted to get inside before they could say hello."

**Leon** : "Fuck. Id worried as much. I feel like an idiot. For not seeing it or doing anything"

**Three** : "Oh Trott." Ross gives him one of those side hugs.

**Leon** : "So what are we going to do? "

**Three** : "You have funny ideas about how responsible you ought to be for all the lost chickens."

**Leon** : "Well sorry for caring about him."

**Three** : "It's part of your charm, Trott, how much you care." Ross is very fond of Trott.

**Leon** : "He could use someone in his life who cares. I just can't force him to let that be me . You get on better with him. He seems happier around  you than anyone else, including me"

**Three** : Ross raises his eyebrows.

**Leon** : "So whatever help you need from me, to get him what he needs just let me know"

**Three** : "He must like you plenty, you're just about the only person in town he talks to as far as I see."

**Leon** : "I am not the only one, you're exaggerating." Trott scoffs

**Three** : "Trott, he ran away from his neighbor."

**Three** : "I've only seen someone do that if it was bad blood over that Pentecostal church down the road."

**Leon** : "Ugh. But I can't just invade his space or demand he come  over here." Trott puts a hand over his eyes. sighs after a moment and straightens up, stares into the middle distance. "I need to not get invested. I can't let him have only me to rely on. That isn’t good for either of us. So I can be compassionate. And be here when he asks for me, but I can’t and won't think I can control what happens to him"

**Three** : Ross nods quietly. Probably knows enough about Trott's past to know he's afraid of repeating old mistakes.

**Three** : "Well, it's not only you. I'm here."

**Leon** : I do think Ross takes smith to get a bed tells Trott he's doing so. Trott is waiting at the door for them. And has a canvas bag with a colorful sheet set in it. Green and grey.

**Three** : "I am telling you though Trott, I don't think that man is going to be the kind to ask for help. He's going to keep running from whatever is wrong until he falls down. So it's just a question of whether we wait for that."

**Leon** : "Well, I don’t want to."

**Three** : Ross is often implacably determined.

**Leon** : "I want him to be comfortable and happy. But I don’t think I can do much to help that. I’ll call around and get him more furniture though"

**Three** : Ross is looking at Trott, watching his face while he talks.

**Leon** : "Tell me if I need to talk to him. And I'll coax him to come over."

**Three** : He's pretty sure Trott knows something about what this is, but Trott's not saying. There must be a good reason for it.

**Three** : "Why don't we all have a meal or something? Sadie doesn't need me back until morning so I've got time."

**Leon** : "Ross stop looking at me like that, yes I'm not telling you everything Smith's told me, but you need to talk to him."

**Three** : "Looking at you like what?"

**Three** : Ross makes an innocent face.

**Leon** : "That thing you do with your eyebrows pulled together, a considering look in your eye while you inspect my facial expression. And you’re chewing on your lip"

**Three** : "A considering look!" Ross scoffs.

**Three** : "I am not considering anything."

**Leon** : "Sure."

**Leon** : "We should have dinner. Will you get Smith over to my place?"

**Leon** : (Having this conversation outside by Ross' truck, after Trott gives Smith the sheets

**Three** : "I can do that. He'll want to know how he can pay me back, and I'll tell him he has to take me to dinner at yours because you're making something delicious, right?"

**Leon** : "Of course."

**Leon** : Trott also now has plans to get smith a second comforter

**Leon** : After seeing him unzip the sleeping bag to use as a blanket

**Three** : Ross wants to hug Trott, settles for touching his shoulder briefly.

**Leon** : So he can hold  Tom's

**Three** : The bed came with a free pillow

**Three** : so at least he has a pillow

**Leon** : "Come over when he's ready."

**Leon** : Smith asked for a minute. He just sat on the bed, ended up flopping over and just burying his face in the blanket and trying not to have a breakdown over how this feels like far too much

**Three** : no headboard or anything. Just that basic metal with wheels to hold the box spring and mattress off the floor.

**Leon** : Trott spends a few seconds debating what color comforter to get Smith. Sitting in the car before he heads to his place

**Leon** : Decides to do it right now, goes to the weird little department store and buys a black comforter

**Three** : Ross walks upstairs slowly, lets himself into Smith's apartment.

**Leon** : It only takes him a few minutes. Heads home and starts thinking about dinner, leaving the blanket in its bag on the table

**Three** : Frowns at how empty it feels, how much like there's no sign of who smith is. For all that Smith's been here almost three months, it still looks like he got here yesterday.

**Three** : Smith makes himself get up and wash his face in the sink, hoping his eyes aren't red.

**Leon** : Ross gives him some space, makes a little noise so Smith knows he's there

**Leon** : Waits for smith to come  to him

**Leon** : (Ross left Shiloh at home. Because he knew they'd need it get Smith's furniture)

**Leon** : Ross thinks Smith is like a dog he once knew, it was unhappy and stressed, and it would pull on its fur and got sores from chewing itself. Smith is letting himself keep hurting, and its making it worse

**Three** : "At least let me pay for your gas or something," Smith says. Ross just smiles at him, watches the way Smith fidgets.

**Three** : "How about you have dinner with me and Trott, and we call it even?"

**Three** : "Oh."

**Three** : "Unless you've got somewhere to be?"

**Three** : "No, uh. Yeah. Okay."

**Leon** : Smith thinks he should put on something nicer


	5. Chapter 5

**Three** : I was thinking about Smith, and his apartment

**Leon** : Ooooh boy.

**Three** : He's very resistant to things. But sometimes he will let Ross drag him out for some small thing.

**Three** : I was thinking he didn't have towels

**Leon** : Ross can tell the days this will work, and how long he has to wait between things

**Three** : Ross takes him to a Target somewhere, and Smith buys towels. And I think if Smith buys things, they are all monochrome. Black, white, grey.

**Three** : Ross teases him gently about it, asks if he's making up for Trott.

**Leon** : (this is why Trott bought his the green sheets. But he got Smith a black comforter because he knew that Smith would feel weird about so much color)

**Three** : So there's Smith, buying grey towels, and Ross thinks it is kind of sad but at least Smith has some damn towels now, and he's definitely not thinking about how Smith managed to get dry all this time without towels.

**Leon** : designated towel t-shirt

**Three** : or just laying there under the ceiling fan until he's dry

**Leon** : a wash cloth he doesn’t use to wash with

**Three** : Ross tries picking up odd little things, asking Smith if he needs them.

**Three** : "White board with glow in the dark border?"

**Leon** : "Saw a little table with a free sign -R" just left outside his door

**Three** : "Hideous ceramic candle holder?"

**Three** : Smith usually texts back "pls no" or "god no"

**Leon** : Ross having a truck helps, because he can see a yardsale or something and just say "yeah how much is that armchair? cool, I want it"

**Three** : Smith has a moment when Ross shows up with the chair.

**Leon** : Ross thinks if Smith has to deny all the weird shit, maybe he'll just take the things that are useful without comment

**Three** : "Why do I need a chair, Ross?"

**Leon** : it’s one of those old recliners, with the little lever

**Three** : "I already have a couch."

**Leon** : "Cuz you're a cranky recluse, you might as well have a chair to curse the world from."

**Leon** : "And what if Trott and I come over?"

**Three** : Smith just looks at him and sighs.

**Three** : "Okay. On the off chance for some reason there are two people in my apartment at the same time."

**Leon** : For Christmas (midwinter, Trott says) Trott gets him a USED. ITS REFURBISHED SMITH. playstation

**Leon** : Trott drove all the way to the larger town nearby ish

**Leon** : and a few games

**Three** : Ross has found a television he foisted off on Smith at some point.

**Leon** : Trott gets Smith two controllers

**Leon** : "In case you're having trouble with one. you know"

**Leon** : not because he might play with someone

**Leon** : though Trott hopes he might. because video games were such a thing. maybe smith won't want to play them with other people. but maybe it would be good for him

**Three** : Smith grateful for the extra hours because of the post office busy season

**Three** : but utterly miserable as the holidays happen

**Leon** : the holidays off are murder for him

**Leon** : what do Trott and Ross do about this

**Leon** : I think Smith is also bothered by the Snow.

**Leon** : It’s not like how it is in the city.

**Leon** : it gets shoved away, and goes dirty so fast

**Leon** : everything is white. it makes him feel like he stands out even more, and almost like he's being suffocated

**Three** : Tom's mom writes or calls, asks if he wants to spend Christmas with them

**Leon** : Smith of course declines

**Leon** : She tentatively asks him how things are. Is he doing okay. Gets a bit emotional because she does miss him, and she wants him to be happy.

**Leon** : She calls when Smith is with Ross or Trott

**Three** : Smith doesn't know what to say

**Three** : wavers between truth and a comforting lie

**Three** : Tells her it's hard, and he misses Tom so much it hurts, but he has a job and a little apartment

**Leon** : Tom and Smith used to make something ridiculous for breakfast on Christmas

**Leon** : open their awful presents for each other

**Three** : get drunk early in the day

**Three** : watch movies

**Three** : play games

**Leon** : save the real one they each have for later, when they go have Christmas, dinner, and more presents with Tom's family

**Leon** : fight over which Christmas movies to watch

**Three** : Smith tells Tom's mom he doesn't know what to do without Tom yelling at him to stop leaving his clothes on the floor, and she laughs and threatens to send him a dozen laundry hampers

**Leon** : He laughs but thinks of how he'd still put the clothes on the floor

**Leon** : and there'd still be no one to tell him to put them away

**Three** : Smith spends a lot of time just sitting there, the TV on low playing something just to make noise

**Three** : he stares out the window at the snow

**Leon** : Ross texts smith and asks him if he wants to come over

**Three** : Smith's probably been even more avoidant than normal

**Three** : not taking anyone's calls

**Three** : trudging to work and back

**Leon** : "I need a hand with something"

**Three** : "If they plowed the roads then okay."

**Three** : Smith's not keen on driving in the snow, but he has this residual guilt about how much Ross has done for him.

**Leon** : "I'll come get you"

**Leon** : Ross plows out the long drive on his way out.

**Leon** : Snowed a lot the night before

**Leon** : Oooh Ross plows the roads in winter.

**Leon** : He was out all night keeping roads clear

**Leon** : Caught a few hours sleep and woke up around noon

**Leon** : And he has a plan.

**Three** : Smith waiting on the steps at his building, in a hoodie and his leather jacket, the gloves he finally caved and bought, his stompy boots.

**Leon** : Ross takes Smith up around the fields. Down by the creek out back. Shiloh loves the snow

**Leon** : Smith catches on to the throwing snowballs  for her

**Three** : She gets excited about biting the snow

**Leon** : She looks betrayed when he pretends to pack the snow but he throws a handful and it all floats away

**Leon** : Ross gets a sled, and an old blanket and some rope out of the truck

**Leon** : "Oh jeeze. Is this how I go?”

**Leon** : Ross just shaking his head.

**Leon** : Makes smith pull the empty sled

**Three** : "It's not nice to make a man dig his own grave, you know. I hope you kill me first, Ross."

**Leon** : Trudging through knee deep snow over to the trees

**Leon** : Out here, in the quiet, smith feels a bit better

**Leon** : There’s just the sound of their boots, and Shiloh, and some birds.

**Three** : quiet is still weird, but at least the setting is different.

**Leon** : He sort of wants to curl up in the snow and not leave.

**Leon** : When they get to the trees Ross just says "okay, go find a Christmas tree"

**Three** : Smith just looks at him

**Three** : "What?"

**Leon** : "I promised Trott id only take one of the trees that carry disease to apple trees"

**Leon** : Ross shows him the tree. The reddish bark, and the needles that aren’t really needles. Smith feels pretty sure he can tell it apart

**Leon** : "Now lets find one to take home

**Leon** : Shiloh is rooting around under a log

**Leon** : Ross whistles and she bounds back

**Three** : Smith follows along bemused.

**Leon** : Ross is picky. It needs to be a good size and shape

**Leon** : 

Smith points out blatantly bad trees

**Leon** : Tiny ones

**Leon** : Huge ones.

**Three** : "I mean, where is this even going Ross? How do I know what size tree you need?"

**Leon** : Points at one that is good and Ross automatically starts to shake his head, but then stops and considers the tree

**Leon** : Unrolls the blanket and takes out his little hand saw

**Leon** : "Do you want to have a go?"

**Three** : "Uh. How does this work?"

**Three** : Smith's never used a saw in his life.

**Three** : Ross is very happy to show him how to hold it, what to do. His hand on Smith's arm.

**Three** : cutting down a tree is pretty hard, smith thinks

**Leon** : Smith thinks it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have branches tugging his hair and his shirt  wasn’t riding up and his knees weren’t getting soaked

**Three** : Ross takes over after a bit

**Leon** : Smith plays more snowball with Shiloh

**Leon** : And watches Ross cut down the tree and make it look easy

**Leon** : "Smith, hold the trunk. Pull it towards you"

**Three** : Smith gets a facefull of branches

**Leon** : And soon an armful of tree

**Three** : Red faced and huffing as he helps Ross put it on the sled

**Leon** : They tie it up  first

**Leon** : Lay it on the blanket with the rope beneath. Keep passing it under, looping it so it holds the branches in

**Leon** : "Now it really does look like a dead body"

**Leon** : "Well. It is. Just a tree body."

**Three** : "You're not going to kill me so you can water your trees with my blood are you?"

**Leon** : "Not today." Shiloh has found a stick she carries with her back to the truck

**Leon** : Ross and Smith both hold the rope on the sled, even though the tree is light enough they don’t really need to

**Three** : "Where is this going?"

**Three** : Smith is glad he tucked his jeans into his boots

**Leon** : "In my place"

**Leon** : "I like the lights"

**Three** : Smith nods.

**Three** : He and Tom never had a tree, but sometimes they would hang up lights.

**Three** : He thinks there is something very pleasant about the exertion of this.

**Leon** : This was a thing for Ross' family, going and getting a tree

**Three** : Smith's parents were erratic about holidays

**Three** : he is less rooted in traditions

**Leon** : Especially when they separated. Who has to take the kid

**Three** : he bounced back and forth a lot

**Leon** : Ross has Smith "help" setup the tree

**Leon** : Aka, sit on Ross' couch and drink hot chocolate, and pet Shiloh

**Three** : Smith is chilled and just glad to be inside.

**Leon** : Wood heat

**Three** : He points on when the tree is crooked

**Leon** : Smith has planted his feet right in front of the wood stove.

**Three** : As much as fire makes him feel uncomfortable and weird, he's COLD

**Leon** : The first time he saw the wood stove actually in use, was not fun

**Leon** : Ross bringing him in, needing to put more wood on because he’s been out all day

**Three** : Smith gets edgy around fires of any kind

**Leon** : It startles him the first time, and he nearly grabs Ross and runs outside

**Leon** : He is unnerved by how common it  is here

**Three** : some autumn community bonfire

**Three** : Smith spends the evening shut in his bathroom, hiding from the smell of smoke

**Leon** : Does he tell Ross? Ross figures pretty quick that fire is not good for smith.

**Leon** : But how much and when does Smith tell him

**Leon** : Maybe this snowy day, smith napping on the sofa.

**Three** : I think Smith is very reluctant to say anything for a long time

**Leon** : Months, years

**Three** : There's probably something

**Three** : months

**Leon** : Ross opens the stove, and the sound of the fire and the kick of smoke jerk him awake

**Leon** : Smashes the mug resting on the armrest because he knocks it off

**Three** : Smith's up in a flash, terrified

**Leon** : Shiloh is immediately on red alert, confused though, wondering where the danger is

**Leon** : Ross just stays crouched in front of the stove while Smith stares at him

**Three** : Smith's wide eyed, almost vibrating with adrenaline

**Three** : Makes a choked little noise, spins around and walks outside

**Three** : Stands there in the cold, breathing hard

**Leon** : Ross has a little landing outside his door. Because he’s in what was part of a hay loft.

**Leon** : Ross carefully finishes tending the stove. Shuts it

**Leon** : Lets Shiloh outside, cracks the door but stays out of sight, shutting it behind her tail

**Three** : Smith ashamed of his violent reaction, paralyzed. Just standing there, holding his arms tight over his chest.

**Three** : Not sure if it will be worse to try to apologize

**Three** : or to try to do that thing where they all just pretend it didn't happen

**Leon** : Shiloh lays down and puts her head on his foot

**Leon** : Smith thinks its Ross until he hears her collar jingle

**Leon** : And he turns, no Ross on the landing. Just Shiloh

**Leon** : Ross has cleaned up the mug when Smith gets back

**Leon** : Just putting it in the bin

**Three** : Smith shifting uncertainly from foot to foot.

**Leon** : "You didn’t step on ceramic did you?" He asks Smith, standing in his socks

**Three** : "No." Smith had forgotten he was only in his socks until Shiloh put her head on his foot.

**Leon** : "Will you come sit?"

**Three** : Smith tries to find the place furthest from the stove to sit down.

**Leon** : "Smith, you don’t have to visit here. If the fire bothers you."

**Leon** : Ross sits on the other end of the couch, mostly blocking smiths view of the fire when he leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees

**Three** : "I thought you and Trott were on me to leave my apartment more, not find reasons to stay home."

**Leon** : "That's not what I'm  saying."

**Leon** : Ross looks at him. Smith is closed off and defensive for a reason. Telling him that won’t help, so Ross just calmly says his piece

**Leon** : "I think it is good for you to get out, but not at the risk you will have such a reaction, and panic. This place has only ever been one I want to be safe for you"

**Leon** : "We can go other places. Trott's. Wherever"

**Three** : "Nothing's safe," Smith says. He tries to steady himself. He knows it isn't fair to be so angry. "I just have to get over it."

**Leon** : "You make what call you want Smith. You don’t ever have tell me what happened. But you do need to tell me if something needs to change."

**Three** : "Trott didn't tell you?" Smith is surprised. He just assumed.

**Three** : He feels uncertain and strange.

**Leon** : "No. He thinks that's up to you, and I agree"

**Three** : "Shit." Smith thought Ross already knew and was just supremely tactful in pretending like Smith wasn't a monster.

**Leon** : "Smith."

**Leon** : Ross looks at the horror on his face and tries to figure out how to make his words work

**Leon** : "It doesn’t change you. Me knowing. It’s a part of you. I know you. I like you, and trust you."

**Leon** : "Shiloh doesn’t like bad people."

**Three** : "First time for everything," Smith says grimly.

**Three** : He hugs himself and wonders if he should get it over with.

**Three** : There's something terrible about how weirdly kind Trott and Ross have been about it.

**Leon** : "You can either accept what I say or not. It is true for me, I can’t make it that way for you"

**Leon** : Ross gets up. Puts a little blanket over Smith's shoulders while he leaves him on the couch

**Leon** : Rests his hand on Smith's shoulder for a brief moment, then goes to the kitchen to make some cookies

**Three** : Smith's knee bouncing anxiously.

**Three** : "I don't know how to say it."

**Leon** : "You don't have to. You could write it. Text it to me."

**Three** : Smith pulls the blanket around his shoulders and closes his eyes.

**Three** : "I lived with my best friend Tom in Chicago."

**Three** : Takes a deep breath to steady himself.

**Three** : "I took the smoke detector off the ceiling in the kitchen, because we were always setting it off doing something or other. Burning dinner. And it just beeped even after I changed the battery."

**Three** : "I was out one night, and Tom stayed home. A fire started, in another part of the apartment building."

**Three** : Smith feels a little shake in his gut and rushes through, trying to finish.

**Three** : "He died, and it was my fault, for taking the stupid fucking smoke detector down."

**Three** : Smith opens his eyes and stares at the floor.

**Three** : "So now you know."

**Three** : He sounds tired and sad.


	6. Chapter 6

**Leon** : Think about Ross taking Smith sledding

**Three** : is this a thing grownups do

**Three** : I assumed this was the sport of small children

**Three** : as in, I think I have only ever seen sleds that were small

**Three** : but my knowledge of these things is very limited

**Leon** : Oh Three

**Leon** : Everyone goes sledding

**Leon** : every hardware store sells sleds starting in late October, early November

**Leon** : also smith totally gets soaked

**Leon** : Ross is wearing insulated coveralls.

**Three** : poor Smith

**Leon** : jeans are not snow friendly

**Leon** : you're fine until you go inside

**Leon** : I half imagine Ross loans him something to wear, and sticks his pants on a rack by the stove

**Leon** : the ubiquitous clothes drying rack located next to the wood stove

**Three** : Smith who is freezing but still hates sitting too near the stove

**Leon** : Ross gives him blankets. And his place is fairly small so it warms up fast.

**Three** : Worn out and almost dozing off in a chair at the table.

**Leon** : I've been considering what Ross' reaction to Smith telling him about tom and the fire would be

**Three** : do share your thoughts

**Leon** : I don’t know, I think Ross would either not really do anything, but say something brief to Smith. Not really treat him different

**Leon** : or be sort of different than he normally is. sit down with Smith, stop what he's doing. not say a whole lot still, but maybe take Smith's shaky hand and hold it in his, or give him a hug

**Leon** : I really couldn’t put a pin on it

**Leon** : what are your thoughts?

**Three** : I think he'd have some reaction. It's not every day someone tells you something like this, and Smith's clearly a mess of a human being.

**Three** : I think Ross would see Smith's just waiting for whatever his reaction is going to be. And I think he'd be startled because he didn't really consider Smith's damage was something like this.

**Leon** : yeah

**Leon** : there’s just some things you can’t figure out

**Leon** : I thought a lot about Ross also just sitting with him and giving him a hug and not letting go

**Three** : I think he'd say something, some exclamation of surprise or shock, because Ross.

**Leon** : "Shit."

**Three** : yeah

**Leon** : walks over, sits with Smith

**Leon** : gives him a hug, and says "Fuck Smith. I'm sorry."

**Leon** : "I don't know how the only people I’ve told somehow don't hate me"

**Leon** : Smith still feels very very startled by this

**Leon** : that they've shown him nothing but compassion, when he still expects them to be angry with him or disgusted

**Three** : "God, Smith, you're not a murderer." Ross shaking his head. "Just, something fucked up and terrible happened."

**Leon** : Smith doesn’t really say anything. Because he's still not sure he believes that

**Three** : Ross would mull this over and think about how this explains all the weird things, like Smith's empty apartment and his quiet, lonely life.

**Three** : "Has Trott tried to do the thing where he gets you to talk about your feelings?"

**Three** : Because Trott has totally done that to Ross at some point.

**Leon** : "Yeah. He did" Smith isn't sure if he should mention this wound up with him crying on Trott for far too long, and then sleeping on his couch

**Three** : "Well, at least you know Trott's not a gossip."

**Leon** : "He seems like he would be. How much he wants to know about other people."

**Leon** : Smith has been around Trott while he chats with people. Trott often encourages Smith to go out with him, farmers market, whatever. But he doesn’t make Smith engage

**Three** : "He just cares about everyone too much, I suppose." Ross shrugs. "Trott is very invested in the world becoming a better place and he tends to take it personally when it doesn't."

**Leon** : "He must hate me then. It’s been months, and if anything I’m worse than before"

**Leon** : Trott has been trying hard not to see it as a personal failing that he hasn't been able to do much for Smith. "enough" is what he thinks, but he tries to talk himself out of that.

**Three** : "If Trott hated you, you would know it. He certainly wouldn't be asking you to dinner or trying to get you out of your place."

**Leon** : "Does he even hate anyone?"

**Three** : "Oh yes." Ross' tight little smile.

**Leon** : Smith is going to ignore the lump in his throat, that Trott is doing these things. It’s not been spoken in as plain words really. So hearing it hurts, in a way that makes smith sad and guilty

**Three** : "He beats himself up a bit for not being a saint enough, but there's some people in this life he hates. I'm fairly certain you're not one of them."

**Three** : Ross wants to reassure Smith.

**Leon** : "What kind of people? He was talking to me about forgiving people, and it seemed like he was one of those people who'd basically forgiven anyone"

**Leon** : Smith is startled in a way, that Trott has people that he hates. Despite feeling like Trott should probably hate him

**Leon** : Smith thinks of Trott as someone who is almost obnoxiously good. He's not holier than thou about it though, so Smith doesn’t mind it

**Three** : "Well." Ross waffles on how much to say. "There was someone in his past who hurt him. And I'm pretty sure he hates our governor for gutting some of the wildlife protections last year, because someone shot a wolf protecting her pups."

**Leon** : Smith considers this, and wonders a lot about what type of person Trott would know to hurt him beyond forgiving

**Leon** : And how Trott manages to still be who he is, after whatever happened

**Leon** : Ross isn’t going to tell him, if he even knows.

**Three** : Ross puts a hand on Smith's shoulder. He's a little more casual than Trott.

**Three** : "Look."

**Three** : "There's no wrong way to grieve a person, so if this whole living in miserable isolation is how you need to do it, then okay. But you can also come out and see people. I'm here. Trott's here."

**Three** : "Neither of us will say anything about it to anyone."

**Leon** : "I don't want to be that guy everyone invites along, because I’m miserable and you feel bad for me. I hate being around me. Don't imagine its much fun for either of you"

**Three** : "You're not always a miserable fuck." Ross smiles again.

**Three** : "And Shiloh does like you, which I always take as a good sign."

**Leon** : "That's because I throw sticks for her and feed her food."

**Leon** : Smith feels a bit better. barely noticeable. But it’s comforting that Ross has taken this in stride.

**Three** : "You ever buy eggs from that woman Melanie at the market?"

**Three** : "The eggs are fine. But Shiloh can't stand that woman. She tries."

**Three** : "I don't know why."

**Three** : "She even once tried to give Shiloh some chicken. Still doesn't like her."

**Leon** : "huh"

**Leon** : Chicken is probably one of Shiloh's favorite things

**Leon** : She doesn't chase the chickens on the farm, but whenever Ross sees her watching them he say "They aren't cooked yet. You can have them then"

**Three** : "She's a gossip. Maybe that's why." Ross shrugs. "Point is, the dog is smarter than you think."

**Leon** : "Hey, I already think she's really smart!"

**Leon** : "She does that baseball trick" Ross has taught her a trick where if she's got a stick in her mouth, he'll say "baseball" or "batter up" and then mock throw, and she spins around with the stick, almost as if she's trying to hit the pretend baseball

**Three** : "She's a good dog."

**Three** : Shiloh is back to sleeping on the rug

**Leon** : She likes to sleep in front of the fire

**Leon** : she does that thing my grandparents cats would do

**Leon** : alternate between right by the stove, and then by the door

**Leon** : heat up

**Leon** : cool off

**Leon** : I think Ross probably shows up with a better fire extinguisher at Smith's at some point. Smith has the regulation one from the landlord in the cupboard under the sink. but its tiny, and probably doesn’t work. Ross gets him a nice one, and replaces the one in his place, And makes Trott get one too. "Ross why do I... ah. I'll get one this week"

**Leon** : Ross also show's Smith how to basically kill the fire in his stove.

**Leon** : shut the drafts, kill its oxygen.

**Three** : Smith eats out a lot, or just cold things, because sometimes he can't deal with the stove

**Leon** : Smith doesn't leave without checking the stove at least twice

**Leon** : even if he hasn’t used it

**Three** : He's super grateful for the fire extinguisher

**Leon** : Is Smith on the first floor? or second

**Leon** : If he's on an upper floor Ross makes sure the window to the fire escape is easily openable

**Three** : second

**Leon** : So Ross makes sure the window is good. It’s probably not. Old, and painted shut

**Leon** : Ross probably goes with Smith and tells the landlord they should replace that window because it’s dangerous

**Three** : I think he's living in an old warehouse building that has been converted into fancy new apartments

**Three** : gentrification

**Leon** : So either a good new window, or a terrible one

**Leon** : in all the converted older buildings I’d seen, the windows were either the new easy to open ones, or old wood framed probably nailed and painted in place

**Leon** : What’s the fire escape situation in his building

**Three** : I think probably one that runs across the back

**Three** : he could get to it from the window by the kitchen

**Three** : I think the apartments occupy front to back space

**Three** : Smith's is the second in line, not an end unit

**Three** : stairs between pairs of units, four or six in a row, double high

**Three** : so he's got those big windows that face front to the street, in the living room and bedroom.

**Three** : a smaller window in the kitchen that looks back

**Leon** : makes sense.

**Leon** : does smith even use his bedroom at first

**Leon** : or does he just keep it shut, and pretend he doesn’t have more empty space

**Leon** : I think Trott doesn’t give him a plant, because he doesn't want to burden Smith with something he has to take care of, when he's struggling so much to take care of himself

**Three** : let me see

**Three** : that isn't quite how I imagine the layout

**Three** : I think the front door is in the side of the living room

**Three** : I think he just puts his things in the bedroom

**Three** : puts all his belongings in the closet

**Leon** : Between Trott and Ross they get him some things

**Leon** : but it still sort of feels not lived in. It’s hard, because Smith doesn’t have all the little weird things

**Three** : I agree about the plant btw

**Three** : Smith doesn't want to be responsible for any living thing

**Leon** : he's got the semblance of a place that’s comfortable and homey but its missing the personal aspects of it

**Three** : he doesn't hang anything up on the walls

**Three** : no little things. no shelves.

**Leon** : Has like three movies

**Three** : Smith eats standing up in his kitchen or sitting on his couch

**Leon** : Trott or Ross gives him a haircut at some point. Because going into the little place in town is terrifying

**Leon** : Trott stops by, at some point. Because neither he or Ross have heard from Smith in several days

**Leon** : Smith only answers the door because Trott knocks, and then says its him

**Three** : Smith letting Trott in, because he's gotten used to Trott at least

**Three** : feels a moment of guilt about how empty things are

**Three** : tries to pick up a little

**Leon** : "Smith, do you want to come run some errands with me?"

**Three** : Smith agrees because he doesn't want to see the momentary look of disappointment in Trott's eyes.

**Three** : "Sure, uh. Let me find my jacket."

**Three** : The jacket is sitting on the chair

**Three** : He thinks it is at least easy to find things because he doesn't have many

**Leon** : Trott asks him how work has been

**Leon** : Smith's maybe been working more, the post office gets a lot of mail close to the holidays

**Three** : "Busy, so busy. Some woman came in with sixty cards. SIXTY."

**Leon** : "That seems a bit excessive"

**Three** : Smith's had to help at the counter some

**Leon** : The first day of that was hell

**Leon** : Trott is just relieved Smith agreed to come out with him

**Leon** : Trott has a mission for the day

**Three** : Smith's been so exhausted

**Three** : just eating toast and hiding inside

**Leon** : "I was going to go into the city" the big town. Smith gets some crazy hilarity over the fact that its referred to as a city

**Leon** : "Have some things I can't get out here"

**Leon** : Trott is going to make Smith get a winter coat

**Leon** : no more of this insufficient layering bs

**Three** : Smith laughs.

**Three** : "The big city!"

**Leon** : "Yes, me the country bumpkin. That's why I'm taking city boy with me. I'm scared of the big bad city"

**Leon** : Trott deadpans

**Three** : "Better wear my boots then, in case I have to kick someone's ass."

**Leon** : "My savior"

**Leon** : Trott wants some more jeans maybe. Wants some new cookware or something

**Leon** : but mostly he wants to get Smith a coat

**Three** : (are they going to a mall)

**Leon** : Yes

**Leon** : Of course

**Leon** : the mall, where Trott can just happen to want to wander department stores

**Leon** : and find a coat Smith might like

**Leon** : something like that is what they get I think

**Three** : "It would be nice to see something other than here," Smith admits. "Feels like this whole town could have fit inside a park back home."

**Leon** : "And you can get something to eat that’s totally unhealthy and not organic or from a hippie farm, and I will to"

**Three** : "Sold." Smith running a hand through his hair. "I could go for terrible take out chinese or something."

**Leon** : They just walk around

**Leon** : Trott is so happy to see Smith shittalking all the weird fashion stuff

**Three** : Smith's lip curl at Hot Topic in the mall.

**Three** : "Mall goths."

**Leon** : the mall is playing Christmas songs, all the decorations

**Leon** : Trott laughs at him, points to the little stalls with colorful scarfs

**Leon** : "mall hippies?"

**Three** : "Yoga hippies," Smith says with great derision. "Lots of women who take expensive yoga classes and tell you how kale will cure you."

**Leon** : Trott laughs. Shakes his head

**Leon** : "Whatever makes them happy I guess. And kale is good for you."

**Three** : "Kale is disgusting, Trott. It's meant to be decorative."

**Leon** : "I like it. More for me."

**Three** : Smith shakes his head.

**Three** : "You're weird Trott. But that's okay. Let's find you some jeans or whatever it is you need. You could get some nice mom jeans over here."

**Leon** : "Oh boy." Trott says, fake cheerful

**Leon** : "Lets wander some stores. There's time yet. I just need something on sale that's sturdy"

**Three** : Smith feels okay in the anonymity of a mall crowd

**Three** : Feels familiar

**Three** : Less strangers trying to talk to him

**Leon** : Trott's occasional hand on his back, guiding him wherever he's headed.

**Leon** : because he doesn’t want to lose Smith in the crowd

**Three** : Smith's very easy going, because he doesn't feel like there's anything expected of him other than being here.

**Three** : He finds himself zoning out

**Three** : Thinking about what to buy Tom for Christmas

**Three** : Has to remind himself not to

**Leon** : Trott wanders around some coats, gets Smith to try some on

**Leon** : "You can tell me my ass looks fat in these jeans, and I'll judge you in coats"

**Three** : "More like your ass looks nonexistent in these jeans, Trott."

**Leon** : "Thanks Smith."

**Three** : "Just here to help you make good choices

**Leon** : "Okay, now you. Model these coats for me"

**Three** : "Oh I see what you're up to."

**Three** : Smith raises his eyebrows.

**Three** : "You want to buy Ross a coat, and he's about my height."

**Leon** : "Yep. So go on, model for me"

**Three** : Smith handing his leather jacket to Trott to hold while he tries on coats.

**Leon** : "I like that one. Looks good"

**Three** : "The sleeves are a little tight."

**Three** : "He's probably more broad in the shoulders than I am."

**Leon** : "There might be a bigger size? Do you think that would help"

**Three** : "Maybe." Smith pulls on another one. "What about this? Would he wear this? It feels nice."

**Leon** : "He might. I can ask him. Here, pose for me. I'll send him a picture"

**Leon** : Takes a picture of Smith and sends it to Ross "y/y?"

**Leon** : "Do you like it?"

**Leon** : "Would you wear it?"

**Three** : "It's nice. I think he'll like it. I mean, unless we need to find something more colorful for him."

**Three** : Smith had a greatcoat.

**Three** : One of the eleven billion things left behind.

**Leon** : "I think this is good. Lets get this, and I'll look for jeans somewhere else."

**Three** : "You don't want mom jeans?"

**Leon** : "Much as I like mom jeans, that fabric wears out really fast"

**Three** : "Sure you don't want some mall goth jeans?"

**Leon** : "No Smith. I'll wind up with holes in the knees on my own."

**Leon** : Does Trott wait until Christmas or does he just give the bag to Smith in the car

**Leon** : "Here don't forget your new coat"

**Three** : Smith opens his mouth to make a very sexual comment, chokes.

**Three** : "My new coat?"

**Leon** : "Go ahead Smith. Say it"

**Leon** : maybe as they leave the store

**Leon** : "Want me to carry the bag or do you want to carry around your new coat"

**Three** : "Spend a lot of time on your knees, do you Trott?"

**Leon** : "Yes I do Smith. I get very dirty when I do so."

**Leon** : Trott helping out with the community garden

**Three** : Smith laughs delightedly

**Three** : "I had no idea you were such a perv Trott, I'm so glad."

**Leon** : "Well, not as much anymore. No time for being a sexual deviant when I've got work"

**Three** : "Guess it is harder in a small place like this."

**Leon** : "Harder?" Trott says with a smirk

**Three** : Smith rolls his eyes. "Trott."

**Three** : "I meant, your filthy perv, that it is not like this town has a happening night life."

**Leon** : "True. I don't really mind. Those parts of my life are over. Single hippie life it is for me."

**Three** : "But there's Ross, who will probably be glad to get his nice coat for Christmas. You can offer to bang him on it."

**Leon** : "Smith, the coat isn't for Ross, you idiot. Ross has like four carhart coats and he won't wear anything but, because he is a sensible farm boy."

**Leon** : "And I'm not going to bang Ross."

**Three** : "Why did you buy this coat then?" Smith frowns. "And why not? Ross is good looking."

**Leon** : "I bought it for you, because you need a good winter coat when it gets really cold"

**Leon** : "And why are you so intent on hooking me up with Ross. You bang him if you think he's good looking."

**Three** : Smith has to look away, feeling that lump in his throat.

**Three** : "Trott..."

**Leon** : "I can't really believe you didn't figure that out, when I was having you pick out coats you liked"

**Leon** : Trott laughing, trying to move on because he doesn’t want to make it into a thing. Especially in public.

**Three** : "You didn't need to get me a coat." Smith's quiet, following along.

**Three** : "But thank you."

**Leon** : "I somehow didn't think you'd get one yourself"

**Three** : "I mean, I have a perfectly good leather jacket

**Leon** : "That’s not a winter coat Smith. and you don't want to ruin that getting it wet in the freezing rain"

**Three** : "It's waxed and all. But okay. I hadn't thought about buying a new coat. Just another thing."

**Leon** : "I know. So I was an asshole and just did it for you."

**Leon** : "Food first? or jeans?"

**Three** : "Jeans. If you eat first you'll be all puffed and you won't get the right fit."

**Leon** : "Jeans it is then"

**Leon** : Trott know exactly where to get jeans

**Leon** : he knew this all along

**Three** : Trott is sneaky.

**Leon** : Trott is nice so people forget he's sneaky

**Three** : Smith was not expecting him to be sneaky.

**Leon** : and don't try to be sneaky to him because Trott has his issues Buried (he'd like to think. Ross knows better)

**Leon** : Trott gets the same jeans, at the same store, because they fit, and they work

**Leon** : he doesn't even need to try them on

**Leon** : already knew they were on sale, that's why he came to get them today

**Leon** : and he decided that he could probably convince Smith to get a winter coat too

**Leon** : he didn’t expect it to be quiet so easy

**Three** : Smith's barely touched the money from his renter's insurance

**Three** : aside from putting down the deposit on the apartment

**Three** : he makes Trott let him buy lunch

**Three** : mall court food

**Three** : what does Trott get from the mall food court

**Leon** : either gets a salad

**Leon** : or a giant slice of pizza

**Three** : "No healthy food Trott, we're in a mall."

**Leon** : Trott gets pepperoni pizza

**Leon** : what does Smith get

**Three** : I'm thinking Smith gets mall court Chinese

**Three** : general tso's chicken or something

**Leon** : Sitting at a little table together

**Leon** : Smith liked to play the game of "what does this person do, what are they like" with tom

**Leon** : Trott points at a lady "I bet she makes her kids say grace before they eat every meal"

**Leon** : The kids have that weird almost doll look to them, the way she's had them dressed

**Three** : "And makes them sit there until they clear the plate." Smith with his chopsticks.

**Three** : "Even if they have to stay there until midnight."

**Leon** : Trott nods. He's probably eating his pizza with a knife and fork

**Three** : Smith is judging silently.

**Three** : He's good with chopsticks.

**Leon** : Trott just doesn’t want to make a mess because the pizza slice is huge

**Three** : Smith patronizes the one and only pizza place near his apartment.

**Three** : Pizza is easy.

**Three** : and it comes to the door.

**Leon** : And he can have food for a couple days


	7. Chapter 7

**Three** : I think after Trott buys Smith that coat, Smith spends a lot of time wondering if Trott's lonely and sad. Between his comment and Ross' comment about someone hurting him, Smith's assuming there was a bad break up

**Three** : Smith's not had much in the way of serious relationships

**Leon** : Ross probably hasn’t either.

**Three** : Smith devotes his time to doing a lot of sit ups at home

**Leon** : Thinking about what the hell is up with these weird country people

**Three** : or how anyone has time or lives with all their weird isolated space

**Three** : everything closes so early

**Three** : Smith has to adjust his night owl ways

**Leon** : Ross especially is in bed very early

**Leon** : His clock is the daylight clock for the most part

**Three** : Smith probably complains sadly to Trott about how there's nothing open past ten

**Leon** : "All sensible people are asleep after ten Smith"

**Leon** : Trott concedes that "it takes getting used to after having things just be open"

**Three** : "Trott I used not get up until 2pm. We'd be out until 5 or 6."

**Leon** : "I know Smith. I was once a college student. I’ve done that."

**Leon** : "Pretend you’re doing the opposite.

**Three** : "Are you sure? You seem like you sprang right out of the ground here."

**Leon** : Get up at 2am, and then stay up until 5pm"

**Leon** : "Ross did. They planted him one town over, and then he got transplanted here and will probably stay here forever"

**Three** : "But when does anyone go sit in a bar or a coffee shop or just..." Smith waves his hands. "Never mind. I'm just lived a protracted adolescence. I get it."

**Leon** : (Ross is the rock, Trott is the water, smith is the fire.)

**Leon** : (Or the leaf. Now we can discuss symbolism and metaphors like we intended them in the first place)

**Three** : (HAH)

**Leon** : "Do you want to go sit in a coffee shop? I can’t really recommend the bars in town. But if you want to have coffee we can do that Smith"

**Three** : "I do, really."

**Three** : Smith misses sitting and drinking endless coffee. He misses smoking even if he tries not to admit that.

**Leon** : Trott catches him reaching for a nonexistent pack of cigarettes more than once

**Leon** : "Well lets have coffee on Wednesdays. After market"

**Three** : Smith is glad

**Three** : his entire week sort of revolves around the day he sees Trott

**Leon** : Trott plans Smith time into his weeks

**Leon** : Spends a lot of time wondering if he should give in to the urge to ask Smith along fpr random things. Or over for dinner

**Leon** : Its always as he's coming home from work

**Leon** : The thought he could ask Smith over

**Three** : I think Smith works something like 6am to 2 or 3pm

**Three** : sometimes a half day on Saturday

**Leon** : Hates the mornings

**Three** : He sort of unconsciously does this kind of thing to punish himself. Taking a job that makes him work mornings.

**Leon** : Still can't sleep at night

**Leon** : So he wakes up has coffee and goes to worm.

**Leon** : Probably neglects to have lunch

**Leon** : Coffee on Wednesday helps.

**Leon** : He goes there after work sometimes. On his own, with a book borrowed from Trott

**Three** : Reads a lot of fantasy and William Gibson, pure escapism

**Leon** : Trott discovers Smith is going out for coffee, asks if he wants company

**Three** : "Sure."

**Three** : Smith worries about being a charity case, or taking Trott's time away from more fun things.

**Three** : He just wants to be normal so much. Doesn't know how to get there.

**Leon** : "I'll promise not to bother you. Need to knit some hats for the charity drive, so if you want quiet that's okay" Trott doesn’t want to overwhelm  Smith

**Three** : "You knit?"

**Leon** : "Sometimes. Nothing fancy."

**Three** : "I just read. Or sit there. The music isn't great but it is not unbearable."

**Three** : Smith sometimes just hides behind a book so no one tries to talk to him.

**Three** : He feels a little mistrustful of these earnest small town faces.

**Leon** : The baristas try to chat. He sometimes manages a few words

**Three** : Asks him about a t-shirt with a band name on it

**Leon** : Smith freezes and mumbles something about them.

**Leon** : He barely makes eye contact with anyone

**Leon** : The barista recognizes him and he doesn’t recognize them

**Three** : He's very used to the middle distance, city anonymity where people didn't pry into your bubble.

**Three** : The first time the barista just hands him a drink without him saying the order, Smith just stares

**Leon** : "Sorry did you want something different today?"

**Three** : "No, that's alright. Just this."

**Three** : Smith almost asks how the guy knew, shuts his mouth and pays while staring at the counter.

**Leon** : The guy looks at him. They probably talk about that tall ginger who is always in black.  Wondering what he's like, and mildly worried about him.

**Leon** : People probably gossip a bit when Trott starts having coffee more regularly with him

**Three** : The barista working the counter throws a straw at the other one to get their attention when Trott sits down at Smith's table.

**Three** : They watch without looking like they are watching, while they clean glasses.

**Leon** : Trott starts getting asked if he's seeing anyone

**Leon** : It’s not until he is getting a drink and the barista says "he's in the bathroom" that Trott realizes what this looks like

**Leon** : Or he knew, but figured people wouldn't assume they were dating if they weren't affectionate.

**Leon** : Hopes no one is bothering smith about it

**Three** : After all, they're mostly quiet sitting there.

**Three** : Trott knits. Smith reads or just stares out the window at the street.

**Three** : Smith will ask how work is, look at the progress of his charity knitting.

**Leon** : Trott will talk with him about things. Ask Smith what his days have been like

**Leon** : Smith starts trying to do something, or notice something, so he'll have things to say for Trott

**Leon** : Rather than "nothing"

**Leon** : Trott always says "that's okay, we can talk about something else, or be quiet"

**Three** : "Sorry." Smith looks glum.

**Leon** : "It's okay Smith." Trott says very seriously. "If you don’t want me to ask I won't. I don’t mind. I don't want you to feel bad Smith, clearly you're depressed and sometimes that's all you can deal with. I don’t fault you for that "

**Three** : "I know how this looks." Smith leans back in his chair. "I wasn't always. I don't know. It should be easy to just do things."

**Leon** : "Don’t should on yourself. That's guilt making."

**Three** : "I used to think I would just feel better if the phone would stop beeping and people would stop trying to talk to me."

**Leon** : "But you don't think so anymore?"

**Three** : "I don't feel any better, no. Sometimes I think I made a huge mistake, leaving Chicago."

**Three** : Smith shrugs.

**Three** : "But people have stopped calling. And I can't bring myself to call them."

**Leon** : "You can go back. If you want to. If you think coming here was a mistake there’s no rule saying you have to live with it."

**Leon** : "Anyone worth your time would be compassionate about why you haven't called"

**Three** : Smith shreds his napkin into strips.

**Leon** : Trott steadily working on a little hat. They're for kids.

**Leon** : "And don’t say you should or shouldn’t."

**Leon** : "You could. Will you? If you decide you are, just set yourself a deadline"

**Three** : "I can't imagine it without him there."

**Three** : "Everything is just too much of what life was before."

**Three** : "I didn't want it to hurt, all the time, looking for him to be there. At least here, I don't feel like I am going to turn around and see him."

**Leon** : Trott pauses. Putting aside the knitting and moving his hand so it’s just barely touching Smith's. "This doesn’t have to be it Smith. Here or there aren’t the only two options."

**Leon** : "Whatever you think you want or need, I'll do my best to help you. I’m sure Ross would too. And if that's a mistake, that's fine. You can’t stand still and do nothing. You can never do nothing. Even inactivity has consequences, and is a choice"

**Three** : Smith is still and quiet for a bit.

**Three** : "I can't go back to before. I can't live in Chicago. So here I am. Honestly Trott. I'm such a mess I'm not sure it matters where I am so long as it isn't there."

**Three** : "All the grief counseling stuff says it is just supposed to take time. But no one can say how much time."

**Leon** : "Because there isn’t a time limit for these things. And I'd hope there is less focus on the when, and more focus on the  how. You might know where you want to be, but you won’t get there unless you chart a path"

**Three** : "I've never had any plan," Smith admits. "Tom had a real job. I just fucked around."

**Leon** : "Do you want a real job? And what is a real job, to you?"

**Leon** : Trott can hear Ross saying "Trott you’re doing that thing again"

**Three** : "I mean, like a career. Something you wanted to do. Like what you do. And no, I've never had any job I really wanted or cared enough about."

**Leon** : "Do you think that’s something that you actually want, or just feel you should have"

**Three** : "I didn't think I needed to... we always made the rent. It was fine. I worked somewhere until I didn't like it any more or needed different hours."

**Leon** : "You can do what you think you should Smith, but if it’s not what you want, or are comfortable with, eventually you'll break yourself."

**Leon** : "I’m not saying you only have to do things you want. But if it’s a job or a relationship or a place you live, try not to do it only because you think you should"

**Three** : "I know." Smith sighs, goes back to shredding his napkin.

**Three** : "I don't know what I want to do."

**Leon** : "And that's okay to Smith. Why do you feel like it’s a bad thing to not know?"

**Leon** : Trott’s going to try to get Smith to say some of this himself.

**Three** : "Because it would be easier to know? Maybe then I could figure out how to just. Be. Be whatever it is I'm going to be now. It feels like everything good in my life died along with him, and I'm just trying to cobble together something to keep myself afloat."

**Three** : "Because Tom always had it figured out, so I didn't worry that I had to. And now he's gone."

**Leon** : "You don’t have to know right away. Or ever. And you don’t have to do it alone even if he's gone"

**Leon** : Trott thinks on what smith said. Turning over the words

**Leon** : "Are you staying afloat?"

**Three** : "I pay my rent." Smith shrugs.

**Leon** : "That's not what I'm asking you Smith."

**Three** : "I liked sleeping on the couch better. I could pretend I was just waiting for him to come home from work so we could go out."

**Three** : "I live a life I barely even recognize as my own, Trott. I don't know what to tell you. It's hard."

**Leon** : "Is it getting better, worse, or staying the same?"

**Three** : "Same old, same old. Probably should have stayed in Chicago. No one in the goth scene would have ever noticed."

**Leon** : "Smith, it’s been how many months?"

**Three** : Smith thinks.

**Three** : "About seven."

**Leon** : "I should have probably been better about asking how you were. I-" Trott feels very bad, and almost panicked because even though he and Ross have been trying to help, Smith is still miserable, and some of their help might have even hurt. "You know when I said I could give you numbers of people to talk to? If I give you some, will you call? Or I can call for you, be on speaker so you'll hear. But you really need to see a professional Smith." Smith using online resources. Or met with someone a few times.

**Three** : "Trott." Smith tries to pat his hand reassuringly. "It's not your fault I'm a mess of a human being."

**Leon** : "But I can’t do nothing Smith"

**Leon** : 

"Either I try to help you, or I don't. And if I fail by trying I'll try again. And if I fail entirely. At least I tried."

**Leon** : "And I want you to be happy Smith. You deserve that. I can't think of  any people who deserve it more"

**Three** : "You don't have to do anything Trott."

**Leon** : "If you want me to back off and stay away I will Smith."

**Three** : "How can you even say that?" Smith says bitterly. "You know what I did, and you have only known me half a year. What about someone like Ross? Or even yourself? You do all this good work for other people, I would think you would deserve it far more than some miserable asshole like myself."

**Leon** : "I'm happy enough Smith." Trott snaps a bit, surprising himself. "When was the last time you were happy?"

**Three** : "Are you happy?" Smith asks, curiously.

**Leon** : "And maybe especially because of what happened, I think you especially deserve to be happy"

**Leon** : "I'm fine Smith."

**Three** : "Bullshit," Smith says quietly.

**Leon** : "That's not your concern. I have happiness, and I'm not so depressed my friends worry if they don't hear from me for several days."

**Leon** : Trott knows that was unkind

**Leon** : But he says it before he can stop himself

**Three** : "Do you know why I don't kill myself, Trott?" Smith stares at him, very level and still.

**Leon** : "No Smith, because I still worry."

**Leon** : Trott isn't backing down. He’s faced cops and he’s pretty sure Smith doesn’t have a gun.

**Leon** : "So tell me. Even if I'll still worry."

**Three** : "Because I absolutely do not deserve to skip out on this misery. I will take every moment of it." He stares at Trott for another minute. "And I don't know what I'll say to Tom, if I see him again. So that's not something you have to worry about."

**Three** : "Because Trott."

**Three** : "I know he'd forgive me. But I can't. So here I am."

**Leon** : "Smith." Trott can't stay angry with him. Even if he wanted to. He knows he's terrified and just feels helpless. And that's why he lashed out at Smith. "Sunshine, I'm sorry."

**Leon** : "Please though. I know I can't fix any of this, or help. Please, try to find someone to talk to and I'll do anything I can to make that happen. Because you don’t deserve to feel like that"

**Three** : "It's okay Trott."

**Three** : "I think you probably would have liked Tom. The two of you would have gotten along."

**Leon** : "Don't tell me it’s okay Smith when its clearly really really not."

**Leon** : Trott puts away his abandoned knitting. Tired and furious with himself on so many levels.

**Leon** : "I think I'd have liked him too. I wish I could have met him"

**Leon** : He says, quietly.

**Three** : "I just mean. It's okay that. Never mind. I just don't want you to think. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to slog on through."

**Leon** : "But being miserable Smith? Letting yourself hurt like this?" Trott takes his hand. Everyone already thinks they’re fucking "That's not okay. At all. It's not your fault. But it really doesn’t have to be that way"

**Leon** : "And if someone told you you have to just keep suffering until it stops, that it's supposed to be like this? I will find them and break my nonviolence policy."

**Three** : Smith raises his eyebrows.

**Three** : "I don't think you should get arrested again Trott."

**Leon** : "I won’t."

**Leon** : "Besides. I've only ever been arrested for good causes"

**Leon** : "Except that one time."

**Three** : "What one time?"

**Leon** : "Well I got arrested."

**Leon** : Trott is evading that. And he regrets letting that slip. He'll mentally beat himself up for it later.

**Leon** : If we think Trott had a bad relationship, and I'll let you figure out the situations of that

**Three** : hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

**Leon** : I think his ex called the cops on him either because Trott kicked the shit out of them, or because they wanted to discredit him during the relationship.

**Three** : I was about to say it was a domestic violence thing, and his ex was the one who ended up with the visible injury

**Leon** : Yeah.

**Leon** : Trott has dealt with this, and he finally gives something back

**Leon** : Was what I was thinking

**Leon** : And so maybe even if he doesn’t get charged with anything. They still got him arrested. And everyone believed the ex.

**Leon** : Nonviolence becomes a huge thing for Trott.

**Three** : Poor Trott

**Leon** : Ross hears about how Trott said he'd punch someone for Smith

**Three** : Gossipy barista who comes to buy ice cream

**Leon** : And Ross just stares

**Leon** : "Are you sure?"

**Three** : Barista nods emphatically.

**Leon** : "Shit"

**Leon** : Ross knows barely anything.

**Leon** : Only that Trott had a terrible ex, and that is part of why he believes in nonviolence

**Leon** : So knowing he said that is startling and huge.

**Three** : "I know. I was just working up to asking that guy out, before Trott started coming in to sit with him."

**Leon** : "What? Oh. Uh. Yeah." Ross smiles automatically.

**Leon** : After she leaves Ross asks if he can leave early, something came up. And of course the owner says yes so he practically runs over to Trott’s, Shiloh in tow, and bangs on his door until Trott opens up and he demands "What the fuck happened to Smith that you'd give up your nonviolence?"

**Three** : Trott just staring at him, dumbfounded.

**Three** : "What?"

**Three** : Ushering Ross in, going to get a bowl for some water for Shiloh who is excited.

**Leon** : "One of the baristas was getting ice cream and she said you without a doubt threatened to punch someone or something for Smith"

**Leon** : "What the fuck happened."

**Three** : Trott groans and leans his head on the fridge.

**Leon** : "Trott?!"

**Leon** : Ross is more anxious about this than pretty much anything

**Leon** : He figures it must be bad.

**Three** : "First off, I didn't threaten to punch anyone."

**Three** : "I just said that I'd consider breaking my vows of nonviolence if... oh sit down Ross, please. Do you want tea?"

**Leon** : Ross nods. Sitting down but still practically vibrating with nervous and angry energy

**Three** : Trott making tea, something with fruit because Ross likes it sweet.

**Three** : "I was trying to persuade Smith to see a counselor, because he's so depressed and it doesn't seem to be getting better. He's got this idea he deserves to suffer. I was worried someone had told him this."

**Leon** : "Did someone? I'll punch them, even if you won't"

**Leon** : Ross would get in fights with kids who were jerks at school. And Ross does a lot of heavy lifting.

**Three** : "No, that's the worst part. I think it's all internal."

**Leon** : "Well I can't punch that" Ross says, sighing. He's not sure if he's relieved or not

**Leon** : "Did he agree? To the counselor?"

**Three** : "He promised he would think about it. I gave him some numbers."

**Leon** : "Think about it." Ross says, dryly. He's not mad at Smith. But he feels like he'd bet that if Smith calls one of those numbers,  he’d lick his own farm boots.

**Leon** : "And if he doesn’t call?"

**Leon** : Ross thinks he'll talk Smith into letting Trott help. Ross is bad on the phone. And he's worried Trott wont press hard enough.

**Three** : "I don't know, Ross. I truly don't." Trott sets down a mug in front of Ross.

**Leon** : "Trott why do you think this is your fault." Ross knows the hopeless look. Trott feeling like he's failed

**Leon** : Ross figures Trott deserves to get back some of what he gives sometimes.

**Leon** : In all ways

**Three** : "I don't know if I should have pushed harder when I found out, or if I have pushed too hard."

**Leon** : "Maybe ask him. I can ask him. If he thinks he can actually do it. Or if he needs a push"

**Three** : "He's just so hung up on the idea he needs to suffer. It's awful to watch."

**Leon** : "You care too much." Ross says quietly while Trott stares into his tea. "Even if you think you don't care enough"

**Leon** : Trott probably spent a long time feeling like he deserved it.

**Leon** : So it’s especially hard for him to see this in people he cares about

**Three** : "I'm trying to distance myself but it is hard."

**Leon** : Because sometimes he still can’t convince himself he didn’t. So he clings.

**Three** : "I keep telling myself not to try to fix him."

**Three** : Trott waves a hand.

**Three** : "But he doesn't seem to have any motivation, and I hate to see him floundering."

**Leon** : "So tell him you're going to call people. If you keep making it up to him, he’s not going to ask for help. We both know that"

**Three** : "I worry that I'll hurt him, trying to do things for him."

**Leon** : Ross thinks on that. "I don’t know Trott. But he's still going to hurt if we don’t do things."

**Leon** : "I can tell him to take your offer of help."

**Three** : "As long as it doesn't seem like we're ganging up on him. But he likes you, and he's let you take him to get the bed at least."

**Leon** : "I'll tell him we are both worried. And you told me you were afraid he wasn’t going to ask for help"

**Leon** : "No secrets. Just truth. And hopefully we can get him some help"

**Three** : Trott reaches across the table and holds Ross' hand.

**Three** : "Thank you."

**Leon** : Ross covers Trott's hand with his own. He always feels bad, that his hands are perpetually dirty looking no matter how much he washes. And winter makes the skin across his knuckles crack. Trott has nice hands Ross thinks. They suit him. All thin fingers and cleverness.

**Three** : Trott likes how solid Ross' hand is, how capable he feels, and the quiet conviction in the way Ross speaks.

**Leon** : If Trott had less willpower he'd have a breakdown in front of Ross right about now.

**Leon** : Ross holds onto Trott’s hand. Rubbing in between his knuckles with a thumb. Gets Trott’s other hand and holds it too.

**Three** : I think he's known Trott long enough to be able to tell things are a mess, and that Trott's overwhelmed.

**Three** : "It's going to work out."

**Leon** : Trott nods. Trying to believe it. He feels worse than he’s felt in years. Maybe he’d just convinced himself everything was fine.

**Leon** : "It's funny. Because everyone seems to think Smith and I are dating"

**Leon** : "And sometimes I wonder if he needs that. Or someone around someone stable to just be there. But relationships don't fix things"

**Three** : Ross wonders too if Trott needs someone around. If that would crack the lonely shell underneath his outward persona.

**Three** : "The barista seemed pretty sad you got there before she could."

**Leon** : Trott shakes his head. "Well if Smith wants to date her, I'm clearly not dating him. You know me Ross. I just don't do relationships, and it's better that way"

**Three** : Ross raises his eyebrows. Squeezes Trott's hands.

**Three** : "I'm not going to tell you what to do, Trott."

**Leon** : "Then don’t." Trott looks at him very sadly and seriously.

**Leon** : Pulls his hands away and picks up his half empty mug, pouring the rest down the drain

**Three** : Ross sighs, watches Trott.

**Leon** : "Maybe if Smith swings your way you should make that barista doubly sad. You know she's lactose intolerant? She's only buying the ice cream so she'll talk to you." Trott says over the sink

**Leon** : Running water and washing his mug out

**Three** : "Is she?" Ross frowns.

**Leon** : "Yes Ross. She always mentions it when I ask for soymilk. 'Are you lactose intolerant too?'"

**Three** : "Why would you do that to yourself?" Ross grumbles.

**Leon** : "Sometimes it tastes good."

**Three** : "Trott! How could you."

**Leon** : Trott gets it in like one drink. He just thinks it tastes better

**Leon** : "I know. I’m a traitor to the plight of the small town dairy farmer. It’s like one cup every few weeks Ross, I still use real milk for everything else."

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Three** : Think of goth Smith, and crystal hippie Trott and farmer Ross

**Three** : having a nice drink

**Three** : in nice cool winter weather

**Leon** : spiked hot chocolate

**Three** : yes

**Three** : surely there's a winter carnival

**Leon** : of course

**Three** : something

**Leon** : Smith in his new jacket

**Three** : Ross looking at Smith.

**Three** : "Should get Trott to knit you a scarf. Maybe something in a color."

**Leon** : "No, this is fine" Smith has his face buried in the collar of the coat. Hood pulled up

**Leon** : Ross pokes his red cheeks. "You look cold"

**Three** : "There's snow everywhere Ross, of course I'm cold."

**Leon** : "Not if you let Trott knit you a scarf. Is your jacket warm enough?"

**Three** : "Yeah." Smith looks abashed. "Trott gave it to me."

**Leon** : "I know." Ross bumps his shoulder against Smith. Ross also fishes the mittens he's not using out of his pockets "Here. You're gloves are useless with no fingers. Put these on"

**Leon** : Ross is one of those people who just doesn't wear gloves or mittens unless it’s very very cold, or he's working outside

**Three** : "But they... never mind." Smith takes the mittens.

**Leon** : Ross has bright orange mittens

**Three** : "Why are they orange?"

**Three** : Smith looks pained

**Leon** : "So I don't lose them. and so no one thinks I'm a deer"

**Leon** : "I'll get you some black ones. Or grey"

**Three** : "You have to stop getting me things Ross. I have too many things!"

**Leon** : "Smith, do I have too many things?"

**Three** : Smith shrugs uncomfortably. "I don't know. Maybe."

**Leon** : "What about Trott. He's got even more than me"

**Three** : "Trott definitely has too many things."

**Leon** : "Okay, maybe too many plants"

**Leon** : Ross smiles at Smith

**Three** : "And rocks!"

**Leon** : "And rocks. He keeps so many so he can give them away"

**Three** : "They're everywhere. He probably has them under his pillow even."

**Leon** : "He never did tell me where he keeps the dick"

**Leon** : Ross sighs

**Three** : Smith opens his mouth to say something, shuts it fast.

**Leon** : "Smith, you're changing the subject. Right now, you're shivering and your hands are freezing. Not only is it a comfort thing its dangerous."

**Leon** : "Do you even have a flashlight in your car? Jumper cables? A blanket?"

**Leon** : "I don't want to find a Smithsicle"

**Three** : "I have jumper cables."

**Leon** : "Well there's one thing."

**Leon** : Smith keeps the heat so very low in his place

**Leon** : Another thing he's paranoid about

**Three** : Ross has taken to dropping by Smith's almost as much as does to Trott.

**Three** : He notices that it is chilly, thinking at first the heating is just not working and that Smith's landlord must be an idiot.

**Leon** : Notices the heat is set super low

**Leon** : might even be off

**Three** : "It gets any colder in here I'll be able to see my breath and your pipes will burst."

**Leon** : "I'm fine. Its...comfortable"

**Leon** : Smith wearing socks and a sweatshirt

**Three** : "You can't just leave the heat off, Smith. If your pipes freeze you're in for a world of trouble."

**Leon** : "The places near me keep it warm enough"

**Three** : "Your landlord will be pissed. It's probably in your lease."

**Leon** : Smith frowns and doesn't look at Ross

**Three** : "Kitchen's on an outside wall, too."

**Leon** : "Please Ross"

**Leon** : "Just. Don't"

**Three** : "Smith," Ross sighs.

**Leon** : "What do you want me to do? Not sleep? I already barely get anything between the nightmares and everything else"

**Three** : Ross is slightly taken aback by the outburst.

**Three** : "Have you called any of those numbers Trott gave you?"

**Leon** : Smith goes quiet "I haven't gotten around to it" he eventually manages

**Leon** : there’s no way he can make it seem like he has without lying

**Three** : "I think talking to someone and getting some help might be better for you in the long run than trying to freeze yourself. If you want, I'll help you."

**Leon** : Smith just shakes his head and goes over to the thermostat. Stands in front of it and sets it low. 55. It takes him a minute to do it

**Leon** : "Happy?"

**Three** : "Not really, no."

**Leon** : "Well then I don't know Ross"

**Three** : "Trott handles you like an egg, because he cares too much and is scared. But I don't think it does you a lot of good, Smith." Ross can be very blunt when he needs to be.

**Leon** : "I never asked him to help! Or to treat me like I’m some fragile broken thing that he can take in and make all better again! So what, you call someone, he calls someone for me. If I can't fucking do it myself what good is it going to do me Ross? Needing my fucking hand held like a toddler who's scared of the fucking heating system?"

**Three** : "No one is going to fix you but yourself. And yeah, you do need your hand held through some of this because you don't seem to be able to do it on your own." Ross shrugs. "It's not good or bad, it just is the state of things."

**Leon** : "Well it feels bad. And I hate it, and frankly, I hate myself for it."

**Three** : Ross nods. "I can understand that."

**Leon** : "So what’s going to happen. You two make me call someone."

**Leon** : Smith shrugs. Ross' calmness in the face of his outbursts drains him of any anger, almost instantly

**Three** : "See if maybe doing the talking thing helps. If it does or doesn't, at least it gets everyone off your back about trying it."

**Leon** : "I just can't Ross. I try to pick up the phone and I just. What the hell do I even say?"

**Three** : "Well, I guess you start by asking if they're taking appointments and if you can make one."

**Leon** : "Ross that's more than I've spoken to anyone besides you or Trott in months"

**Three** : Ross looks at him, at Smith's hunched shoulders.

**Leon** : Smith puts his face in his hands

**Leon** : He feels like Ross is angry with him, for being so pathetic about this

**Three** : "I know. That's why I offered to help you make an appointment. I can't fix what's wrong, Smith. I can help you get somewhere that you might need to try."

**Three** : Ross puts his hand on Smith's shoulder, standing there in front of him.

**Leon** : "Maybe. Just let me think about it." Smith leans forward a bit, wanting to just lean into Ross because he feels terrible and sad. Maybe If Ross hugs him it will convince him that Ross doesn't mind having to deal with him.

**Leon** : "Does Trott know. You're here, and I need help"

**Three** : "Okay." Ross thinks he's still going to have to keep after Smith about this, but he's trying to think positive like Trott always encourages.

**Three** : "Trott knows. Trott's the most nosy person I've met, and I grew up in a small town, Smith. That's saying something." Ross squeezes Smith's shoulder, wanting to do something reassuring.

**Three** : "So really for your own peace of mind, it's better to just do the thing and get it over with so Trott will stop bugging you and looking at you with those mournful expressions."

**Leon** : "Why is he like that Ross"

**Three** : "Well, I suspect it is because plants are poor conversationalists."

**Leon** : Smith snorts.

**Leon** : "I don't want him to worry. Or you."

**Leon** : "I'm fine. Really. It’s just hard."

**Leon** : "I just don't know why he decided to worry so much about me"

**Three** : "I don't think you really are fine, Smith, because fine is not freezing yourself half to death or any of the other things you do." Ross reaches carefully, like he would with a skittish animal, and puts a hand on Smith's head.

**Three** : "But. I know none of this is easy or simple, and feelings don't just change overnight."

**Leon** : Smith flinches at the hand, only because it makes him feel guilty. But he's grateful for it.

**Leon** : "What if you both waste all this time on me and nothing changes Ross"

**Three** : Ross pets him very gently, wondering if maybe it might help to think of Smith as something wild and lost.

**Three** : "Well. Trott's one for philosophical answers."

**Leon** : Smith's like some of the barn cats. If they get used to you and you don't come up and surprise them on their blind side, they will come and ask to be pet

**Three** : "I don't think very much about the future, Smith. Too many unknowns. I try to just stay in the day."

**Three** : "So I don't know what to tell you. A lot of things could happen."

**Leon** : Smith nods. Leans onto Ross. He feels tired from just dealing with this. Not even sure if this was why Ross stopped by in the first place

**Three** : Ross lets him be quiet for a bit, keeps stroking Smith's hair.

**Leon** : "I'm sorry Ross. I shouldn't have yelled at you"

**Three** : "It's alright Smith, apology accepted."

**Leon** : "Thank you. For kicking me in the ass when I'm not doing things"

**Three** : "It's less exhausting than trying to get a pissed off dairy cow into line. At least you didn't try to step on me."

**Leon** : "Should I moo? Would that make this more familiar?"

**Leon** : Smith hopes if he keeps talking Ross won't decide he's done with Smith hugging him

**Three** : "Just as long as you don't headbutt me."

**Leon** : "Moo" Smith tries, pathetically

**Three** : "That didn't sound like a cow."

**Leon** : shoves his head against Ross' stomach

**Three** : Ross laughs.

**Three** : "You're not a very good cow."

**Three** : "Need some practice."

**Three** : "Though I guess being a cow would fit in with your taste in color."

**Leon** : "Aren't the all black ones the ones that make burgers?"

**Leon** : Smith sounds suspicious, but a bit better. with the light joking

**Three** : "Black cows get made into burgers and boots and leather pants."

**Leon** : "Shit, don't make me into burgers Ross."

**Three** : "I'd never hear the end of it from Trott if I did."

**Leon** : "Trott eats your meat though doesn’t he?" Smith says, unthinking

**Three** : Ross lets out a laugh.

**Leon** : "I...fuck it you know what I meant"

**Three** : "I'm sure I do," Ross teases, ruffling Smith's hair.

**Leon** : "I don't know if I want to know about that"

**Leon** : Smith jokes back

**Three** : "You did ask, so I think you do."

**Three** : Ross is so reserved to the world in general, but he has this bright delightful humor for his closest friends.

**Leon** : "You two are fucking? I thought Trott was like a monk or something. some weird vows of celibacy and being nice to people."

**Three** : "We are not fucking," Ross says, the slightest tinge of regret to it.

**Leon** : "But you want to be"

**Leon** : "You just sounded sad about that."

**Leon** : Smith isn't joking anymore, looking up at Ross and frowning

**Three** : "Well. Dating in a small town is hard. Not many people to meet."

**Three** : Ross with a rueful smile.

**Leon** : "what's that got to do with fucking Trott"

**Three** : "Just that when I met Trott, I thought. Well. Trott has his reasons for not wanting to be with anyone."

**Three** : Ross shrugs.

**Three** : "Slim pickings otherwise, here."

**Leon** : "I wasn't sure if you were queer. When we first met. I guess I just sort of figured Trott must be. Shitty as that might be"

**Three** : "Well," Ross says with some amusement. "Trott's the one who decides to dress the way he does. But I am, yeah."

**Leon** : "Okay. thank you for...telling me? I guess it was sort of established. but. thank you"

**Three** : "You know the gossip round town is that you and Trott are dating. That little blond barista girl."

**Leon** : "What?"

**Three** : "Yeah."

**Leon** : "Why would they think that?"

**Three** : "Because everyone is politely quiet about how queer Trott is, and the two of you meet every week at the coffee shop and sit there, and your barista assumes it is a date."

**Three** : "It's a small town Smith, and not everyone has Netflix."

**Leon** : "Oh. I guess, maybe I should tell Trott to stop  us having coffee. I don't want him to have to deal with that. Have people been bugging him?"

**Three** : "No," Ross shakes his head. "And I wouldn't stop the coffee. It won't stop the gossip. People will always chatter."

**Three** : "You might as well do something you enjoy."

**Leon** : Smith is about to protest that he only does it to keep Trott appeased, but he also just felt terrible at the thought that he's have to stop

**Three** : "Besides," Ross says. "It would be much more fun to make them wonder. You and I should go have coffee."

**Leon** : "You could come too. If Trott doesn't mind"

**Three** : "I might come by after the Wednesday deliveries."

**Leon** : "I'd like that. You can make fun of Trott's order"

**Three** : "Fucking soymilk, why?"

**Leon** : "He says it tastes good. I think its vanilla flavored?"

**Three** : "He knows how I feel about that."

**Leon** : Smith's thinking about Trott now. Wondering if he should tell him that Ross is helping him call someone

**Leon** : "Ross, you never said why you came to visit"

**Three** : "Well in part to tell you that latest local gossip."

**Three** : "And I brought you a flashlight. For your car."

**Leon** : "Rooooosss"

**Three** : "Road safety is very important Smith. This isn't like the big city."

**Leon** : Smith rolls his eyes

**Three** : Ross shifts on his feet. He feels good about his choices. Smith seems a little less defensive. Maybe all they really need to do is pet him until he agrees to things.

**Leon** : Smith doesn’t like them over a lot. and he won't let them stay the night. but he also doesn't want to impose on them, and the fire at Ross' still freaks him out

**Leon** : picturing this after Christmas. February or something.

**Three** : Ross sits down, and puts an arm around Smith. "Is this okay? I just got tired of standing."

**Three** : He kind of hopes the contact makes Smith feel at ease. And at least it might help him warm up.

**Leon** : "Yeah. It’s nice. I'd sort of forgot, or not realized, how much-" Smith won't bring himself to say Tom, and he cringes. "-how much I'd gotten used to that. Living with someone you're close to"

**Leon** : He and Tom would sit on the sofa, legs up and vying for space

**Three** : Ross nods and goes back to gently stroking Smith's head.

**Three** : "It's nice."

**Leon** : Smith leans more onto him. "Just tell me when you're tired of this"

**Leon** : He's too grateful for this to make himself stop

**Leon** : It reminds him of crying on Trott. But Ross feels different. It’s still comforting

**Three** : Ross settles in, Smith's head on his chest. "I'll let you know."

**Leon** : Smith wants to nap like this. He feels more relaxed with someone there

**Leon** : and Ross is warm. And the apartment is still chilly

**Three** : Ross can tell Smith's dozing, and it feels like trust, and he is pleased.

falling asleep on him for a bit)

**Three** : (Ross just absent mindedly petting him, much like how he pets Shiloh)

**Leon** : Ross nods off a bit too

**Leon** : Because much like Shiloh Smith is a warm comfortable weight

**Leon** : and the couch is surprisingly comfortable


	9. Chapter 9

**Three** : I was thinking about health goth Smith. Who takes up solitary jogging because that is one more punishing thing. But also, that he has moved the bed closer to the window in his room, and keeps the rocks there on the window sill.

**Three** : they were on the window sill in the living room when he was sleeping on the couch

**Leon** : Please consider Smith jogging down by the river, on trails there.

**Leon** : And Smith finding a pretty rock in the water because he is the guy who takes off his shirt and shoes away from the people and dunks himself in the water

**Leon** : And he gives this to Trott

**Leon** : Alright what state are they in. Should we pin this down a bit more geographically?

**Three** : well if he heads north out of Chicago he'd be in Minnesota

**Three** : or south, some weird chunk of Indiana

**Three** : or we can say east towards Michigan

**Three** : Wisconsin maybe

**Three** : there's small towns

**Three** : national forest land

**Three** : dairy

**Three** : I think Wisconsin

**Leon** : That sounds good to me

**Three** : I'm looking for a river now

**Three** : lots of lakes

**Three** : Norway

**Leon** : I think smith picks up a pretty piece of red jasper.

**Three** : there's not really a river but we can edit that in

**Three** : close enough

**Leon** : Make a fake town in Wisconsin

**Three** : yeah

**Three** : So Smith sitting there, taking a break from the horrible business of jogging

**Three** : finds a nice rock and saves it to give to Trott

**Leon** : yes indeed

**Three** : Smith is probably a novel sight

**Three** : his black hoodie, sunglasses on, jogging with his headphones in

**Three** : not observing the small town niceties

**Leon** : I think this is why he likes going to the trails, less people

**Leon** : he maybe passes someone

**Three** : Smith's depression is probably not helped by him quitting smoking, I was thinking

**Three** : poor boy

**Leon** : I was wondering, if at some point he gives in and smokes again for a while

**Three** : that's a significant possibility

**Three** : he might over Christmas

**Leon** : Smith struggles a lot from November onwards

**Leon** : the winter eats him up in some ways, how cold it is, the fear over the heating. Ross and the wood stove

**Leon** : I was thinking about Smith having these nightmares, of burning buildings, rooms filling up with smoke and being unable to reach tom

**Leon** : so when he's off for the holiday, thanksgiving, right around when Tom's mother calls him the first time, he just gives in on the not smoking

**Three** : sitting out on the fire escape, smoking in the cold

**Leon** : Tries to keep this from Trott and Ross

**Leon** : Smith is at Trott’s, because he'd been avoiding him for a week. week and a half.

**Leon** : and he stopped by because that was somehow easier than calling, he just had to not go all the way back to his place

**Three** : just going to work, going home.

**Leon** : and unthinkingly at some point gets up and reaches for his jacket pocket on the back of the chair and freezes because Trott's watching him with an assessing expression

**Leon** : "Let me get my coat and I'll come down with you"

**Three** : Smith doesn't know if he should apologize or make excuses or anything. Sticks with being silent and embarrassed because Trott's seen right through him in an hour.

**Leon** : Trott is quiet, face tucked into his scarf as they stand out in the night. Its cloudy. Threatening more snow. under one of the streetlamps

**Three** : Smith using Tom's nice Zippo.

**Three** : Stands there, cigarette in hand.

**Leon** : Trott spends a lot of time looking up at the stars

**Leon** : but tonight there’s too many clouds

**Leon** : a few gaps, where he can catch a glimpse, but the sky is mostly just the faint color of reflected light from the town

**Leon** : I don't think Trott wants to break the quiet. He's gotten very used to being quiet in Smith's company, and he spends a lot of time in his own sort of quiet too

**Leon** : He knows this is a Thing, and if Smith wants to talk about it he'll wait Smith out until he finally says something

**Three** : "You're not one of those hippies that smokes pot, are you?" Smith finally asks.

**Leon** : "Never really liked it, no"

**Leon** : "Was too worried about academics. And I with getting arrested those few times. Didn't need something else against me"

**Leon** : "And I just wasn't a fan"

**Leon** : "But I do know who is dealing in town. If that's what you're asking" Trott smiles beneath his scarf, looking up at Smith from where he'd looking across the street

**Three** : "No, I mean. I just got the impression you were not keen on smoking anything."

**Leon** : "I was always more of a drinker, than a smoker"

**Leon** : "Why?"

**Three** : "Me too," Smith nods. "I just, don't want you to feel like you have to freeze out here with me. Especially if you disapprove."

**Leon** : "I don't like it Smith, but I'm not going to tell you it’s wrong, because really there's nothing moral about it aside from the potential risk to others. And I like standing here, with you. Even if I'm concerned about your health, and what you smoking again means for you mentally."

**Three** : Smith likes to keep Tom's Zippo in his pocket, because the heaviness of it pressed against his leg.

**Three** : He sighs, and takes another drag, trying to think of how to explain that he was in his car driving home from the lonely burger place on the highway and something about the smell of French fries in the cold made him so sad and full of ache. It reminded him of going out with Tom, late night fast food jaunts and the cold and suddenly all he could think about was how bad he wanted a cigarette.

**Leon** : Trott sighs, and looks away, because Smith looks so upset and sad. "Smith, right now, all I care about is whatever helps you feel more okay. And right now, if smoking helps, then smoke. We can worry about that another time."

**Leon** : Trott puts a hand on Smith's back. Gloves making sounds as he rubs Smith's shoulder through his coat.

**Three** : "Everything just feels hard," Smith says, watching the ash blow away. "Thought maybe I'd give myself a little break."

**Leon** : "I think that’s a good idea." Trott doesn’t want to condescend. but he's desperate to reassure Smith somehow that he's not going to be mad at him or disapprove of things like this

**Leon** : "You're so hard on yourself Smith. It's okay to not punish yourself. Do what you need to, and tell me if there’s anything I can do. I know I’ve said that too much but please. Just ask, if you need something"

**Three** : "I didn't want you to be mad at me about it," Smith admits sheepishly.

**Leon** : "I won't be mad at you unless you go out of your way to hurt yourself or someone else Smith."

**Leon** : "This isn't good. Obviously I’d like a time when you didn't smoke. But adding one more thing to yourself, one more hardship, doesn’t seem worth quitting it right now"

**Three** : Smith nods. Tries not to blow smoke in Trott's direction.

**Three** : Looks around for a trash can or something to throw away the butt, grinding it out on the curb.

**Leon** : "You can just throw it away inside. Come on, before you freeze to death"

**Three** : Smith tucking his hands under his arms, shivering a little.

**Three** : Following Trott back inside, something in his chest loosening because Trott hasn't yelled at him about this. He worried.

**Leon** : Trott just makes him tea, because he looks cold

**Leon** : Trott probably also bought hot chocolate

**Leon** : maybe Trott makes him hot cocoa

**Leon** : with milk, because that’s the only right way to make it, just ask Ross

**Three** : Ross would be horrified to find Smith with packets of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows and hot water out of the microwave

**Leon** : Trott maybe makes it with cocoa powder, half sugar, half maple syrup, a splash of vanilla

**Leon** : in a pot on the stove, standing in his kitchen in his slippers and old baggy sweater

**Leon** : with the sleeves rolled up

**Three** : "This is the fanciest hot chocolate I've had." Smith leaning against the counter, watching.

**Leon** : "It's just hot chocolate Smith. Do you want anything in it?" Trott points to the shelf where he keeps all his alcohol

**Three** : "Do you have some bourbon, or whiskey? And hot chocolate comes out of a foil packet usually."

**Leon** : "It's the same thing, only better Smith. I should have some bourbon, go check. Pick whatever sounds good"

**Three** : Smith finds a surprisingly nice bottle of bourbon on Trott's liquor shelf.

**Three** : "You're a strange hippie, Trott."

**Leon** : "You just have a limited idea of what hippies are like Smith. That's a good choice"

**Three** : "All the hippies I've ever met smoked an incredible amount of weed, and certainly didn't keep a reserve bottle of Knob Creek on the shelf."

**Leon** : Trott snorts

**Three** : "You do wear enough jewelry and colorful stuff to be a hippie though you don't smell like patchouli."

**Leon** : "There are better things to smell like."

**Leon** : "Anything else?"

**Three** : "You're the hot chocolate expert."

**Leon** : "I meant about what a terrible hippie I supposedly am"

**Three** : "Oh." Smith laughs. "Well. I guess since you're not stoned, you don't eat a lot of junk food."

**Leon** : Trott has marshmallows. So he puts some in Smith's mug and hands it over

**Leon** : "I eat popcorn a lot"

**Three** : "That's not really junk food though, is it?"

**Leon** : "I put a lot of butter and salt on it"

**Leon** : "You're destroying my identity here Smith, I've been the hippie guy for so long, what will I do if I find out I'm really just a fraud after all this time"

**Three** : Smith slurps at his hot chocolate.

**Three** : "Dunno. Maybe buy some khaki pants and a tie."

**Leon** : Trott looks at him, getting his bottle of schnapps he keeps for precisely this purpose and pouring some in his hot chocolate "Khakis." He mutters

**Three** : "Maybe some nice navy blue slacks and a button down shirt." Smith raises his eyebrows. "Some loafers."

**Leon** : "Been there done that"

**Three** : "Have you? I can't even imagine it."

**Leon** : "Good, its best left in the past"

**Leon** : Trott raises an eyebrow at him

**Three** : "Private school?" Smith guesses wildly, trying to imagine a teenage Trott in a school uniform. "I went to a public high school, but we still had a uniform."

**Leon** : (Hmm did Trott go to private school. better question, where did Trott grow up)

**Three** : (Massachusetts maybe)

**Three** : (and totally private school)

**Leon** : Trott looks over at Smith, he doesn’t really want to give much away

**Leon** : "Yes Smith. My parents sent me to a private school"

**Leon** : He know he sounds bitter

**Three** : "And now you're a rebel hippie." Smith nods.

**Leon** : and he hates that he feels that way

**Leon** : "Yes Smith. The private school boy pissed off mommy and daddy by becoming a hippie"

**Leon** : "A goddamn queer hippie liberal"

**Three** : Smith winces.

**Leon** : "Is that what you wanted to know?"

**Leon** : Trott is letting his temper get the best of him and he hates it

**Leon** : just when he thinks he's got this anger about these things buried deep and locked up tight, it slips out at a moment’s notice

**Three** : "Sorry. I just thought. I talk so much about myself and I feel like I haven't tried hard enough to get to know you better."

**Leon** : "There's nothing to know Smith."

**Three** : "For fuck's sake." Smith puts down the hot chocolate.

**Leon** : "Just me. The hippie who sticks his nose in other people’s business, that’s all that matters right now."

**Leon** : "I can't change anything else, so I'll let it stay where it belongs, in the past, and only in my memory"

**Leon** : "I've worked very long, and very hard to get to where I am today Smith and I don't need to bring up this bullshit. It will do neither of us any good"

**Three** : Smith bites the inside of his cheek. He feels stung, like Trott's thrown up some wall and demanded he stay nicely on his side of it. The sad, angry part of his brain says it is because he doesn't deserve to have close friends again.

**Three** : Some part of him knows he shouldn't take it so personally but he does, because everything is too close to the bone lately.

**Leon** : Trott takes a shaky breath, turns towards the counter and puts his head in his hands. He can feel himself vibrating with the mix of anger and shame, and the sick feeling that comes whenever he lets himself think about everything that happened

**Leon** : Trott wants to ask Smith to leave, to go home so he can have a screaming breakdown like he hasn’t had in a while. Because everything just comes surging back, with this little weakening of his careful barriers

**Three** : "I should really go, it's late." Smith pushes away from the counter, hardly able to look at Trott. Stops and stands there by the chair with his jacket.

**Leon** : "Smith, I'm sorry. I keep losing my temper at you. It’s not your fault sunshine. I'm not angry at you."

**Three** : "I'm not exactly good company." Smith shakes his head, shrugging into his jacket. "It's fine."

**Leon** : Trott grips the edge of the counter, trying to steady himself enough to say something to fix the verbal beating he just gave one of the most vulnerable people he knows

**Three** : "Look."

**Three** : Smith takes a breath. "I don't want you to think I'm leaving because you're... I'm gay. So. That's not a thing. Just so you know."

**Leon** : Trott laughs, something choked because he's crying now, he can hear the hurt in Smith's voice and he knows it is entirely his fault this time

**Leon** : "Thank you. for saying that. That’s not." Trott takes a breath. "I can't talk about a lot of things Smith. Not now. Maybe not ever."

**Leon** : "And I'm still upset, about them. And I try very hard to not let it affect my life. Just because you didn't know doesn’t excuse me yelling at you. I'm sorry"

**Three** : "It's okay Trott. I shouldn't have..." Smith trails off. "I don't know. I probably shouldn't be around people at all. I'm not exactly doing anyone any favors."

**Three** : "Anyways. I'll let you do your thing."

**Leon** : Trott looks at him, devastated because he's made Smith think that he's not fit to be around people now and he'd smack himself if he could, but that wouldn’t do either of them good.

**Leon** : "Smith, that's not true. Please, I don't think that at all." Trott moves closer to Smith but stays a distance away. He'd like to hug Smith but that seems like something far too selfish, and too much

**Three** : "Trott. It's okay. I can understand why you wouldn't want me prying into your life." Smith fumbles with the zipper on his jacket. It always gets stuck and needs a couple tries. It frustrates him so much, and he makes a little noise as it sticks for the third time.

**Leon** : Trott goes to stand in front of him and stops Smith's fumbling hands from jerking the zipper into and even worse jam. Tugs the jacket straighter and does up the zipper, not meeting Smith's eyes.

**Three** : "Can't even zip my own jacket," Smith says, a little sad and amused.

**Three** : "I am a pathetic excuse for a human being."

**Leon** : "These metal zippers always do that. It’s not you."

**Leon** : "You're a very good human being Smith. You're just having to work hard to get over all the hurt right now, so that's all you can see of yourself. You're a good person Smith."

**Leon** : Trott lets go and stands back, watching Smith tuck his hands into his pockets, and wondering how things could change so quickly from the quiet moment outside while Smith smoked, and inside, having hot cocoa, to this.

**Leon** : Trott thinks to himself how he's the pathetic excuse for a human being here. Good people don't yell at their depressed friends, and make them feel like they don't deserve to be around people, that they're better off isolated and alone.

**Three** : "I ruin a lot," Smith says quietly. "I hope you can feel better, Trott. Goodnight."

**Leon** : Trott closes his eyes as Smith shuts the door.

**Three** : Smith just wants to get outside before he cries, embarrassed by how hard he's taken this.

**Three** : Maybe walking in the cold will help.

**Leon** : Trott tells himself he has the weekend. He can be miserable for the weekend, and then on Monday, he will go to work, and pretend that everything is fine.

**Leon** : When he's at work, when he is out and about, he will put on the happy face.

**Leon** : but for now, Trott leaves the half empty mugs on the table, doesn’t even bother to change into pajamas, just tugs off his sweater and shirt, and crawls into bed to cry himself to sleep

**Leon** : He feels like he's done it, he's lost any chance he had of helping Smith

**Three** : Trott probably has a counselor he sees infrequently.

**Three** : someone in another town entirely.

**Three** : Smith goes back to his apartment and lays on the couch, feeling miserable. He'd thought there was some opening there, but like a door has slammed in his face. Misses Tom so badly, misses his old friends, feeling like he could joke about things.

**Leon** : Ross finds out about this from Smith.

**Leon** : Trott doesn’t show up for coffee

**Leon** : and Smith asks Ross if he's heard from Trott

**Leon** : because Trott hasn't spoken to Smith since

**Three** : Smith feels so guilty and horrible.

**Leon** : Trott has been going to work, then locking himself in at home

**Leon** : Its winter. So he can do this and not be noticed.

**Three** : Smith keeps telling himself not to bother Trott. That if Trott wanted, he'd text or call.

**Leon** : Ross is worried, because Smith is clearly very upset by this. And Trott not saying anything makes this whole thing terrifying in a way that Ross hadn't realized could happen with Trott. Trott's always a calm constant, for all Ross knows that Trott has a lot of deep seated hurts and feelings he tries to ignore.

**Leon** : Ross probably sends Trott a "Trott? What happened?" text

**Leon** : and the only reply he gets is "Just take care of Smith"

**Three** : Ross is not the type to accept that. He shows up on Trott's doorstep.

**Three** : "Trott. Open the door." Ross is very frowny.

**Leon** : Trott is sitting by his plants, trying to read something before it gets late enough he cannot feel guilty about crawling back in bed.

**Leon** : And he winces when he hears the knock, and Ross' voice

**Leon** : Trott sits still, not moving, and hoping Ross will go away

**Leon** : because he's feeling terrible, and he's going to let himself be that asshole until he's got himself back under control

**Three** : "Trott. It's freezing out here."

**Leon** : Trott bites his lip, because he knows this is pathetic

**Leon** : but now he's waited, he feels like he has to follow through

**Leon** : he's stubborn, especially when he's hurt

**Three** : "Trott if you don't answer the door I'm going to call the sheriff and ask them to do a welfare check and break the damn door down." Ross is worried because he's never seen Trott do this.

**Leon** : Trott knows Ross well enough to know he'd actually do that.

**Leon** : Gets up and unlocks the door, meets Ross' eyes and then leaves the door half open and walks away. Goes into the kitchen to make himself tea.

**Leon** : "Well Ross. Go on and yell at me already."

**Leon** : He says after he hears the door shut, Ross' boots hitting the floor as he takes them off

**Three** : "Why would I yell, aside from you leaving me out there to freeze my ass off? Trott, are you okay?" Ross in his socks, clomping into the kitchen with a worried look.

**Leon** : "I'm perfectly fine"

**Three** : "Bullshit."

**Leon** : Trott says, gritted teeth

**Leon** : "Then why did you ask if you weren’t going to take my answer?"

**Three** : "Don't pretend with me," Ross says seriously.

**Three** : "We're better friends than that."

**Leon** : "I can handle myself. I have before, and just because I'm upset right now doesn't mean I need you to check up on me"

**Leon** : Trott sets a mug down in front of Ross, and gets one of the regular teabags he keeps around just because Ross likes them.

**Leon** : Sits across from Ross with his own mug, keeping his eyes on the tabletop

**Three** : "I know you can take care of yourself just fine." Ross drags the tea bag back and forth in his cup. "All Smith would say is that you weren't talking to him anymore."

**Three** : "I don't like to think I'm usually wrong about people, so I wanted to find out what happened. If he'd done something to you."

**Three** : Ross feels very worried and conflicted and doesn't know who he should be more worried about.

**Leon** : Trott covers his face. "God. Ross, please don't ever think Smith would hurt me, that’s not fair to him. Please"

**Three** : Ross wants to throw his hands up in the air.

**Three** : "Then someone needs to start talking, and I already spent an hour trying to get Smith to do it."

**Leon** : "I got angry at him, because he was asking about me"

**Leon** : "Its not his fault at all Ross."

**Three** : Ross sighs heavily.

**Leon** : "He thinks he doesn't deserve to be around people, he probably already thought that, and in my stupidity and lack of self control I confirmed that in his mind"

**Three** : "Did you say that to him?" Ross asks.

**Three** : "That he shouldn't be around people?"

**Leon** : "No, of course not."

**Three** : "So he just assumes that."

**Three** : Ross is thinking through all this complicated communication, trying to figure out what is wrong as if it is bad wiring in a machine.

**Leon** : "Yes, because I lost my temper at him for being a normal person and wanting to know about his friends. People in his life. Whatever." Trott sighs

**Three** : Ross holds his mug with both hands, glad of the warmth of it.

**Leon** : "I know he beats himself up, and is so guilty about everything, and thinking that if only he'd done better things wouldn’t be bad, and I just played straight into that because I couldn’t control myself"

**Leon** : "So when you knocked on my door, I figured he'd told you all about how I'd hurt him, and you were here to, I don't know, tell me to leave here and not come back because I was just as bad as-" Trott stops, trailing off and taking a drink of his tea to cover it

**Three** : "Trott, I really think you might need to take some of your own advice here." Ross looks at him with that steady, calm gaze of his. "Not everything is your fault, you know."

**Leon** : "I'm pretty sure this is Ross."

**Three** : "Well. Maybe this one thing. But you sound just like he does, right now."

**Leon** : "But he is very much not guilty of, of murdering his best friend, and I am definitely very guilty of hurting him very very badly"

**Three** : "Maybe you need to talk to someone, about whatever it is that got under your skin so bad that it made you snap at him."

**Leon** : "I have. I've talked about enough"

**Three** : Ross just looks at him.

**Leon** : "Ross, I can't talk about some things. I just can't"

**Leon** : "If you need to know so bad, dig through public records. It’s all there. You can find it out yourself but don't make me say it out loud"

**Three** : "Trott," Ross says carefully. "I have never tried to pry into your life. If you want to tell me, then tell me. I'm not going to go digging around like some Baptist church secretary looking for gossip."

**Three** : "I don't want to go poking into your past and learn things I can't talk to you about. That seems like it would only be hurtful."

**Leon** : "Ross. Please." Trott hates this. He hates that he couldn’t just keep his mouth shut, and now he has no real choice in this. "If I'm going to lose both you, and Smith, don't make me do it myself. I'm giving you permission, go ahead and poke in my past and then decide if you even /want to talk to me again"

**Leon** : Trott isn't convinced he didn’t make everything up. Sure the charges got dropped, but everyone was against him, and no one believed him

**Leon** : between that and the relationship itself, Trott still probably thinks he was at fault

**Three** : "Trott." Ross leans across the table. "Are you listening to me? I'm not trying to make you tell me whatever happened. I just want you to find some way to live with it better than this. I don't want you to be so damn miserable you won't open your door."

**Leon** : "Then just give me some time to be miserable, and I'll pick myself up in a week or two."

**Three** : "Until someone asks you a question and you are miserable all over again?"

**Leon** : "I don't know."

**Three** : "You're just papering over the hurt, Trott."

**Leon** : "I'm not sure why you're so convinced I'm innocent, someone to be helped and not hated"

**Three** : "That is exactly something Smith would say."

**Three** : "What's the thing you say? That you can't let things grow toxic, you have to deal with it?" Ross doesn't like throwing Trott's words back at him, but he feels a little grim about the situation.

**Three** : "And frankly Trott, I don't give a damn what you did really. Unless it was that law letting people buy raw milk, because that I have some real issues with."

**Leon** : Trott just shakes his head, because he feels very very sure Ross wouldn't be saying that if he knew. But that maybe since he feels so guilty, and so horrible about this, they'll forgive him

**Leon** : "I'll talk to the therapist I was seeing. See if I can set up some regular appointments again"

**Three** : "That's a good plan." Ross reaches for Trott's hand.

**Leon** : Trott pulls away, crossing his arms and curling in on himself

**Leon** : He can't take that kindness right now

**Leon** : He'll start crying, because thinking of this has made him feel disgusting and wrong all over again, and he doesn't want Ross touching someone like that

**Three** : Ross leaves his hand on the table.

**Three** : "Trott, can I do anything? Take you to get groceries? Visit the cows?"

**Leon** : Trott opens his mouth to say no. Closes it and tries to think of something he can ask for, that isn't a desperate request for Ross to promise he won't hate him

**Leon** : "Someone should keep an eye on Smith. Will you do that, for me?"

**Three** : "As often as I can." Ross thinks a bit.

**Three** : "I know you don't like to let anyone know your business."

**Three** : "It might be good though, to tell Smith you're seeing someone too. He's struggled to get himself to call one of those numbers you gave him awhile back."

**Three** : "But I won't say anything unless you want me to."

**Leon** : "Do you think I should go, apologize again?"

**Leon** : Trott puts his hands back on the table

**Leon** : He doesn't want Ross to leave, really. There’s a large part of him that just wants to curl up next to Ross and tell him everything, but there’s a wall that he can’t cross, stopping him

**Three** : Ross takes a drink of his tea.

**Three** : "Well, would that make you feel better or worse about it?"

**Leon** : "I don't know. I just. Smith thinks I'm angry with him, doesn’t he?"

**Leon** : "I don't want him to think I never want to see him, or that he has to stay away."

**Three** : "I think he believes you're done with him," Ross says reluctantly.

**Three** : "I asked if he had tried calling you, and he mumbled something about not wanting to ruin anything else."

**Leon** : Trott nods. He'd worried that was the case. And the confirmation doesn’t make it any easier

**Leon** : "I'd better go over there. Now, before I talk myself out of it"

**Three** : "I'll come with you."

**Leon** : "Ross, you don't have to"

**Three** : "I know." Ross shrugs.

**Leon** : Trott sighs. And finishes his tea

**Three** : "Trott." Ross holds out his hand, palm up.

**Three** : "Whatever happened, or is happening, you're my closest friend here. I care."

**Leon** : Trott looks at Ross' hand and knows he should take it but he's torn between guilt and desperately wanting Ross to hug him and tell him it will be okay

**Leon** : "Thank you for caring about me Ross. I hope that I won't lose that"

**Leon** : Trott gets up to wash his mug, taking Ross' empty cup off the table.

**Leon** : Trying to work himself up to the logic that if he's going to lose Ross' friendship once he finds out that Trott is a terrible abusive person, he might as well be selfish and take the comfort.

**Three** : Ross gets up puts his arm around Trott's shoulders, thinking it might be sneaky to invade Trott's space when he's doing something and can't pull away. But he knows Trott is skittish.

**Three** : "Trott. I had a thought."

**Leon** : Trott freezes, holding himself very still and trying not to cry because Ross' arm on his shoulders is comforting

**Leon** : and he doesn’t want Ross to regret that

**Leon** : "What Ross"

**Three** : "You ever been shocked with a cattle prod?"

**Leon** : "No. And I don't want to be"

**Leon** : Trott pulls away, putting the cups on the dish drainer

**Leon** : Ross is onto some other train of thought, and his split second of maybe comfort is over

**Three** : "Well. Good." Ross chews on his lip.

**Three** : "If you and Smith don't do something about yourselves, I'd hate to have to shock you."

**Leon** : "Thanks." Trott says, He knows Ross is trying to help him smile, so he forces it a bit

**Three** : "I will though, if I have to."

**Leon** : Trott nods. "I need to go change. Before we go. I'll be back in a second"

**Three** : "Alright." Ross touches his shoulder, gives Trott a gentle pat. "I'll go put on my boots."

**Leon** : Trott's usual house attire is old jeans and a sweater, in winter

**Leon** : He goes off into the bedroom, changed his pants for something that doesn’t have a hole in the knee, and gets socks. Puts on a clean shirt and then the sweater back over it. He looks at himself in the mirror for a second, and turns away before he gets angry again, and sits on the edge of the bed. He can feel the lump in his throat, thinking about Ross' arm on his shoulders, and he tries not to cry but has to wipe away some tears anyway. HE knows Ross is waiting. Presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and takes some deep breaths before going back out

**Three** : Ross is holding Trott's coat, and peering at a plant.

**Leon** : Trott stands close to him, tugging gently on the coat in his hand so he can put it on

**Leon** : "If you ever want one, you just have to ask" Trott says softly, trying to ignore that his nose is stuffed up from his brief cry

**Three** : "Shiloh would just try to eat it." Ross helps Trott into his coat. He feels so protective and worried for Trott, who is his closest friend that he might be a little in love with.

**Leon** : Trott closes his eyes because Ross helping him into his coat is so terribly sweet. Before he can think better of it he steps forward and wraps his arms around Ross. pressing his face into Ross' shoulder

**Three** : Ross instinctively hugs him back, one hand on the back of Trott's head.

**Three** : It takes an effort not to let himself kiss the top of Trott's head.

**Leon** : Trott lets himself cry again, quiet. Hoping that maybe this isn’t too good to be true, and he can just stay here with Ross and things won't be quite so terrible. He's got his hands tight in Ross' coat, and he loosens them, clinging a bit less in case Ross wants to pull away

**Three** : Ross holds onto Trott, feeling his shoulders heave.

**Three** : Hopes that if he just holds Trott, he'll let go of some of this built up misery

**Leon** : "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just- give me a second"

**Leon** : Trott is resolving to himself, to get his shit together

**Three** : "It's alright." Ross puts his cheek to Trott's head.

**Leon** : because he can’t make Ross deal with two messes of human beings

**Leon** : "Let's go see Smith. You can give him a hug too."

**Three** : Ross lets go very reluctantly.

**Leon** : Trott wipes his face. He regrets leaving Ross' hug already

**Three** : Ross wishes he'd brought Shiloh along, because she always helps.

**Three** : It's hard to resist a dog.

**Leon** : Ross probably wonders if he can get Smith and Trott to hug

**Leon** : That might help things.

**Three** : He was half serious about the cattle prod.

**Leon** : I think they go over to see Smith. And Smith has probably just barely been getting himself to work this whole time.

**Three** : Smith subsisting on coffee and cigarettes with the occasional bit of food

**Three** : He sits out on his fire escape and smokes

**Three** : comes in, thinks about making food, half hearted eats a croissant

**Three** : watches a lot of bad TV

**Three** : he's sleeping on the couch again

**Leon** : Trott sees the blanket on the couch and is so saddened

**Leon** : Smith's out on the fire escape

**Leon** : "Smith? It's me. Trott" He doesn't want to corner Smith out there in case the response is going to be "get the fuck out of my apartment

**Three** : Smith's so surprised he almost drops his cigarette.

**Leon** : "Smith?" Ross this time, because Smith hasn't said anything

**Three** : "Coming, hang on." Smith hastily putting out the cigarette into the empty bottle he's using as an ashtray.

**Three** : The awkwardness of having them stand in his apartment, which is a mess.

**Three** : a shirt or two on the floor, socks

**Three** : plastic cups

**Three** : coffee cups

**Three** : a stack of junk mail spilling off the table

**Leon** : "Hey. Smith, I wanted you to know I'm sorry, for before. And for not calling." Trott looks pained, watching Smith as he picks up a few things from the floor

**Three** : "It's okay, Trott." Smith's face burns, and he tries to hide it while clearing away some of the mess.

**Leon** : "Its not though. Is it?"

**Three** : "Well, I mean, I understand why you were mad." Smith carries all the plastic take out cups to the sink.

**Leon** : "That doesn't make it okay though." Trott pauses, trying to figure out what to say "Ross. Ross and I talked. I used to see someone, a therapist, a while ago. And I think I need to do that again. So I will be. I can't just hope this won't happen again."

**Three** : Ross nods. He's surreptitiously trying to read the thermostat from where he's standing.

**Three** : "Okay, Trott." Smith pauses and looks at him, a little lost. "Um, did you want me to do something?"

**Leon** : "I just wanted you to know. That I need that too. And that I probably shouldn't have tried to act like I could just help you, and that everything was fine with me. That was conceited, and dumb. And I'm sorry Smith. I'm so sorry I hurt you"

**Three** : Ross watches the two of them, and it just aches in his chest. He can't help but think the two of them have very similar problems even if the causes are different.

**Three** : He clears his throat.

**Three** : "Both of you need to get some help, for the things eating you up."

**Leon** : Trott nods

**Three** : Smith sighs.

**Three** : "Cattle prod."

**Three** : "What?" Smith frowns at Ross.

**Leon** : "Ross wants to cattle prod us. If we don't behave"

**Three** : "What?"

**Three** : Ross nods.

**Three** : Smith stares at him, wondering if it is a joke.

**Three** : "Are you allowed to just cattle prod people?"

**Leon** : "Can if its my cattle prod"

**Three** : "Ross! Don't you dare cattle prod me!"

**Three** : "Won't have to if you make an appointment with somebody."

**Leon** : "Ross!"

**Three** : Ross just shrugs.

**Three** : "I'm tired of both of you being so miserable to yourselves. Maybe it will be motivating to get a good shock."

**Leon** : "I think you've motivated us enough Ross"

**Three** : Ross looks at Trott, the corner of his mouth lifting just slightly with a smile.

**Three** : "Good."


	10. Chapter 10

**Three** : I keep laughing at the thought of Ross

**Leon** : with a cattle prod

**Three** : "well maybe if I cattle prod them"

**Three** : treating them like cranky cows who refuse to get us

**Leon** : Trott probably ends up telling them at some point

**Leon** : his therapist thinks he should, because its eating him up that they don't know

**Three** : poor Trott

**Three** : but we leave them on a hopeful note

**Three** : Trott will go to therapy

**Leon** : yes

**Three** : smith will go to some grief counseling, and also see someone about his depression

**Three** : Ross will not have to cattle prod any of his friends

  
  
  


**Three** : What do you think. Is Angor Tom a weird farmer. Or does he run the little grocery store on Main and curse about those chains out on the highway. Or does he run the little garden center and curse home depot. Regardless, I think he likes to fish in the river.

**Three** : in weird hippie health goth au

**Leon** : I think he runs the grocery store

**Leon** : usually works the deli

**Three** : He smokes out round the side of the building

**Leon** : of course

**Three** : Probably asks Smith for a light one day

**Leon** : I was gonna say that

**Leon** : lighter dies

**Leon** : and smith offers him the use of Toms

**Leon** : That must gut him, introducing himself

**Leon** : and hearing the guy reply "I'm Tom"

**Three** : Smith just stares, frozen for a moment. Wondering if this is some weird joke.

**Three** : "No you're not," he says automatically.

**Leon** : "You caught. Me. Secretly I'm an alien." Tom raises his eyebrows

**Leon** : "Really. My name's Tom"

**Leon** : "Tom Angor. I run this place. See, my name up there on the sign" Points to the sign by the back door

**Three** : Smith nods, looking at the sign and then back at him.

**Three** : "Can I just call you Angor then?"

**Leon** : "Whatever." He shrugs. Looking at Smith with a curious expression

**Leon** : "You got something against Toms? Tom killed your cat or something?"

**Three** : Smith sucks in a breath and looks away.

**Leon** : "Alright, touchy subject then."

**Three** : "Sorry," Smith says in a strangled voice.

**Leon** : Smith by this point has decided he could use a cigarette too

**Leon** : "Happens. Makes no difference to me if its Tom or Angor or whatever."

**Leon** : Tom is the reclusive weird guy that the kids are always mildly terrified of

**Three** : The one they're afraid of when he's behind the counter

**Three** : Rumors about all the evil things he must do or be

**Leon** : Tom the vampire, Tom the cannibal, who takes kids and eats them

**Three** : Tom the secret warlock who sacrifices animals in the woods

**Three** : Some kid probably came on him gutting a fish

**Leon** : knife in hand and fish scales everywhere

**Leon** : with his hat on

**Leon** : old jeans and shit, waders

**Leon** : group of kids on innertubes floating down the river

**Leon** : Tom on a gravel bar

**Leon** : Smith just thinks he's one more reclusive weird guy in this weird town

**Leon** : Sees him a few times in the early morning, while Smith is running and Tom is making his way up to his favorite fishing spot along the river

**Three** : He can deal because he never tries to stop smith for conversation

**Three** : just gives him a nod

**Leon** : little wave with his fishing pole

**Leon** : Asks Ross or Trott about him

**Leon** : "What's the deal with that Angor guy?"

**Three** : "Guy who runs the grocery?"

**Leon** : "Yeah."

**Three** : Ross thinks.

**Three** : "Pretty quiet guy. Think the grocery is a family business."

**Leon** : "Huh. Doesn’t seem like the type to be close with his family I guess. I see him fishing sometimes"

**Three** : "Right around when I moved to town, his parents retired. Moved down south somewhere."

**Three** : "Angor's carries our ice cream."

**Leon** : "That your endorsement"

**Three** : "Yep."

**Three** : Ross coming into town more often than usual to see Smith, and to check in on Trott.

**Leon** : Ross starts doing all the town runs

**Three** : All deliveries of the dairy goods, picking up the post and supplies, whatever needs doing.

**Leon** : I think that the owner of the farm tends to leave him alone. So long as something doesn’t need fixing, and things are set, they're happy that Ross isn’t just alone with Shiloh

**Three** : Ross is tired as hell of all the driving.

**Three** : Grumbles to himself in the truck about how he should make those two idiots move into the barn.

**Leon** : Trott would offer for him to stay the night, but he knows that Ross has to get back

**Leon** : "you don't need to be coming here just to check up on me Ross"

**Three** : "I'm already here, might as well at least get to see someone I like."

**Three** : Sometimes Ross brings ice cream.

**Three** : "Plus we have a new flavor and I wanted to hear your thoughts."

**Leon** : "Bring it to Smith! He needs fattening up"

**Three** : "I'll take some to Smith too, don't worry." Ross laughs. "Trott, I'm dying to know what you think!"

**Leon** : Trott rolls his eyes and eats some of it, eats some more

**Leon** : making Ross wait

**Three** : Ross knows Trott likes ice cream.

**Three** : Ross just wants to bring him something happy. Maybe he'll indulge a little if it is a gift.

**Leon** : "What in this?"

**Three** : "Some honey, and thyme, and a little bit of fresh cheese."

**Three** : "I think if you put some fruit in there, it would be really like cheesecake. Maybe in the summer we can do strawberries or blueberries."

**Leon** : "Blueberries would be good."

**Leon** : Trott likes it

**Leon** : he's not saying so, because he's going to keep eating

**Three** : Ross trying not to stare while Trott eats. Thinking if he still eats, it has to be a good sign about the flavor. Instead he touches the spiky leaves of one of Trott's plants.

**Leon** : "S'good. I really like it" Trott finally says, around a mouthful

**Three** : "Great!" Ross is pleased. "You can keep that pint then."

**Leon** : "How are things on the farm?" Probably spring now, things are busy for Ross, and he looks tired.

**Three** : "Oh, covered in mud like every spring. Got a pair of new cows. Busy. But Sadie's thinking about the new ice cream flavors."

**Three** : Ross spends entirely too much time getting mud off Shiloh so she doesn't track it all over his home and into his bed.

**Leon** : hoses her off in a little blue swimming pool outside

**Three** : Ross daydreams about having a week off and just sleeping late every day.

**Leon** : Ross falls asleep on Trott’s sofa one afternoon. Trott wanted them both over for dinner

**Three** : Trott's prepping something, peeling vegetables or something

**Leon** : Goes into the living room because its gone really quiet in there

**Three** : Ross is curled up on his side, asleep.

**Leon** : I think Trott lets Ross bring Shiloh over.

**Leon** : So long as she doesn't eat the plants.

**Three** : She is pretty well behaved.

**Leon** : She likes to sit by Trott in the kitchen

**Three** : Ross tries to keep her from getting on Trott's furniture

**Leon** : because Trott will sometimes drop a slice of carrot

**Leon** : "Ross, she can sit on the couch. Its not like I live in a museum. Its meant to be lived on"

**Leon** : Smith probably isn’t over yet.

**Leon** : post office closes at five or six, its still early evening

**Three** : "She'll get her hair all over everything, and you have nice pillows Trott."

**Leon** : "I can move the pillows Ross!" Trott pats the couch and Shiloh hops up. planting her head in Ross' lap, tail thumping on the cushions

**Leon** : Trott gathers up some pillows and moves them to the chair

**Leon** : Trott starts keeping a blanket on the sofa for her

**Three** : "You are spoiled." Ross scratches Shiloh's ears.

**Leon** : "Ross, you're as covered in fur as she is."

**Leon** : "Should I make you sit on the floor?"

**Three** : "Shit." Ross frowns. "I thought I put on a clean shirt."

**Leon** : Trott just shakes his head

**Leon** : Shiloh licks Ross' hand when Trott finds him asleep

**Three** : Ross mumbles in his sleep a lot, I think.

**Leon** : She'd been watching Trott chop vegetables and beef. making stew or something.

**Leon** : Ross still asleep pats her head and mumbles something similar to "good dog, go to sleep"

**Three** : Ross doesn't wake up until Smith gets there. He brought beer.

**Leon** : The door wakes him

**Leon** : Shiloh making a little happy bark when Smith comes in, and Smith talking before Trott shushes him because Ross is asleep

**Three** : Ross sitting up, yawning.

**Three** : "Shit Trott, how long have I been asleep?"

**Leon** : "A few hours maybe?"

**Three** : "Trott!"

**Leon** : "Ross, clearly you needed the sleep"

**Three** : Smith is crouched and petting Shiloh who is excited to see him.

**Three** : "I meant to help you with dinner."

**Leon** : "Shiloh helped. I think my floor is cleaner than it was before, even after everything I dropped"

**Leon** : "Go back to sleep Ross, dinner will be ready in half an hour"

**Three** : Ross shakes his head.

**Three** : "Shiloh, you know you're not supposed to beg."

**Leon** : "She didn't Ross, she was very good. I'm just clumsy"

**Leon** : She sat very patiently and happily in front of the refrigerator. Chewing on a squeaky toy that no longer has the squeaky bit

**Three** : Ross gets up, mostly to greet Smith.

**Leon** : Ross has taken to hugging Smith when they say hello

**Three** : Ross has developed a habit of putting a hand on the both of them when he sees them. Some reassuring touch.

**Three** : (jinnnnnnnnnx)

**Leon** : Trott is still more skittish about it than Smith

**Three** : Ross lets him dodge if he wants, but he always makes the effort.

**Leon** : Smith leans into Ross for a bit. Takes a deep breath, relaxes slightly. Some of the tension leaving

**Three** : "How's life working for the government?"

**Three** : Ross always teases him a little about it.

**Leon** : "Oh its great. I like when people come in to bitch about their packages taking a long time to get here. I'm sorry sir, I can't help that you live in the asscrack of nowhere, it takes a while to ship things here"

**Three** : "Should offer a discount on delivery by horse and cart."

**Leon** : Smith elbows him, going into the kitchen because Trott disappeared there

**Leon** : And the beer needs to go in the fridge

**Three** : Smith brings beer. Ross brings bread that he made, and some fresh butter.

**Leon** : (I’ve been thinking about Trott in therapy. And whether or not he winds up feeling like he should tell them. that its just going to be this thing hanging over his head that he'll always fear that they would reject him, or if he just comes to terms with it, and decides to live his life now, without talking about it with Ross and Smith. and I’m imagining this is spring, late. Trott and smith are doing a bit better, have been in their respective therapies for some months.)

**Leon** : Trott is making beef stew because he loves beef stew. On the stove, because he figured the crock pot would freak Smith out, knowing it had been left on all day even while Trott was out

**Three** : (I was thinking about Smith in therapy. Going to some group grief counseling thing that meets just before or after AA in some church. And seeing a counselor about his depression.)

**Three** : (I think he finds the group thing more helpful than he first suspected he would.)

**Leon** : (definitely. I was thinking about how he would be a bit wary of that suggestion, I think his counselor suggests it to him. And he goes because he says he'll give it a try, and in the end he finds it works well for him, to have that)

**Leon** : Smith talks a bit more than Trott about his various therapy. Mentioning things that were said, things he went over.

**Three** : (it gives him a place to talk where he's not a freak, and Smith didn't realize how badly needed that.)

**Leon** : Trott is several word answers "It was good." or "It was really hard today" Ross always asks "Do you want to talk about any of it?" Trott always says no, but thanks him for asking.

**Three** : Smith probably still feels like there's something between him and Trott, and he's so hesitant to really push and figure out what's there and what the boundary is. He's worried if he tries to ask Trott anything, that wall will come back.

**Three** : Ross will at least answer questions. Smith finds it weird that it is easier to talk to Ross, who is such a quiet person most of the time.

**Leon** : Smith never asks Trott about therapy. Or really anything personal. If Trott says something, he might tentatively ask for him to elaborate, if it doesn’t seem like a big thing

**Leon** : Ross hates watching them, both act injured and cautious around each other

**Three** : Ross tries to hope things will work out.

**Three** : That's all he wants.

**Three** : He's grown very fond of Smith.

**Leon** : So what do you think. Does Trott decide to have them over for dinner and talk about things with them?

**Leon** : I'm unsure which way I think works better for him

**Three** : well.

**Three** : I think he knows he can't leave it forever.

**Three** : and I think Trott would be cognizant of Smith's distance and caution and the way he avoids asking Trott questions, to know that's never going to change without Trott making the change.

**Leon** : I think he's also probably acknowledged he's probably  suppressing some feelings about Ross and Smith. And that things would only get worse if he tried to just keep that in the past, because he knows that there’s a bunch of things that are fucked up for him. and that maybe this would help them understand that.

**Leon** : So seems like Trott tells them, he's composed what he wants to say. And I think what he thinks he wants to say is very minimal. He's really going to try to downplay it so that he doesn’t have to do more messy emotional processing in front of them

**Three** : He probably worries a lot about how they will react, especially Smith. Ross is so much more stoic and calm about things, that even if Ross takes it badly he wouldn't flip the table or anything. Trott doesn't know what Smith might think.

**Leon** : Hopes that if he keeps details minimal they might just move on from it

**Three** : Is Trott's evil ex Lewis?

**Leon** : We can make it Lewis

**Leon** : I'm okay with making Lewis the forever evil ex

**Leon** : unless we want to keep evil ex unnamed

**Three** : Lewis is forever evil ex now

**Leon** : At the time, I think some local papers covered it. and the record of it haunts Trott. He has printed copies of some of the articles. He made the mistake of going to the comments section when he was printing them.

**Leon** : Also. Is this how Trott's parents find out he's queer.

**Three** : shit yes

**Leon** : Trott who was trying to keep his private life very quiet

**Leon** : Still chasing that family chosen dream of being a politician

**Leon** : has started his environmental activism, so there’s already some bad blood brewing

**Leon** : A couple tense dinner discussions where he called out his parents on bullshit

**Three** : and now this

**Three** : imagine some paper called his parents home seeking comment

**Three** : his mother heard it from a reporter

**Leon** : And now. He's queer, he's been arrested, and Lewis is trying to get him put in jail for abuse

**Leon** : or at least make it so that Trott will have to carry this with him, forever

**Leon** : the papers are all over this because gay college students in trouble, and both of them have decently well known parents in their respective places. scandal scandal scandal.

**Three** : Lewis has been physical with him before but this was the first time Trott really fought back

**Leon** : I think this has been a fairly long ongoing thing

**Leon** : and Trott just snapped, and lost it on him, and finally fought back

**Leon** : shoves Lewis, Lewis bangs his head on something, Trott throws a punch and then locks himself in the bathroom

**Leon** : Trott's place? or Lewis'

**Three** : Lewis calls 911 and says his boyfriend attacked him

**Three** : Lewis'

**Leon** : because why would he go over to Trott’s

**Three** : right

**Leon** : Trott spends so much of his free time there

**Leon** : until Lewis gets angry with him and demands he goes home

**Leon** : angry if he doesn’t show up, angry if he's there too much

**Three** : Lewis is ever unpredictable

**Leon** : Trott's horror, when he unlocks the door and the cops are there

**Three** : probably a little more wealthy, definitely more snobby

**Leon** : Lewis has lots of friends

**Leon** : and all Trott's friends are shit

**Three** : Some EMS person looking at Lewis

**Leon** : One of the neighbors gets a photo of Trott outside. That goes in the papers.

**Three** : Trott doesn't call anyone when he gets to jail, because he's too shocked.

**Leon** : Trott is just telling them that they've made a mistake, he was defending himself

**Leon** : Has a moment where he thinks "at least in here Lewis can't get me"

**Three** : It's horrendous the whole experience

**Leon** : And then dealing with everyone on campus after, is almost worse

**Leon** : Because of course everyone believes Lewis

**Leon** : Except maybe the few friends Trott has left, after Lewis cut him off from most of them

**Three** : I think Lewis ends up refusing to testify because his parents put pressure on him not to take this any further because of the scandal, so the prosecutor cans the case

**Leon** : sounds about right

**Leon** : but damage done for Trott's reputation

**Leon** : and Lewis knows it.

**Three** : yes

**Leon** : which is why he lets it go

**Three** : was this undergrad or graduate school

**Leon** : I’m not sure. graduate school would probably have been difficult for Trott to get into with this on his record

**Three** : depends on the school

**Three** : but I was thinking it happened in grad school

**Leon** : Trott goes full radical environmentalist in grad school

**Three** : Trott quietly resigns his TA position, hammers out the last of his thesis

**Leon** : he was already deciding to take a more environmental route with politics perhaps

**Three** : takes a job somewhere (nyc perhaps) with some radical group

**Three** : tries to start over

**Leon** : but now, he's got nothing left to lose, and that career is sort of trashed. so he just finishes his thesis, starts getting involved with environmental groups and activism

**Three** : hates the pressure and grind of it though

**Leon** : and the evangelical morality

**Three** : doesn't feel like he's ever really connecting with people

**Three** : actual people as opposed to corporate people

**Leon** : quits it, works with a smaller organization but still in the city

**Leon** : something that helps people get funding to make their homes more environmentally friendly. Better insulation, replacing dangerous and awful wiring, hazardous materials.

**Leon** : but he winds up needing to leave the city, so he takes those experiences far away to middle of nowhere Wisconsin

**Three** : the city is crowded and expensive, and he just wants out

**Leon** : So at dinner. I think that Trott has a fairly decent table, because sometimes he needs the space for cooking, and now its good when multiple people are over

**Three** : Trott has a nice wooden table

**Three** : good silverware and dishes

**Three** : tablecloth even

**Leon** : Trott makes dinner nice. Maybe they make a regular thing of dinner, on Friday or Saturday night

**Leon** : big pot of stew, Ross' bread

**Leon** : Smith eats a lot of stew

**Leon** : because it is delicious and he's surprisingly hungry

**Leon** : sitting around for half an hour in an apartment that smelled like food made him hungry even though he thought he wouldn’t eat much when he left work

**Three** : he's missed having real meals

**Three** : smith will sometimes cook something. eggs. but never a complete meal.

**Three** : just one thing

**Three** : or he'll eat cereal

**Three** : take out. fast food.

**Three** : bagged salad.

**Leon** : And Trott and Ross are both good cooks

**Leon** : They talk about random things at the table

**Leon** : Smith feeding bits of bread to Shiloh under the table

**Leon** : "I swear, between you and Trott she's going to be incorrigible"

**Three** : "She'll get too fat to chase the cows."

**Three** : It takes Trott a whole meal to work himself up to talking.

**Three** : Ross takes their plates, humming to himself as he rinses all the dishes.

**Leon** : "Smith, Ross. Can we talk? About something serious?"

**Leon** : Smith is instantly worried this is going to be bad news

**Leon** : Ross brought ice cream, but Smith has professed to being too full from all that stew,  and bread, he wants to wait a bit

**Three** : "Of course, Trott." Ross wipes his hands with Trott's dishtowel. He looks at Smith, who is only looking at the tablecloth.

**Leon** : "Do you guys want to sit in the living room? or here?" Trott is stalling, now that its come down to it

**Three** : "Let's sit in the living room," Ross suggests. He touches Smith's shoulder, tugging him up. "Come on, Shiloh will be so happy we can sit and pet her now." Ross herds them all into the next room, and hopes for the best.

**Leon** : Smith is happy Ross is keeping his hand on his shoulder

**Leon** : It helps him feel a bit reassured that this won't all be terrible

**Leon** : Trott stands, while they sit. Hovering a bit, because this is the thing he's been trying to do for a long time. Gets the things he printed, or had pulled from a paper at the time, and brings them over. holds them for a second, before sitting on the end of the couch and setting them onto the coffee table.

**Leon** : "I don't know how else to tell you both, about this. So here's some of it."

**Leon** : "I was almost done grad school, when I got arrested."

**Three** : Smith sitting on the floor with Shiloh half in his lap. He's too stressed to look at first. Ross picks up the papers, reading them.

**Three** : He looks up, trying to figure out which question to ask first.

**Leon** : Trott's just staring at the table.

**Three** : "Trott?" Ross asks carefully.

**Leon** : Smith reaches up and takes one article off the table, the one with the picture the neighbor took. There's the Trott he'd teased about, but its terrible to see him like this. policemen, Trott's blue and white plaid shirt untucked from his nice jeans, sticking out beneath  his sweater

**Leon** : "Ross." Trott says, managing to say at least that

**Leon** : "Just say it"

**Three** : "Is this why non-violence is so important to you now? Because of this?" Ross is chewing on his lip, trying to fit the pieces together with what he knows of Trott.

**Leon** : Trott nods. because its true

**Leon** : There's probably something in the brief writeup Ross has. About how the accused claimed the injuries were due to self defense

**Three** : Ross flips through the papers.

**Three** : He frowns, looking at the clippings. "This is all just about the arrest. Did you have to go to court?"

**Leon** : "He refused to testify"

**Leon** : Smith finished with what he'd been reading, taking another from Ross. Completely silent.

**Three** : Smith's reading now, devouring what little there is to learn.

**Three** : Wondering if this is the nerve he struck those months ago.

**Leon** : Smith notices the date on the articles. Realizes he doesn't actually know Trott's age, or his birthday. Its been long enough that he's been here. Almost a year. Wonders if Trott's birthday has passed and he just didn't know.

**Three** : "Trott, do you want to tell us what happened that night?"

**Three** : Ross has a feeling these papers don't tell the whole story. He finds it hard to square with the Trott he knows.

**Leon** : Trott takes a deep breath. "I guess it was a normal night. For him, us. He was angry, because I'd stayed late after study group. One of my undergrads needed help with a major paper, she was so smart and her group members were all awful. I couldn’t just let her fail. And I said something, after our near silent dinner. One thing too many wrong. And like usual, he snapped, and went to take it out on me and for some reason I just didn't let him that time. He got hurt when I shoved him away. And punched him. I locked myself in the bathroom, and then didn't open it until the cops told me they would break the door down. And then they arrested me" Trott points at the pictures in the article Smith is still holding

**Three** : "But why just you? Why not him too?" Ross is outraged. "That's not right."

**Three** : Smith is still sitting on the floor.

**Leon** : "Because he told them that I'd been abusing him. Through our entire relationship." Trott is trying hard not to cry.

**Leon** : "Because it was my fault" he tries to tell himself its not true. but it feels like it is

**Three** : Ross stands up, abruptly, and steps over Smith. He puts his arm around Trott, not allowing him a chance to object, and hold's Trott's head against his stomach.

**Three** : He's angry and feels a little sick.

**Leon** : Trott just sits, not moving. He'd told himself he could be calm about this. Its just facts. But he's still making choked noises against Ross

**Leon** : "You don't have to believe me, I've made this seem worse than it probably was. It wasn't always bad"

**Three** : "If he hit you, that's not true at all." Smith shakes his head.

**Three** : Smith's parents fought so much when he was growing up, and there were too many times it got violent.

**Three** : "Oh Trott," Ross says quietly. "Is this what you were so afraid of saying?"

**Leon** : Trott nods against Ross

**Leon** : "After, even though they didn't take it to court, no one believed me. The papers, the people saying I should be in jail. Or shot. Why wouldn't you think the same."

**Leon** : "I could be just making this all up."

**Leon** : "I don't even know that I'm not"

**Three** : "That's what they do," Smith says. "Turn it all around on you. My dad used to tell everyone my mom was a drunk, was crazy, that's how she got all those bruises."

**Three** : Ross holds Trott tightly.

**Three** : "Trott, are you talking to your therapist about this?"

**Leon** : "A little"

**Three** : Ross is heartbroken that Trott's hurt runs so deep that he doesn't even trust himself.

**Leon** : "They helped me get to the point where I felt like I should tell you. Because I couldn’t just keep not"

**Three** : "In the years I've known you, Trott, nothing I've ever seen makes me think you would lie about something like this." Ross strokes his hair.

**Leon** : Trott chokes on a sob, wrapping his arms around Ross and clinging

**Leon** : Ross undoes his ponytail, so he can run his fingers through Trott's hair

**Leon** : Smith is just watching them, trying to figure out what he should do. Somehow he just didn't expect that this would be it. But it makes a horrible horrible sense with everything that Trott does, and how he acts.

**Leon** : wondering about Trott's parents. How they refused to make a statement according to one article

**Three** : Shiloh whines softly and gets up to nose at Trott and Ross. She can tell something is wrong.

**Leon** : Trott pets her with a hand, keeping his face pressed against Ross

**Leon** : He feels like if he pulls away the surreal dream will shatter and everything will be terrible

**Three** : Smith feels awkward, and gets up to find Trott some tissues or a paper towel or something.

**Leon** : "Smith-" Trott looks at him, worried that Smith is leaving

**Leon** : Reluctantly turning away from Ross

**Three** : "Where do you keep your kleenex, Trott?" Smith looks around helplessly.

**Leon** : Trott points to the bathroom

**Leon** : "On the shelf"

**Leon** : He pushes himself away from Ross, feeling like he should let go, now that he's not as much of a crying mess

**Three** : Ross sinks down beside him on the couch.

**Three** : He's thinking hard about what to say.

**Leon** : "I'm sorry. I didn't want to break down like that"

**Three** : Ross pats him.

**Three** : Smith brings back the box of kleenex, and offers it silently to Trott.

**Leon** : "Thanks sunshine." Trott says quietly, blowing his nose

**Leon** : "Smith, if there's anything you need to say, or want to know. You can ask. I'm not going to get angry about it."

**Three** : Smith looks at his hands, embarrassed.

**Leon** : Trott leans back on the couch. picking up his knees and resting slightly on Ross, hoping that's okay.

**Three** : Ross curls an arm around Trott, glad he's there and letting Ross hug him so much.

**Leon** : Trott thinks about sleeping curled up against Ross. Because he's safe and familiar. And he feels always like a comfort.

**Three** : "I don't know what to ask you," Smith admits. "It sounds awful. From this guy to getting arrested to these." He gestures at the articles.

**Three** : "I can see why you didn't want to talk about it."

**Leon** : Trott nods.

**Three** : Shiloh climbs onto the couch, even when Ross tries to shoo her off.

**Leon** : "There's so much I haven’t even really said but I just don't know if its even worth talking about every little fucked up detail"

**Three** : "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want." Smith sits back on the floor, and wraps his arms around his knees.

**Leon** : "I think, in a lot of ways I do but I don't know where to start. Or if its even okay to talk about things"

**Three** : Smith feels weird. He's spent so much time avoiding asking Trott questions.

**Leon** : "Just. I know I've made it hard for us to talk, about things. But you can ask me things Smith. I'm working on it"

**Three** : "Is this why you don't want anyone to know anything about you? Cause you were in the paper and this whole fucked up thing?"

**Leon** : "My whole ugly past." Trott nods again.

**Three** : Smith shakes his head.

**Three** : "I killed someone Trott, I don't think you need to worry about me judging you." Smith sighs.

**Three** : Ross frowns at Smith over Trott's head.

**Leon** : "Smith, sunshine. You didn't kill Tom." Trott looks at him sadly. Reaching out a hand because Smith looks miserable and is sitting so far away from them

**Three** : "Sorry. I can't seem to have a conversation not about myself." Smith looks mad at himself. "We're talking about your thing, which seems like it must have been awful. Going from a shitty abusive boyfriend to getting arrested and having everyone think you're the asshole... fuck Trott."

**Leon** : "But I managed Smith, I'm here. Things are more okay. Its passed. I just wanted you both to know. Because its better for me, and so that you have an explanation for the things I'm weird about"

**Three** : "Are they more okay?" Smith can't help but sound skeptical.

**Leon** : "I don't have to see him around'. I'm not completely alone with no one to rely on"

**Three** : Smith nods. He looks at the picture of Trott, handcuffed and rumpled, a police officer pulling him along by the arm.

**Leon** : Terribly skinny Trott with his bangs threatening to fall into his eyes

**Three** : "You look so different in this picture. Not really like you."

**Leon** : "That was me then. I guess I didn't mind it really."

**Three** : Smith puts all the papers back on the coffee table.

**Leon** : "If  had another picture of me from back then, I'd show you Smith."

**Three** : Ross is quiet, listening to them. Mostly he thinks about how much Trott must hurt, carrying this around. He just wants to hug Trott until something gets better.

**Leon** : Trott goes quiet. Lost in thinking about everything

**Three** : "I'm glad you're not there anymore, then." Smith wants to know so many things, but can't bring himself to ask.

**Leon** : "Me too." Trott fidgets with the hem of his shirt. Trying not to give in to the guilty feelings. shifting a bit closer to Ross "I always just thought that was how it was going to be. Forever."

**Leon** : "And since, its not like I've been able to-" Trott gestures at the air. "See anyone. I tried to just not let anyone get close. Because maybe then I wouldn't hurt them, or they wouldn't hurt me. Its just better that way"

**Three** : Ross makes a sad sound.

**Three** : His early cautious flirtations were turned down, gently but without a doubt.

**Three** : He wonders if that will change. Wonders if he wants it to change. Wonders about Smith.

**Leon** : "I don't know if I'll ever get over being this broken" Trott thinks a lot about missing close contact. But how so much of it is fraught with painful memories now that he's not sure will ever go away

**Three** : "Trott." Ross speaks carefully, with that deliberate thoughtfulness.

**Three** : "The person I know, the Trott I know, has always been a thoughtful, considerate person who puts the needs of other people over his own. But you also deserve kindness and consideration and love."

**Leon** : Trott shakes his head. He feels like Ross is being far too kind to him.

**Three** : Ross sighs

**Three** : "The two of you are going to be the death of me."

**Leon** : "You don't have to stick around Ross"

**Three** : "That. That is exactly why I do." Ross points at him.

**Three** : "Who else is going to call the two of you on your bullshit assumptions that you're not worthy?"

**Three** : Ross looks at Shiloh.

**Three** : "You should be glad you're a dog."


	11. Chapter 11

**Three** : I mean

**Three** : we do want them to be happy right

**Leon** : OF COURSE

**Three** : so yeah

**Three** : so here's my rough timeline and stop me if this sounds off base

**Leon** : carry on

**Three** : tom dies in the spring, smith moves to town in late spring/early summer

**Three** : things proceed

**Three** : winter is when everyone gets really messy

**Leon** : yep

**Leon** : spring they start turning around.

**Three** : February ish when Trott goes back to therapy

**Three** : they have this dinner in spring

**Leon** : what are we thinking

**Leon** : April? mid may?

**Three** : April

**Three** : really rainy stormy may

**Three** : when should tom's birthday be

**Three** : I want to make that a pivotal point for smith

**Leon** : mid summer

**Three** : July

**Leon** : which was sort of right in the aftermath last time, so it just didn’t make a huge difference in Smith's attitude

**Leon** : he just shut himself away more

**Three** : he barely looked at a calendar then

**Three** : but this, this feels like a more important thing

**Three** : now at least

**Three** : maybe he quits smoking again

**Leon** : what does he do a year from the fire

**Three** : but his therapist encourages him to do something to mark the day

**Three** : ahh that

**Three** : He takes the day off work. Lucky for him it is a Saturday this year.

**Leon** : Does he tell Trott and Ross

**Leon** : I think Trott knows its coming

**Three** : He's torn between staying inside, and drinking himself to sleep, or saying something

**Leon** : he has a rough timeline, knows about when it happens and is keeping an eye on Smith

**Three** : it happens end of April, after their dinner

**Three** : cause it was a Friday night the year before

**Leon** : You know what I think Trott knows the date almost exactly

**Leon** : because Smith says how long he was in town

**Leon** : Trott probably looks it up.

**Leon** : because the papers ran articles about this.

**Three** : it's easy enough to find

**Three** : it was a big building, and a few people died

**Three** : there's probably even one of those "victims of x tragedy" articles that has a short thing on tom

**Three** : where he would learn tom worked for a non profit

**Three** : and that he was the same age as smith, came from a well to do family

**Leon** : Trott wonders if he should bring it up.

**Leon** : he really doesn’t want to force Smith into a corner, but he can see Smith's mood is dropping as it gets closer

**Leon** : Trott is still feeling vulnerable and unsure after that dinner

**Leon** : not quite certain where things stand with Smith still

**Three** : Ross definitely made everyone hug

**Three** : He gathered up his wayward friends and hugged them, then pushed Trott into Smith's arms and said he needed to get on home, because new cows need extra prodding

**Leon** : casual reminder he has a cattle prod

**Three** : Smith is just trying hard not to lean on Trott or push him

**Three** : He feels vaguely bad that he unburdened himself so much, not realizing Trott had his own problems to worry about

**Leon** : I think Smith, once Ross leaves, wants to say something to Trott. Because he's thinking about those first weeks and how Trott let him cry on him on the sofa.

**Leon** : How he was resentful of Trott, in a way. For being alright. Having it together

**Leon** : While Smith was falling apart on him, nearly literally.

**Leon** : Because now Trott's just bared himself to them in the same spot Smith was in. Smith had his pictures of Tom. Trott laid out the pictures of one of the worst nights of his life

**Three** : He probably apologizes, for being a wreck and for not thinking of whether Trott had things of his own to deal with.

**Leon** : "I still would have wanted to help you Smith."

**Three** : "Yeah, I know. I just, might not have been so oblivious."

**Leon** : "It's okay Smith. Really. And my hurt is old, yours was still so terribly terribly new"

**Three** : "Still hurts though."

**Leon** : Trott sighs. But nods.

**Leon** : "Smith I don't want you to think you can't talk with me about things. Just because I've told you about this"

**Three** : "I know. I just. Don't want to be too much. I don't want to be the shitty friend who doesn't think about how anyone else is doing."

**Leon** : "You're thinking about how I'm doing now"

**Leon** : Trott nudges him. They've been standing close, after Ross left and the group hug dissolved

**Three** : "I am making the effort to think about the world beyond myself," Smith says, with only the slightest sarcastic edge. Sometimes he can't help but mock the things his therapist says.

**Leon** : "Just like I'm trying to think about myself. And not hide behind the world’s problems"

**Three** : "How well adjusted and adult of us."

**Leon** : I think Ross is the youngest of the three of them

**Leon** : Smith and Trott joke about how the baby is better at handling his emotions than they are

**Three** : Yes.

**Three** : Ross just has the experience of living in a large and fairly close family

**Three** : And he's very thorough about thinking things through

**Leon** : Smith gets ready to leave. Hesitating because it somehow seems strange to just leave Trott after this huge emotional thing. Wonders if Trott will be okay tonight.

**Three** : "Are you okay, here, tonight? Do you want to take a walk or anything?"

**Leon** : "I- think a walk would be good. You don't have to stay though Smith."

**Three** : "I just thought maybe something to ease from 'apartment with people and serious intense conversation' to 'suddenly alone' might be a good idea."

**Leon** : "I sort of imagined you both would leave, maybe for me to not see you again, and I'd just clean up and drink and go to bed."

**Leon** : Trott laughs, halfheartedly. Which he knows does nothing to soften that statement

**Three** : "If you'd rather just drink and go to bed, that's fine."

**Three** : Smith nixes the bad jokes about the two of them doing that together.

**Leon** : "Drinking isn't going to help right now. I've done too much of that, I know how bad it is"

**Three** : "So, let's just take a walk and I'll try not to say anything dumb or put my foot in my mouth for at least half an hour, yeah?"

**Leon** : "Yeah."

**Leon** : Trott gets a jacket. Because its cold in April.

**Leon** : they walk to the river and sit, probably by where a little park is. A bench by the retaining wall.

**Three** : Mostly quiet. Smith trying to do that 'stay in the moment' thing his therapist keeps telling him.

**Three** : I think in the aftermath of this evening, Smith wonders a lot about how Trott is now and how he used to be.

**Three** : Because Smith feels like big chunks of his personality and attitude vanished or altered in the wake of Tom's death, and he wonders if Trott feels that way.

**Leon** : Smith wonders a lot about the Trott in the photos

**Leon** : Spends a lot of time trying to picture a grown up version of that Trott

**Leon** : Wonders if they'd be friends

**Three** : Smith thinks Trott might have been like some of Tom's other friends and coworkers. The kind of person who seemed more like a grown up.

**Three** : I think Tom's family is pretty well off.

**Three** : They were never weird to Smith about it, even when he was so clearly boggled by their home and stuff like that.

**Leon** : Comfortably upper middle class, could support their kids' interests

**Leon** : but not awful about it

**Leon** : to other people

**Leon** : I think Smith has a lot more questions than he feels like answers

**Leon** : what was Trott's family like

**Leon** : how did he end up dating an abusive asshole

**Leon** : but he keeps quiet, and sits with Trott by the river

**Three** : He would totally ask Trott when his birthday was

**Leon** : Trott looks at him

**Three** : Smith is the kind of person who is big on remembering people's birthdays

**Leon** : He seriously considers not telling him.

**Leon** : "Its in February."

**Three** : "I missed it."

**Leon** : "I let you"

**Three** : "Why?"

**Leon** : "I prefer it that way, birthdays were never something I looked forward to"

**Leon** : (Consider. Trott maybe went over to Lewis' for birthday dinner. Lewis was mad because he'd made plans, which clearly Trott didn't appreciate.)

**Three** : "Oh." Smith pulls his leather jacket around him, crossing his arms.

**Three** : "I like birthdays. Good excuse to do something fun."

**Three** : (Lewis is the worst)

**Leon** : "I like doing things for other people. Just not my own birthday."

**Leon** : "When's yours Smith? I'll make a cake. Ross can bring some ice cream"

**Three** : "May."

**Leon** : "Oh, so that's really close. Do you want us to do something?"

**Three** : "I. Don't know."

**Leon** : Trott nods. "Okay. I won't mention it again if you don't want. Should I tell Ross not to ask about it?"

**Three** : Smith is realizing how close it is to anniversaries.

**Three** : "It's fine. I just hadn't thought about it, that's all. I completely forgot last year."

**Leon** : Trott looks at him, not really wanting to say anything that brings up the fire.

**Three** : "I don't think I even remembered to cancel our dinner reservations..." Smith leans back and looks up at the sky. "Tom made them two months in advance because the place was that ridiculous and hard to get into. We always took each other out for dinner on our birthdays, did something ridiculous. Shit. I can't believe I'm just now remembering. I wonder if they tried to charge his card for the cancellation fee."

**Three** : He laughs, a little incredulous and sad and bitter all at once.

**Leon** : "Would it be better? To do something happy this year, or try to?"

**Leon** : Trott tries to not think about how he avoids doing that. Has an internal moment where he tells himself he's a hypocrite, and maybe he should take his own advice

**Three** : "Maybe." Smith sighs. "I'll try to think about it."

**Three** : "Don't guess in this town you have to make reservations two months in advance."

**Leon** : "I'd like to do something for you, if you want to. And if not, that's okay too"

**Leon** : "I don't know if we have anywhere that making a reservation would be necessary"

**Three** : "Why are you so willing to do for other people, but you don't want anything yourself?" Smith asks before he can stop himself.

**Leon** : "Its harder isn't it"

**Leon** : "And I still have trouble getting over the years old hurts Smith"

**Leon** : Trott takes a deep breath. "And I've spent a lot of time helping other people hoping that maybe if I do enough, I'll be able to think of myself as a good person/"

**Three** : "Is that what you'd tell me to do?" Smith looks sideways at him.

**Leon** : "No, because clearly it doesn't work" Trott smiles ruefully back

**Three** : Smith snorts.

**Three** : "No one has really told me how to fix it, so far."

**Leon** : "Don't know if anyone knows."

**Leon** : "Clearly I don't. I mean look at me. However many years later."

**Three** : Smith just smiles at him. Spends some time sitting in the comfortable silence with Trott before walking him home. Wondering there's anyone peering out their curtains, watching them.

**Leon** : "Thank you Smith. For the walk. And for letting me-" Trott waves a hand. He doesn’t know how to describe it so he lets it stand as that

**Three** : "Sure thing, Trott."

**Three** : Smith puts his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels.

**Three** : Leans closer and whispers exaggeratedly.

**Three** : "Do you think your neighbors are watching?"

**Leon** : "Maybe. But probably not. Its late enough most of them are asleep"

**Leon** : Trott is looking at him, a half smile. Because its so rare Smith jokes, but he loves the weird humor

**Three** : Smith laughs.

**Three** : "Fucking small towns. Goodnight Trott. I'll go before your neighbors think anything sinister is going on."

**Leon** : Trott snags his arm, pulling him into a hug.

**Leon** : "I should have asked first. Is this alright?"

**Leon** : He says into Smith's leather coat that smells like cigarettes.

**Three** : "Yeah." Smith relaxes, slips an arm around Trott.

**Three** : "I only realized how short you are right this moment." He can rest his chin just about on Trott's head.

**Leon** : "Mmm" Trott is trying to make the most of the hug. He's trying to stockpile the comfort, because he feels like he can ask for it tonight, even if he won't ever again.

**Three** : Smith misses casual physical affection.

**Three** : He misses being able to hug his friends, hug Tom.

**Leon** : Trott lets go. He feels like he's past that point of okay hug time

**Leon** : "Goodnight Smith. I'll see you soon."

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Leon** : So what does Smith do for his birthday, Toms, and the fire anniversary

**Three** : I think the fire anniversary he spends alone

**Three** : I don't think he trusts himself not to be crazy

**Three** : and there's something self indulgent about shutting himself up in his apartment.

**Leon** : He wants to be alone, and be sad, and not have anyone around to pity him

**Three** : He's going to get horrendously drunk and look at pictures of tom and cry

**Three** : He probably calls Tom's mom, before he gets drunk

**Leon** : That's his thing he makes himself do. The duty to tom, before he lets himself drink

**Three** : Tom's mom probably sends him a birthday card, with some money and a note to go do something Tom would have enjoyed.

**Three** : Which is why he ends up doing something with Ross and Trott

**Three** : but yeah

**Three** : he spends Friday into Saturday drunk

**Three** : wakes up Saturday, puts on sunglasses and drives to some fast food

**Three** : takes it home, starts drinking again

**Three** : keeps telling himself he just has to make it through the weekend.

**Three** : skips the usual weekend dinner they have, the three of them

**Leon** : Trott sends him a message either late Sunday or on Monday.

**Leon** : Not asking how he is

**Leon** : that's pointless

**Leon** : "I can stop by today if you want, or you're welcome over here"

**Three** : Smith is laying on the living room floor, half heartedly watching a movie on the TV

**Three** : wonders if he has enough shame to resist asking Trott to bring over some dinner

**Three** : all he's got is bread, a lot of empty beer bottles, and a mostly empty whiskey bottle or two.

**Leon** : probably decides to ask if Trott's eaten yet, a sideways way of figuring out if he should just make himself order something before letting Trott come over or not

**Three** : Late in the day on Sunday I think

**Leon** : Trott makes dinners on the weekend.

**Leon** : Smith wonders what he cooked, and if it was good

**Leon** : Miserably thinks about how he probably doesn’t deserve to eat whatever Trott made.

**Three** : Smith half heartedly trying to clean, propping his door open. The apartment smells like smoke, because at some point he gave up on going outside.

**Three** : Hoping if he keeps the door and kitchen window open the air will circulate

**Leon** : Trott shows up carrying a bag with tupperware of the chicken he made. Smith's door is open but he knocks "Smith?"

**Three** : "Hey Trott." Smith is filling a trashbag with empty bottles, all clanking.

**Three** : He realizes he hasn't showered and probably looks like shit.

**Leon** : Still vaguely drunk?

**Three** : That weird free floating hungover but drinking to try to cure it and kind of not really sober

**Leon** : "I brought you some dinner. I had a lot of extra"

**Three** : "Oh. Thank you. Um. I don't have tea." Smith stands in front his open fridge. "I have water. And a couple beers."

**Leon** : "I'm fine Smith, stop tidying and sit down before the dinner gets cold"

**Leon** : Trott is glad Smith seems reasonably okay.

**Leon** : He was very worried about him. And Smith is clearly not okay. but he's talking. he let Trott come over.

**Three** : Smith finding a clean fork, digging hungrily into the chicken and saffron rice Trott's made.

**Three** : His scruples very flimsy in the face of real food.

**Leon** : Sitting on the sofa, his head leaning back so maybe he stops feeling quite so hazy while he chews on a really overambitious bite of chicken

**Three** : Trott knows what a three day drunk looks like enough to recognize what Smith's been up to.

**Leon** : Trott has been that three day drunk enough to know how Smith's feeling right now,

**Three** : Smith making vague appreciative noises while chewing. The TV running some action movie.

**Leon** : Trott fusses in the kitchen. Possibly washing what few dishes Smith has under the guise of washing out his tupperware

**Leon** : Sits next to Smith before he starts getting really obvious with his tidying

**Three** : Smith sniffing himself and making a face.

**Three** : "I should have showered first."

**Leon** : "You can shower now, I'll still be here when you finish"

**Leon** : Trott touches his hand, taking Smiths plate and silverware to the sink

**Leon** : He'd like to put Smith in bed and tell him to get some rest. Possibly petting his hair until he falls asleep

**Three** : Smith stumbling off to the shower, sort of hoping he might feel more sober for it.

**Leon** : Totally forgets clothes

**Leon** : Trott knocks on the door after the water has been running a few minutes

**Leon** : "Smith? I'm leaving some clean clothes outside the door"

**Three** : Smith just leaning with his head against the wall.

**Three** : "Okay," he calls out.

**Leon** : Trott settles on the couch, closes his eyes and listens to the water and the movie. Turns down the volume a bit in case Smith slips, so he'll hopefully hear it

**Three** : Smith half falling asleep in there. Thinking it is a bad idea to sleep in the shower.

**Three** : Forces himself to turn off the water.

**Three** : Just leans there, the room feeling a bit wobbly. Maybe more drunk than he realized.

**Leon** : Trott was dozing off, Smith opening the door to the bathroom wakes him up. Looks at Smith as he carefully comes back over to the couch, jeans and shirt that he'd been wearing seemingly abandoned in the bathroom. Hair a mess because he didn't bother to comb it.

**Three** : "Sorry." Smith drops onto the sofa.

**Three** : "I think I'm a little drunk still."

**Leon** : "It's okay Smith. Come here." Trott reaches out for him because its all he can really think to do. Just pull Smith over so he can lay on Trott. "You do have to sober up at some point sunshine" he says softly. He very much wants to just hold Smith to make it better. Smith like this, quiet and subdued and seemingly so sad he's gone past showing it is not something Trott likes seeing, but he really can't blame Smith.

**Three** : "I know," Smith mumbles. He doesn't even try to resist, just lets Trott pull and arrange him. At least laying on Trott, he can close his eyes without it being rude.

**Three** : "Didn't want you to see me like this."

**Leon** : "I don't mind, only that I wish you didn't feel this way." Trott settles himself in for what he thinks might be a while.

**Leon** : He didn't really have a plan when he came over here, just to make sure that Smith hadn't smacked his head on something, and was still vaguely conscious.

**Leon** : Considers calling Ross, but he's not sure if that would help Smith

**Three** : "Couldn't face it sober," Smith admits. He sighs. "Gotta go to work tomorrow."

**Leon** : "Do you have to? You can call and tell them you're sick"

**Three** : Trott's shirt is very soft, and Smith wants to rub his face on it.

**Three** : "Took Friday off already. Told myself Monday was the deadline."

**Leon** : "Okay. Whatever you need to do Smith."

**Leon** : Trott combs back Smith's wet hair, trying to tell himself he's not just being selfish for doing this, but that Smith probably needs a lot of comfort right now

**Three** : Smith snuggles himself into Trott without thinking.

**Three** : "A whole year.

**Leon** : "A lot can happen in a year, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now you've done a lot in that year Smith" Trott tightens his arms.

**Three** : "I still wake up sometimes, and think for a second he's here and nothing happened."

**Leon** : Trott nods, chin touching Smith's head so he can feel it.

**Leon** : "Brains are funny things. Especially when we sleep"

**Three** : "Thought I would try to play, but I couldn't. Got through tuning the strings and just couldn't do it."

**Three** : Smith has thought about getting rid of his guitar

**Three** : Can't bring himself to do it.

**Leon** : "But that’s further than you got before?" Trott makes it a question. He hasn't asked about the guitar, but its seemed untouched whenever he's been here

**Three** : "Yeah." Smith sounds tired and defeated. "I guess so."

**Leon** : "That’s something then. And you really don't have to do anything right now Smith. Tomorrow you'll have work. Right now don't worry about anything" Trott squeezes Smith's shoulders.

**Three** : Smith clings to him, half dozing. It just feels safe and warm.

**Three** : "I miss him so much."

**Leon** : "I know." Trott can tell Smith is tired. Hopes he'll fall asleep here. Trott wonders if he should move Smith to the bed now

**Three** : Smith slits his eyes open, sees the movie credits rolling.

**Three** : It's mostly dark

**Three** : Smith never has bothered to buy a lamp

**Three** : Usually he just leaves the kitchen light on

**Three** : Or sort of skulks around in the dark

**Three** : He's so tired, and trying to convince himself to get up and send Trott along. But he doesn't want to be alone, now that someone's there.

**Leon** : "Smith, its late. You should sleep in a bed before work"

**Leon** : Trott strokes his hair again, feeling him move a bit

**Three** : Smith makes a noise. Reluctantly sits up.

**Three** : "Sorry, Trott."

**Leon** : "Why are you apologizing Smith?"

**Three** : "Falling asleep on you the whole time you came over. No tea."

**Three** : Smith squints at his kitchen.

**Three** : "Not a very good host."

**Leon** : "You don't have to be a host Smith. I'm your friend. I don't mind"

**Three** : He nods mutely, elbows on his knees.

**Leon** : "Is there anything I can do Smith?"

**Three** : Smith desperately wants to ask him to stay a little longer.

**Three** : "I guess you have to be going, if it is late." He sounds sad.

**Leon** : "I don't have anywhere to be Smith"

**Leon** : "If you want me to stay longer I will, but I'll go home if you want to be alone"

**Three** : "I sleep on the couch a lot, because I can leave the TV on and it isn't so quiet." Smith knows Trott won't be happy to hear he's avoiding his bed.

**Leon** : "You could put the TV in the bedroom Smith."

**Three** : Smith shrugs.

**Leon** : "Do you want that? I can help you do that"

**Leon** : "Or move the bed out here. Sleeping on that couch must be murder on your back sunshine"

**Three** : "It's not so bad."

**Three** : "Pretty good for a forty dollar couch."

**Leon** : "Is the TV the only reason you're sleeping out  here?"

**Three** : Smith shakes his head.

**Leon** : "What else is it then? Is the bed not comfortable? Better sheets? I can get you black ones if that would help"

**Three** : "The bed's fine." Smith goes to shake his head, and stops. It makes the room lurch unpleasantly.

**Three** : "If anything it's too comfortable."

**Leon** : "Too comfortable?"

**Three** : "I sleep too much, and dream."

**Three** : Smith also worries about sleeping through an alarm.

**Leon** : "Smith...that's not good" Trott sighs. He knows about dreams.

**Leon** : "Have you talked to your therapist about that?"

**Three** : "Not about the dreams, no."

**Leon** : "You might want to."

**Three** : "It's not like I can control my dreams, though."

**Leon** : "Do you want to talk about them?"

**Three** : "They're all just bad, and full of smoke."

**Leon** : Trott puts an arm around Smith again

**Leon** : "Smith, you said if you sleep in the bed you'll sleep too much. How much are you even sleeping?"

**Three** : "Five, six hours." It's only a little bit of a lie. Sometimes it is less.

**Three** : Smith goes until he has to crash and sleep a solid twelve or fourteen on a weekend.

**Leon** : "That really isn't good for you. I know you know that but I'm going to say it"

**Leon** : "Don't make me come over here with rocks to help keep bad dreams away"

**Three** : "Are there rocks for that?"

**Three** : Smith sounds dubious.

**Leon** : "Psh, of course"

**Leon** : I think Trott winds up taking off a lot of his jewelry at times like this. he doesn’t want wire getting tangled in Smith's hair. He tends to only really get dressed up when he goes out.

**Three** : Smith likes his jewelry. It reminds him vaguely of people from the club scene.

**Three** : "Maybe I need a magic rock for dreams then."

**Leon** : Trott gets him some jade to wear to keep away the bad dreams.

**Three** : I like the first one a lot because of the different shades

**Three** : but I do love the links on the last one

**Leon** : I like the greyish ones

**Leon** : and then the one with the little animal charm is nice too, but the links and the greyish I think are most smith

**Three** : I want to say the links

**Three** : that's my gut feeling

**Leon** : I liked that one a lot.

**Leon** : "Jade: Fidelity, dreams, realization of potential, peace, accord, resourcefulness, accomplishment,

emotional balance, protection. Healing lore: Heart, illness, kidneys. "

**Leon** : Trott gets him this, so he can wear it.

**Leon** : he doesn’t have to really remember it

**Leon** : I think Trott gets him one with silver

**Three** : yeah

**Leon** : Smith is dubious. But whenever he wakes up from the dreams, and he's feeling disoriented, he can fidget with that, and the metal and stone is cool, and grounding.

**Three** : Smith is so embarrassed about his nightmares and weird sleep and his trouble adjusting to a life where he has to get up at 6 or so every day, so he's reluctant to talk about it

**Three** : And Trott gets is now because he's just not sober enough to stop

**Leon** : "As long as you get some rest tonight Smith, couch or bed. Either is fine."

**Leon** : Trott gets up to leave. Because if Smith is going to sleep on the couch he'd better go

**Three** : Smith stares at him, looking miserable. "I'm sorry."

**Three** : He assumes Trott is leaving because he's the jerk who sleeps on the couch.

**Leon** : "Smith, you keep saying that, why are you so sorry" Trott comes back over, runs a hand through Smith's hair

**Leon** : putting his necklace back on

**Three** : "I just keep disappointing you with how much of a fuck up I am."

**Leon** : "Smith." Trott kneels down in front of him, and puts his hands over Smith's on Smith's knees. "I'm not disappointed in you. At all. I'm very proud of you, for working so hard to keep going and not giving up."

**Three** : "But I keep doing fucked up things, like sleeping on the couch. And now you're leaving."

**Leon** : "I want you to get some rest Smith, I thought leaving would help with that. You can sleep on the couch if you need to. Something is always better than nothing, for sleep, for food." Trott looks at Smith's bowed head. Smith sounds like he's going to cry and Trott really doesn't want that "Do you need me to stay? I can make sure you get up in the morning for work, so you don't have to worry"

**Three** : "If I sleep on the bed, will you stay just a little bit? until I fall asleep?" Smith forces himself to ask.

**Leon** : "Of course." Trott says, relieved. Its something, to have a concrete thing to do for Smith. "Do you want me to stay out here and just be around, or come sit on the bed with you?

**Three** : "Sit with me?" Smith winces at how needy that sounds. "So it doesn't feel so quiet."

**Leon** : Trott nods, and stands back up

**Three** : Smith wobbles a bit, standing. He feels dreadfully, terribly tired. Stumbles into the bedroom. At some point Ross acquired a small night stand for him, but he's never really done much else with the room.

**Three** : Tom's blanket still folded up with his pillows

**Three** : Smith's guitar lives in here most of the time.

**Three** : His clothes hang in the closet

**Leon** : Trott lets him settle on the bed

**Leon** : Standing and looking at the still nearly empty room. Only barely more in it than this time last year

**Three** : Smith awkwardly half way into peeling off his jeans before realizing.

**Three** : "Um."

**Leon** : "I can leave if you need to change, sorry"

**Three** : "I'm just going to sleep in my boxers." Smith hastily yanking his clothes off and crawling under the comforter.

**Leon** : Trott takes off his socks, and pulls off the brightly colored overshirt. I imagine he wears a lot of tank tops beneath his shirts. And I still like him with the idea of tattoos

**Leon** : settles on the side of the bed Smith isn’t on, wondering if its okay for him to stick his legs under the covers

**Three** : "Is this weird? Sorry." Smith scrunches up his face.

**Three** : "I've forgotten how to just be normal with anyone. And I guess Tom and I weren't really normal to start with."

**Leon** : "No Smith, its not weird" Trott's trying to give up a lot of his apprehensions, and he strokes Smith's hair. Smith curled up in Tom's comforter makes him feel very protective

**Three** : "I have two pillows. Don't know why. You can have one."

**Leon** : "Thank you. Very generous."

**Leon** : "What do you mean when you say Tom and you weren't normal?"

**Leon** : Trott settles down, more laying than sitting with Smith at this point.

**Leon** : Hopes if he can get Smith to ramble, maybe it will help

**Three** : "I don't know. I guess we were just really close. Up in each other's business a lot. That's why people thought we were dating. You're not supposed to be so touchy with your friends apparently."

**Three** : Smith tries to curl himself up. Has a moment of wondering about Trott's thoughts, tries to let it go.

**Leon** : "I' sorry Smith, if how hard touch is for me makes you feel like its not okay to be like that."

**Leon** : "You can do whatever you want to, as long as everyone involved is happy. And it sounds like you both were"

**Leon** : Trott watches Smith burrow further into the comforter, pulling it tighter around himself. Wonders if Smith would feel safer being held. It always made him feel trapped, and the nervous kick is still there so often, when people hug him. But Smith seems to really need that, and like it.

**Three** : "No, it's not that. It's fine, how you are. I am still trying to remember how to people."

**Three** : "I was just really comfortable with him. It was easy."

**Leon** : "Is this not? Is there anything I can do to make it easier?"

**Three** : "No I mean. It's okay. I meant, we spent so long living together I sort of forgot what it was like not to. It was almost ten years."

**Leon** : "That makes a lot of sense." Smith still sounds miserable to Trott. "I'm sorry. I'm not helping you sleep."

**Leon** : Trott turns onto his back and stares at the ceiling, folds his hands on his stomach

**Three** : "Trott, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

**Three** : Smith wishes he could go back to laying on the couch, with Trott combing fingers through his hair.

**Leon** : "I don't want to push your boundaries or mine Smith. I know pretty well where mine lie. But I guess I'm not sure what you want right now." Trott says. turning his head to look at Smith's face, his nose and eyes almost hidden between his hair and the comforter

**Three** : "I'm not trying to hit on you, or anything. I just thought. I don't know. I thought it would be easier to sleep if you were still here. But if this is weird, then just say so. You don't have to sit here."

**Leon** : "Smith I'm perfectly alright being here with you. Just so we're clear, do you want me to go once you fall asleep?"

**Three** : "I know you've got work tomorrow too. I can't keep you."

**Leon** : "Okay Smith. Just let me know if you want something okay?"

**Leon** : Trott sits up more. He'll fall asleep otherwise

**Three** : "I would ask you to stay, but I don't want it to be weird and for you to feel like you have to. Because you don't want to be touched or in a relationship and maybe staying over and sleeping here would be weird and fucked up and make you feel bad." Smith talks so fast he's almost stumbling over his words.

**Leon** : Trott's heart hurts. He's screaming at himself internally about how this is the type of thing he knows better than to let happen, that Smith wouldn't be so confused and worried about all this if he wasn't so broken. "

**Leon** : "Smith, if you want me to stay I will. I go in to work later than you do, its fine."

**Leon** : Trott isn't really sure how to make Smith reassured, about all this

**Leon** : "Smith, I won't feel bad. And I know you wouldn't ask me for something, and not accept a no from me if I couldn't do it."

**Three** : Smith rolls over on his face for a moment, trying to calm himself down.

**Three** : His voice is muffled by the pillow.

**Three** : "You could stay. But if you want to leave, that's fine too. Whatever is okay."

**Leon** : "I'll stay here then. I'm already comfortable." Trott can tell Smith is a bit desperate to ask this without directly asking.

**Leon** : "I like being around you Smith. I like- laying on your couch with you. Not that you're sad, but that's an okay thing for me to do."

**Three** : Smith wants to put his head into Trott's shoulder. But he leaves a careful space between them while he shifts off the comforter that is on the bed.

**Three** : "You can have your own blanket, even."

**Three** : "And a pillow."

**Leon** : "Luxury."

**Three** : "It's like being in a really shit hotel."

**Leon** : "If I stay here more often, is there a rewards program?"

**Leon** : Trott turns onto his side. Facing Smith, even though he normally lays the other direction

**Leon** : "Is the reward that you sleep in a bed?"

**Three** : "Toast," Smith says after a moment. "Free breakfast. But it is just toast."

**Leon** : "Hmm, have to bring you some honey then"

**Three** : "No tea. Only coffee."

**Three** : Smith yawns.

**Leon** : "what kind of establishment is this?"

**Leon** : Trott watches Smith, smiling slightly and feeling very fond of him

**Three** : "It's a tax dodge," Smith mumbles. "Supposed to lose money. Utter shithole of a hotel really. You shouldn't stay."

**Leon** : "But the manager is so charming"

**Leon** : Trott reaches out to pet Smith's hair again

**Leon** : Trott hopes that when Smith sleeps, he'll stay asleep

**Three** : "They only hired him cause he was pretty."

**Three** : Smith closes his eyes, relaxing.

**Leon** : "I think he does a good job."

**Three** : With Trott here, he's not worrying about the panic or the weird thoughts that come whenever he lays down. It's incredibly selfish but he craves the contact and Trott's presence as a distraction.

**Three** : "He's terrible," Smith yawns. "Can't believe they haven't fired him yet."

**Leon** : "But its just him working, all by himself. And he's still managing to do a good job. I think he probably deserves a raise." Trott slides an arm under Smith's neck. It makes his stomach lurch, but he tells himself that he's going to hold Smith, and that this will be fine, and that it doesn't come with strings.

**Leon** : Tucks Smith against him.

**Leon** : Trott likes the secure feeling, of holding Smith. Like he can ward off the awful things himself

**Leon** : Trott has a fleeting thought, of what Ross would think of this. And how lonely Ross might be, right now.

**Leon** : Trott can picture Ross' happy but mournful face. Glad to see that they're both letting down some barriers. But Trott doesn’t want to shut Ross out, at all.

**Leon** : It doesn’t sit well with him, that thought. But he puts it aside to deal with tomorrow,

**Three** : "That's why the breakfast is so bad. And the housekeeping." Smith lets Trott hold him, curls up beside him. He's drifting fast.

**Three** : Smith falls asleep almost between one word and the next.

**Leon** : Trott feels Smith's leg jerk

**Leon** : He keeps stroking Smith's hair, breathing steadily and keeping time with his hand's movement


	13. Chapter 13

**Three** : speaking of hippies and that rock magic, please tell me Trott gets smith some hippie rock magic to help his bad dreams

**Leon** : Yes that’s the jade bracelet

**Leon** : So he can wear it all the time

**Three** : I was thinking about them, and that Smith is embarrassed as fuck that Trott ended up staying the night and waking him in the morning to make sure he went to work. but that seeing him later in the week, it was almost a relief because Trott didn't act weird about it.

**Three** : maybe it eases things with them a bit

**Three** : I can also imagine Ross' raised eyebrows at the bracelet and Smith's embarrassed, challenging "What?" to his look.

**Leon** : It does. There’s now an established comfort.

**Leon** : "Next thing I know you’ll be wearing more colors than Trott"

**Three** : "Yeah right." Smith shaking his head.

**Leon** : I think Smith would get defensive and say Trott gave it to him because Trott thinks it’ll help with his bad dreams

**Leon** : "The greens nice. It suits you. Brings out your eyes"

**Three** : Smith looking at him, a half smile. Wondering if that's Ross' opening flirtation.

**Three** : "I guess one color is enough."

**Leon** : "Maybe he'll knit you a green hat or scarf to match"

**Three** : Ross has a striped scarf Trott knitted him.

**Leon** : "I'm glad you both have been talking more. I was worried about you"

**Leon** : Consider that Smith has offered to bring the mail to the farm for them. Every couple days. Ross is tinkering with his truck while smith sits on some milk crates and they talk a bit.

**Three** : Smith brings it when he gets off work in the afternoon. Sometimes he'll stay long enough to eat with Ross, an early dinner.

**Three** : "It is better. I think. I hope."

**Leon** : "That's good. What sparked the turn around?" Ross glances over at him. Thinks to himself he's picking up too many of Trott’s nosy habits

**Leon** : But Smith wearing the bracelet seems significant to him, and he can tell both their moods have shifted

**Leon** : Whenever the other is brought up in conversation they don’t shut down like the used to

**Three** : "I fell asleep on him," Smith says. He wonders how to explain.

**Three** : "Two weeks ago, when it was a year since. I spent most of the weekend drunk in my apartment. Trott came by, I guess to make sure I wasn't dead."

**Leon** : Ross nods. He knew Trott was going to check on Smith "You fell asleep on him?" Ross isn’t exactly surprised. But he’s curious about how that happened, and maybe a bit sad and jealous, though he’s not sure who he’s more jealous of

**Three** : "I was still sort of drunk, Sunday night. Drunk enough to tell him I wasn't sleeping well and having bad dreams. All but begged him to stay at least until I fell asleep." Smith shifts the bracelet on his wrist.

**Leon** : "And so he did. Did it help?" Ross keeps his voice even, but he stops working, watching Smith stare at the ground and fidget

**Three** : "It did," Smith nods. "I was worried, later when I got over the hangover, that it would be weird. That he'd stay away. But it seems okay? I'd forgotten... it was nice just to have someone there."

**Leon** : "He spent the night?" Ross is wondering how Trott is doing. If he’s actually okay or just hiding it because he thinks Smith needs him

**Three** : "Yeah." Smith looks at Ross, the faintest frown lines on his face. "I know. Look, I know it was kind of a dick move to ask him to. But I didn't hit on him or anything."

**Leon** : Ross puts up his hands "Smith, even if you did hit on him, I'm glad. I’m glad that helped, that you guys did that. And that  you asked because god knows Trott isn’t going to. He wants you to figure out what you want and need. So do I. Trust him to know his limits" Ross winces internally, knowing he should take that to heart himself. He'll still check.

**Three** : "I won't hit on him," Smith says quietly. "You're hoping that maybe something will happen, for the two of you, aren't you? Since he told us about everything." For all that he was wrapped up in his own pain, Smith sort of put the pieces together.

**Three** : "I mean, I just kind of assumed. That something was there."

**Leon** : Ross just stares for a second. "Smith, I don't think he's interested. And I can hope, but right now he needs me as a friend, and if he's comfortable enough with you to not only let you near him enough to fall asleep on him, but also stay the night, that's a lot. I've known him years and I can count on my hands the times I've hugged him for more than a second or two." Ross resents that he's that obvious. He wishes he'd kept his feelings down better.

**Leon** : He turns back to the truck, wanting to cover how shaken that made him. "Smith, I don't have any right to tell you not to pursue Trott because I've had long seated feelings for him. If you guys want to date or whatever, I'd be happy for you both. Honestly."

**Three** : Smith feels awful, as if he's traded one failing as a friend for another.

**Three** : He sits silently, chewing the inside of his cheek while Ross works.

**Leon** : Ross looks at him after a while, as the silence stretches. "Fuck, Smith. Why do you look so sad?  It's fine. Really."

**Leon** : Ross stops working, closing the hood of the truck and wiping his hands on his jeans.

**Three** : "I don't want to be a shitty friend," Smith says glumly. "I feel like I just waltzed in and took something off a shelf that you've been waiting for."

**Leon** : "First of all, that's really not how that works"

**Leon** : "Second, Trott’s a person and whatever he does I'll support him, if its helping him be happy."

**Leon** : Ross sighs. He's always sort of considered Trott as never wanting to pursue a relationship. And he'd hoped when Trott started to deal with this that maybe things would change, but he's used to living with a relationship with Trott not ever being an option

**Leon** : "You're not a shitty friend for having feelings for Trott. I mean who am I to judge? He's fantastic." Ross smiles, trying to make Smith not look like he's closing in on himself again

**Three** : "I don't know what my feelings are. Except that everything I do seems to not go right somehow. And that I'm just lonely. I don't even want to date anyone so much as just. Not be alone all the time. I've never lived alone until I got here." Smith hates how sad he sounds.

**Three** : "You let me fall asleep on you once, too. Back in the winter."

**Leon** : Ross nods. "Yeah, I did."

**Leon** : "Not wanting to be alone is normal." Ross spins a screwdriver in his hand. "You'll figure out what you want smith. Just don’t let something go because you think I'll be upset" he points the screwdriver at Smith

**Three** : "Don't you get lonely out here?" Smith looks outside. "Or does Shiloh talk when no one else is around?"

**Leon** : "I have her. The cows. I get lonely,  but I’m used to it now"

**Three** : Smith looks pained.

**Three** : Thinks about all the nights he's sat on the floor in his apartment, wishing it was different.

**Three** : He wants to ask Ross what he wishes for in the middle of the night, but thinks it might be pushing too hard. Ross is quite reticent on the subject of what he really wants.

**Leon** : Ross sighs again. "Come upstairs Smith. You look so unhappy, lets have dinner and talk about something better yeah?"

**Three** : Smith nods, standing up. He doesn't want Ross to be lonely, and as bad as he feels about the thing with Trott, it would be worse to just go home.

**Leon** : Ross looks sideways at him "Don't pity me Smith. My life is comfortable and good."

**Three** : "I'm not," Smith protests. "I just want you to be happy."

**Three** : I think Smith very keenly feels the difference in small town life where things are less open. There's not outright hostility. But it's different than being in the city. Maybe just how many people there are. He finds himself wondering if there's any hidden community here. Wonders where people go to meet.

**Leon** : "I’m happy Smith. Things are okay" Ross doesn’t know much but this.

**Three** : Smith bumps Ross' shoulder with his own.

**Leon** : He's got some lasagna I  the oven. Good to share with Smith for dinner

**Leon** : "Smith, why are you trying to knock me.off.my stairs?" Ross says when Smith bumps his shoulder

**Three** : "I am not," Smith protests. He smiles a little.

**Three** : "Besides, there are railings. You're fine."

**Leon** : Ross smiles at him. Figures he’s doomed either way, because Smith is sweet and he's fallen for him a bit too.

**Three** : Smith likes that Ross is about the same height he is. He has a momentary flash of thinking it would be so easy to lean over and kiss him.

**Three** : "You should come over sometime, I'll get a pizza and we can play racing games."

**Leon** : "That sounds good. I’ll tell the cows I need a night off"

**Three** : "IS there one cow who handles these requests, or do they decide by committee?"

  
  
  


**Three** : Please imagine how hippie Trott teases Ross, invites him over for very healthy vegetarian curry or something

**Three** : mock judges Ross for his love of cheap mass produced sweets

**Leon** : Ross loves candy

**Leon** : has a stash at home

**Leon** : He and Smith have movie nights, and eat candy.

**Leon** : Trott has healthy popcorn

**Three** : oh yes

**Leon** : but occasionally takes some mms too

**Three** : Smith will get the bag of individual wrapped reeses cups for Ross

**Three** : Ross can put away most of the bag in a movie

**Leon** : Ross with a little ball of the foil wrappers that he keeps adding to

**Three** : Smith likes Twix

**Three** : and goldfish crackers

**Leon** : Trott's weakness is junior mints

**Leon** : or any chocolate mint combo

**Three** : Ross and Smith arguing over whether movies are actually scary or not

**Leon** : Trott has weird taste in movies.

**Three** : Ross likes scary movies, because of the potential for huddling together

**Leon** : Trott is not a huddler.

**Leon** : Trott just eats his popcorn and lets the scary happen

**Three** : Smith denies he is scared, while watching half over Ross' shoulder

**Three** : Smith likes crime movies and war dramas

**Leon** : Ross also likes action movies.

**Leon** : And dog movies.

**Three** : Trott likes nature documentaries

**Three** : and weird indie film

**Three** : he is resigned to putting up with smith and Ross' combined inferior tastes in movies

**Leon** : Trott secretly enjoys watching Smith get scared at silly movies

**Leon** : Smith jumps at every jump scare

**Three** : Ross likes to look at him sideways

**Three** : but he doesn't say anything when Smith clings close

**Leon** : late night movie marathons

**Leon** : Smith falling asleep on Ross

**Three** : Tells himself he won't, but always does

**Three** : Ross is just so comfortable and very willing to let him lean on him.

**Three** : Smith likes to stretch so his feet hang off the end of the couch, and put his head on Ross' leg

**Leon** : Smith is the worst with "I’ll just close my eyes for a second"

**Three** : Ross thinks he's a good substitute for Shiloh in a pinch

**Leon** : Shiloh looks at him forlorn from the floor

**Three** : The hilarious day when she hops on the couch to squish against Smith

**Leon** : Smith's surprise

**Leon** : "She's jealous because neither of  us  are petting  her.  And that's usually her spot"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut in this one, finally.

**Three** : would you like to talk about crystal hippie Trott and farm boy Ross and goth smith?

 **Leon** : Yeah, that would be nice

 **Three** : So Smith has his awful weekend. But it gets better from that dark place. He's reluctant to try to do anything for his birthday, but Ross takes him somewhere for cake and ice cream.

 **Three** : Trott encourages the two of them to do stuff together.

 **Three** : Invents excuses sometimes why he can't go somewhere.

 **Three** : Ross gives him such a side eye, but lets him slide. Only because Ross goes to see Trott and makes sure he's going to see his counselor

 **Three** : I think Ross and Smith have this attraction, and they're not sure too much what to do about it

 **Three** : But both of them find the company a relief in some ways, because it fills a craving. Ross is unexpectedly funny and sly in ways Smith does not expect.

 **Three** : Smith will lean on him and let Ross hug him as much as he likes.

 **Three** : I think they talk too, about Trott, and that puzzle, trying to figure out how to do better for him, and their own mess of feelings.

 **Leon** : Smith is endlessly frustrated and sad because Trott still won't really let either of them try to help him. And it feels like they're getting somewhere, and Trott shuts them off again. He stayed the night with Smith but hasn't since, and encourages Smith and Ross to do things together without him

 **Three** : So I think Tom's birthday was at the end of July

 **Three** : and Smith asks the two of them to come with him, go camp overnight somewhere nearby

 **Three** : just one night, he knows they both have lives and things to do

 **Leon** : Do they both go? I think Trott wouldn’t feel like he could say no, not that he'd really want to in the first place. But Smith /asked for the both of them to go

 **Three** : I think they do

 **Three** : I think Smith quietly asking, and his explanation does it

 **Three** : Ross is that "of course" sort of friend who always says yes when people need things, and Smith seems to really need this

 **Three** : plus it has been ages since he's been away and he could use a day off

 **Leon** : And Shiloh loves camping. All sorts of new smells and things to chase

 **Three** : oh yes

 **Leon** : Trott waits for a moment. He doesn't answer right away, as much as he really wants to go. He's also a bit unhappy he can’t say no, because Ross and Smith going on a trip together would be good he thinks

 **Three** : Smith pleads, because surely Trott likes the outdoors, right?

 **Leon** : "I'll come Smith, where are you thinking of going?"

 **Three** : "Ross said there's a lake not too far from here that's nice."

 **Leon** : "That sounds lovely."

 **Leon** : "You're sure you wouldn't just rather go with Ross?"

 **Three** : "It would mean a lot to me if you came, Trott. Because you've been my friend through all this. Tom and I used to go camping, and it would have been his birthday, and I... well. I wanted to spend it with my friends."

 **Leon** : Trott nods. Not sure how to deal with that, because its one thing to have done it and another to have Smith say it.

 **Leon** : "I'll come Smith, I'd be glad to"

 **Three** : Smith's relieved, happy smile. He pokes Trott's hand on the table.

 **Leon** : Trott makes a face at him, pokes his hand back

 **Three** : "Great. I'll even get some not completely terrible junk food for you Trott."

 **Leon** : "You're too kind." Trott probably brings the materials for smores

 **Three** : Ross brings sausages, big summer tomatoes, and beer.

 **Three** : Smith buys the fancy cashews Trott likes, and three kinds of chips.

 **Leon** : Sitting around a fire, Smith leaning on Ross. Smith is a criminal "just hold the marshmallow in the flame until it lights on fire" person

 **Leon** : Do they have a tent? or is this one of those places you can rent a little cabin

 **Three** : Maybe a little cabin

 **Three** : Something simple

 **Three** : Ross knows someone who has a little summer escape place that they rent out on the cheap

 **Three** : has a little porch that looks out at the lake, not too far from the water

 **Leon** : some fishing poles they’ve been told they are free to use

 **Leon** : a dock that they can go swimming off of, and a canoe pulled up near it.

 **Three** : Smith loves his on fire marshmallows

 **Leon** : Ross tries to make his nice and golden brown, but usually fails at it

 **Leon** : Trott is constantly in pursuit of the perfect marshmallow and has it down to a science

 **Three** : Ross loves smores.

 **Leon** : Ross eats lots of smores and marshmallows

 **Leon** : Even Smith is impressed.

 **Three** : Smith is amazed by how much sugar Ross can consume

 **Three** : Smith's brought a bottle of nice whiskey, something Tom liked to drink. Tells funny stories about when he and Tom went camping. It's the most he's talked about Tom ever to them.

 **Leon** : Some of the tall tales Tom used to tell

 **Three** : Tom's penchant for terrible urban legend ghost stories, and for skinny dipping

 **Three** : the time they listened to some couple across a lake have sex really loudly

 **Leon** : After they've had a bit to drink, Smith suggests they should go skinny dipping.

 **Leon** : because how better to honor toms memory than being drunk and trying to be quiet so as not draw attention while naked in a lake.

 **Three** : Ross laughs

 **Three** : Looks at Trott and raises his eyebrows

 **Leon** : Trott starts walking towards the lake, pulling off his layered shirts

 **Leon** : "You both will plead with me until I give in, so come on"

 **Three** : Smith is gleeful, and chases after Trott

 **Three** : Ross looks at Shiloh

 **Three** : "Don't you go barking now."

 **Leon** : Shiloh is mostly asleep. She's been chasing too many squirrels.

 **Three** : Ross has to squash the very indecent thoughts he has.

 **Leon** : Trott brings his drink with him, leaves it on the dock. the water is about waist deep at the end, and gradually gets deeper

 **Leon** : Trott standing in the water turning around and covering his eyes while Smith strips on the dock

 **Three** : Ross carries a couple beers, because Smith forgot his in his haste

 **Three** : "Trott you're going to miss it. Smith's whiter than anything." Ross laughing, pulling off his shirt.

 **Leon** : "I'll be fine thanks." Trott takes a drink, glancing over his shoulder before turning back to look at the other shoreline. its fairly light out, a bit of a moon. He feels like if he looks he's taking advantage.

 **Leon** : "Not as white as you you prick." Smith mock shoves Ross, who shoves him back for real, pushing him off the end of the dock.

 **Three** : Ross laughs hard at Smith's surprised noise and the splash.

 **Three** : "Trott, he pushed me off the dock!"

 **Leon** : "Yeah, I could tell by the fact that I now have lake water in my beer"

 **Leon** : Trott looking down at Smith, who's crouched in the water. curls sticking to his forehead

 **Three** : "You are always saying it is important to eat all natural things Trott. I probably improved it for you." Ross cracking open a new beer.

 **Leon** : Trott looks over to the dock, then away because Ross is just standing naked with his beer

 **Leon** : "Natural and giardia are two very different things Ross Hornby"

 **Three** : Smith whistles at Ross.

 **Leon** : Ross flips him off, taking a long drink.

 **Leon** : Ross hops in off the end of the dock, much less splashing than Smith.

 **Leon** : Smith splashes water at him and Ross does it back. Trott watches this with amusement. Half wishing he'd looked more, and half just enjoying what he can see of them now

 **Three** : He can see how genuinely happy Smith looks, thinks it is a nice look on him.

 **Three** : Smith slinking over to splash at Trott.

 **Leon** : "Didn't think this would be how I got to see you naked Trott" Smith grins lopsidedly

 **Three** : "How much time do you spend thinking about Trott naked?" Ross teases.

 **Three** : "About as much as you do," Smith shoots back.

 **Three** : Ross is glad Trott can't see how red he is in the moonlight

 **Leon** : I think Trott has something like that, only more down his side

 **Three** : "Trott!" Smith's indignant. "You never said you had a tattoo!"

 **Leon** : "You both are insufferable. You don't just spend time thinking about each other naked?"

 **Three** : "I think about everyone naked," Smith says.

 **Leon** : "what, you never noticed it? Or just didn’t think it was so big?" Trott's sure Smith should have seen it, with the times he's wandered around his apartment in a tank top

 **Leon** : "Of course you do" Ross says under his breath

 **Three** : "I didn't think it went so far down..." Smith reaches out to touch the lines on Trott's ribs. "That must have hurt.

 **Leon** : Trott lets him, moving his arm so smith can see it better "Well, it was a tattoo so yeah"

 **Three** : "It's nice."

 **Leon** : "Thanks" Trott doesn’t really know what to say. And the focused attention is a bit unnerving

 **Leon** : "I have a few others." Turns so smith can see on his opposite shoulder "And on my legs"

 **Three** : Smith makes lots of appreciative noises, tracing the lines of the tattoo on his shoulder.

 **Three** : "Smith, stop molesting the poor man." Ross picks his beer up off the dock.

 **Leon** : Trott shivers, getting goosebumps from Smith's hand on his wet skin. Tells himself he could excuse it on the cold water

 **Three** : "You're so pretty," Smith sighs. He reluctantly lets his hand drop, and sinks into the water.

 **Leon** : "you're full of shit Smith"

 **Three** : "Am not!"

 **Leon** : "you are, I am definitely not pretty"

 **Three** : "But you are," Smith says stubbornly. "Always colorful. And covered in tattoos! How is that not pretty?"

 **Leon** : Trott runs a hand over his ribs on the side with the tattoo, shrugs. (I've been considering that at some point Lewis knocked the electric kettle off the counter, and Trott got burned, or he shoved him against something and there was something sticking out of it. A chain link fence, or the wall and there was a nail sticking out. Trott winds up with a scar, maybe not big but he hated seeing that, so he covered it with tattoos)

 **Leon** : "Take that all away and I'm just me Smith. You and Ross are the pretty ones."

 **Three** : Ross snorts.

 **Three** : "Smith maybe."

 **Three** : Smith looks back and forth between them.

 **Three** : "You both think I'm pretty?" he grins.

 **Leon** : speaking of camps, my parents went to visit their friends in new york.

 **Leon** : "Yes Smith, you're very pretty. don’t let it go to your head"

 **Leon** : Trott splashes him

 **Three** : Ross joins in splashing Smith, who flails

 **Three** : "Now I have lake in my beer," Ross announces mournfully.

 **Leon** : "We'll all get beaver fever and die now" Trott says dramatically

 **Three** : "Fuck. How long do we have before the end?"

 **Leon** : "Minutes. Maybe hours"

 **Leon** : Trott is bullshitting sarcastically. You can go on antibiotics and be fine.

 **Three** : "Well, if we're gonna die we might as well get down to it. I want to die happy."

 **Three** : Ross grabs Trott and kisses the top of his head.

 **Three** : "Wait is beaver fever a real thing?" Smith asks.

 **Leon** : "Yes Smith, its a parasite. But its fine, Ross, stop please."

 **Leon** : Trott is hyper aware of how very naked he an Ross both are

 **Three** : Ross makes a mournful sound.

 **Three** : Trott's warm and Ross just kind of wants to fully hug him.

 **Three** : "Ross, why did you bring me to a lake full of parasites?" Smith grumbles.

 **Three** : "Also why is no one hugging me, if I'm so pretty?"

 **Leon** : Trott looks at the two of them. "I'm going to head back up and dry off. Take your time though," he almost doesn’t want to believe that this isn’t just Smith and Ross being ridiculous and a bit drunk.

 **Leon** : "Make sure Smith doesn’t get left out of the hugs Ross"

 **Three** : "Trott, don't leave me in the parasite lake!" Smith splashes about.

 **Three** : "Come on, you bastard." Ross tugs Smith into a hug.

 **Leon** : Trott smiles at them, pulling on his pants even though he's soaking wet

 **Leon** : He heads back up to the camp, dumps water on the fire and gathers up the left out food and bottles. dries himself off and puts on a clean t-shirt and his pajamas. He doesn’t want to sit outside, and have the temptation to look down at the lake.

 **Three** : "Come on, you're drunk and I can't leave you out here." Ross tugs Smith along gently. Smith's got his head on Ross' shoulder and has plastered himself to Ross.

 **Three** : Ross kisses his cheek.

 **Leon** : "No, lets stay like this for a bit"

 **Leon** : "Please?" Smith nuzzles his face into Ross' neck

 **Three** : "Alright." Ross wraps his arms around Smith and holds them up, staring out at the lake and the moonlight. Smith's very warm and wet. It's a little strange to think this is the first time they've been naked together. They've kissed a couple times, but haven't really gone for more than that.

 **Leon** : "Do you think Trott's mad at us?" Smith says, resigned and without any of his playful whining

 **Three** : "No, I just think he's still shy." Ross rubs a hand on Smith's back. "It's not easy to get over being hurt so bad."

 **Leon** : "I just don't understand why he keeps telling himself we don't want him around. Or don't like him"

 **Leon** : "Even if he can't do hugs and stuff, why he seems so convinced that we're better off without him"

 **Leon** : Smith and Ross have both established they have feelings for Trott, They'd spoken about it, and then again when they started whatever tentative relationship they have

 **Three** : "Me either," Ross sighs. "Maybe you should talk to him about what your counselor said."

 **Three** : Smith's therapist probably told him it was alright to love more than one person, that life had room for all kinds of relationships, and gave him a book about healthy poly.

 **Leon** : "Maybe. We should probably both talk to him." Smith pulls away a bit, leaving his hands on Ross' hips

 **Leon** : "Do you think he's gone to bed?" Smith looks up to the camp. There’s a light on, but they can't see Trott

 **Three** : "We can go see." Ross leans forward and kisses Smith. Just a gentle kiss.

 **Three** : He can't resist the urge. He's standing in a lake, under the moon.

 **Leon** : Smith makes happy noises. bringing a hand up to comb through Ross' hair

 **Three** : "It will probably go a little easier with clothes."

 **Leon** : Smith sighs. "Yeah. Probably."

 **Leon** : "We can be naked again later though. If you want" Smith raises his eyebrows

 **Three** : Ross smiles. He's been looking forward to this night for ages.

 **Three** : "Maybe so."

 **Leon** : Smith grins, and tugs Ross by the hand towards the dock

 **Three** : Ross bemoans the lack of towel, and they trudge back up to the little cabin half dressed.

 **Leon** : The camp is quiet when they go up. Trott’s laying on the couch, reading. He's set some towels by the door for them.

 **Leon** : "All done?" He looks up from the magazine. National Geographic or something, and old issue but one he never read. The cover has a t-rex skull on it

 **Three** : "Towels!" Ross grins. "Thanks Trott."

 **Three** : Smith goes to shower and change.

 **Three** : Ross roots around for another bite of chocolate.

 **Leon** : "chocolate is on the counter. I put everything in the graham cracker box" Trott smiles at Ross.

 **Three** : Ross laughs, grabs the box.

 **Three** : "Sorry if all the nudity was too much," Ross says, between bites. "Though I always expect you to be the sort of hippie into nudity."

 **Leon** : "Its fine. Its not a big deal." Trott sets the magazine down on his chest "I didn't want to make either of you feel uncomfortable, I know you and Smith have something. I guess I didn't want you to feel awkward. Like I was staring"

 **Three** : "I think Smith would probably like it if you did stare," Ross says as nonchalantly as he can. "And it doesn't bother me."

 **Leon** : "Doesn't bother you that I'd like to stare at Smith, or that I'd also like to stare at you"

 **Leon** : Trott say back, trying to mirror Ross' tone

 **Three** : "If you'd like to Trott, you're more than welcome."

 **Leon** : "Welcome as in you don't mind that I apparently can’t keep my feelings under wraps, or welcome because you want me to?" Trott says, quiet and still not looking at Ross

 **Three** : "Welcome because we both want you to," Ross says, rolling chocolate bar wrappers up in his hand.

 **Leon** : Trott takes a deep breath, sighs. "Fuck" he says, covering his face with a hand.

 **Three** : "Trott, you know I've never tried to push you into anything you didn't want. I just figured you should know, that if you did want, the option is there." Ross talks quietly, carefully.

 **Three** : "And it doesn't have to be right away or all at once. Just think about it maybe."

 **Three** : Ross hears the shower click off, Smith's muffled singing to himself.

 **Three** : "I'm gonna take a shower. Smith's probably going to fumble through saying the same thing." Ross touches Trott's shoulder in passing.

 **Leon** : Trott grabs his hand, looking up at Ross for a second before pressing his cheek into Ross' palm. Lets go as Smith comes back into the room. "I can want all I like Ross, but I don't know if I /can"

 **Three** : "We can always try." Ross' heart aches at the look on Trott's face.

 **Three** : "Try what?" Smith asks, flopping down in his worn out jogging pants and a faded band t-shirt.

 **Three** : "Keep Trott company while I take a shower, I smell like the lake."

 **Leon** : "What are we trying? Trott?"

 **Three** : Trott watches Ross disappear into the bathroom.

 **Three** : "Ross has some ideas in his head."

 **Three** : He looks at Smith.

 **Leon** : "He does that yeah. Did he talk about, uhm, the three of us? " Smith isn't sure how to say this without saying it, in case Ross was talking about something totally different

 **Three** : Trott nods, and rubs at his face. He feels a bit overwhelmed by the glittering possibility Ross held out as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world. Trott's scared of it.

 **Leon** : "Is there something wrong? About that?" Smith worries that maybe he and Ross totally misread this, Trott isn’t interested.

 **Leon** : Smith reaches out and touches Trott's shoulder. He's sitting up now that there’s no real possibility of reading

 **Three** : "No, sunshine, it's just a lot to take in. I very specifically haven't considered allowing myself to go there in a long time."

 **Three** : Smith's worried face kills him.

 **Leon** : "Then we'll do whatever you need Trott. I don't really care if you don't want us to hug and kiss you, or have sex. I'd obviously like those things but I don't want to do anything that'll hurt you. Or remind you of being hurt"

 **Leon** : Smith desperately wants to hug Trott, because he looks so sad about this when this should be a happy thing

 **Three** : "I can understand it some coming from you, but when did Ross become this relaxed about doing something like this?" Trott says, half amused and half despairing. He can't run away from the question.

 **Leon** : "We talked- I talked to my therapist some first, then to him. and I guess it just made sense. Just because he's been kinda in love with you all this time didn't change him wanting to be with me. So why should the reverse? What's there to say its wrong, if everyone wants that."

 **Three** : "What indeed." Trott takes a deep breath, and tries to steady the wobbly feeling in himself with some careful breathing.

 **Three** : He'd known about Ross' feelings and tried to sidestep them all the while.

 **Three** : Trott feels bad about that.

 **Three** : "I just don't know if I. I don't know, Smith."

 **Leon** : "That's okay Trott. We're not going anywhere. And if you want to do some things, we'll be careful, and stop if we need to." Smith rubs Trott's back, hoping the small contact isn't upsetting, and helps.

 **Three** : Trott closes his eyes. Smith's hand feels nice. He wants so much to just trust this is going to work out, even if he doesn't know how. He feels like he's standing on a bridge, ready to jump into a river.

 **Leon** : "Trott can I hug you?" Smith says softly. He wants to pull Trott against his chest and lay on the couch, like Trott’s done for him before.

 **Three** : Trott nods, wordless. He lets Smith pull him into a hug, Smith's chin on top of his head. His t-shirt is tissue thin and soft as silk, probably washed a thousand times.

 **Leon** : Smith wants to tell Trott it's all going to be okay. They can figure things out. He kisses Trott's head gently holding him tight

 **Three** : Ross comes out, just wearing his pajama pants. His shoulders are broad, with scattered freckles. His lips quirk into a smile at the sight of Smith and Trott.

 **Leon** : He crouches beside them, one hand on Trott's side reaching to stroke Smith's hair

 **Leon** : "everything okay?" He says quietly.

 **Three** : "Everything except that this couch is too small." Smith wants Ross to cuddle with them.

 **Leon** : "the bed is bigger" Ross says, looking at Trott questioningly

 **Three** : Trott reminds himself over and over that this is safe.

 **Three** : "I guess that sounds better than sitting on the floor." There's a rug, but it isn't very soft.

 **Leon** : "and warmer too" Smith rests his cheek against Trott's head, rubbing his face into his hair

 **Three** : Ross is glad he remembered to pack pajama pants. He normally doesn't wear them, except in winter.

 **Three** : He checks on Shiloh while Smith and Trott head for the bedroom.

 **Leon** : She's been sleeping outside. He doesn't want to get dog fur all over the camp.

 **Leon** : Smith is a bit torn, because he doesn't want to overwhelm Trott, and they've slept in the same bed before, so maybe he should be in the middle so Trott is outside. But he also wants Ross to get to hold Trott if they want.

 **Three** : Ross comes in, to see Smith waffling there and Trott just sort of staring.

 **Three** : He touches Trott's shoulder carefully.

 **Three** : "Trott, do you want one side or the middle?"

 **Leon** : Part of Trott desperately wants the security of them both beside him

 **Leon** : But he's also very unsure if that'll be okay.

 **Three** : "You can always swap spots if you don't like."

 **Leon** : "I think I want to be in the middle, if that's okay"

 **Three** : "Course it is."

 **Three** : Ross herds them towards the bed.

 **Three** : "Ross farts in his sleep," Smith says unexpectedly.

 **Three** : "That's Shiloh," Ross retorts.

 **Leon** : "how would you know. You're asleep" Trott points out

 **Three** : "Because I've dealt with dog farts for years now, Trott."

 **Three** : Smith laughs, and the tension of the moment is eased.

 **Leon** : Trott settles between them, not sure if this is going to involve a lot of cuddling or not, the time he stayed with Smith was different than normal. So he feels like he doesn't know

 **Three** : Smith playing with Trott's hand. Ross watching them both with a faint smile.

 **Leon** : Ross moves closer to Trott, "Trott I'm going to hold you, okay?" Running a hand down his side

 **Three** : Trott makes a faint sound of assent.

 **Three** : Ross has wanted to do this for so long.

 **Leon** : Ross curls against his back with a happy sigh into Trott's hair

 **Leon** : "I've thought about this so much Trott. Thank you for letting me"

 **Three** : Trott doesn't know what to say.

 **Three** : Smith smiles at him.

 **Three** : "I'm glad you came," he says quietly, yawning.

 **Leon** : "me too" Trott says. He's still very aware of the both of them, their arms around him. But he hasn't panicked, and he's still telling himself he's safe here. He feels it, but that almost makes the worry worse. But he's safe. He reminds himself. Closing his eyes and listening to Ross and Smith's asleep breathing

 **Three** : "Tom would have liked you," Smith says, his voice edging into sleep. "I know he would." His hand squeezes Trott's.

 **Leon** : Trott nods. Not sure what to say, but he knows that means a lot.

 **Three** : I think they try to do some things, from there on out, that are the three of them. Ross is very conscious of not pushing Trott's boundaries too much too soon. But he likes being able to have them both to hug.

 **Three** : Ross and Smith can at least take some of their pent up sexual tension and vent it with each other, when it is just the two of them.

 **Leon** : Lots of make outs and sex

 **Leon** : And talking about things they might want to do with Trott

 **Three** : Lazy evenings curled up together.

 **Three** : the slow process of wooing Trott

 **Leon** : Trott spends time with them too. And there's times he doesn't want to leave bit does

 **Leon** : Because the thought of anything more than the clothed and chaste touching they've been doing is definitely overwhelming

 **Leon** : He doesn't want to go from that to them both wanting to focus on him.

 **Three** : Smith is antsy so often with how much he wants to kiss Trott

 **Three** : goes jogging with his headphones in to try to quell the excess emotion

 **Three** : Ross is a lot more patient

 **Leon** : Having a quiet evening. Takeout and a movie at Ross's place

 **Leon** : Trott is taking the trash down to the large bin. Comes back to Smith and Ross kissing on the couch. Stops just inside the door, filled with longing. "Should I go home?" Ross pulls away from Smith. Shakes his head. "Trott." Holds out his hand toward Trott.

 **Three** : Smith's cheeks are flushed, his eyes dark, and he has that lazy, beautiful look to him.

 **Three** : Trott washing his hands to buy himself a moment to breathe, and walks over to the couch.

 **Leon** : "You don't have to do anything. Just be here?" Smith scoots forward while Ross talks, holding Trott's hands.

 **Three** : Daringly kissing Trott's knuckles.

 **Leon** : Trott nods. Settles behind Smith. Feeling his happy noise when Ross kisses him again, pushing them both back against the armrest.

 **Three** : Trott petting Smith, who is making all those happy, needy little noises he makes when he's kissed. Ross is always very thorough about it. He likes how Smith gets more and more pliant the more he's kissed.

 **Leon** : Trott breathlessly watching them. Ross glancing at him occasionally to make sure he's alright. One of his hands on Trott's leg

 **Three** : The other holding Smith's face, sliding up into his hair and down his neck. Smith reaching blindly for Trott's hand, holding it tight.

 **Leon** : Ross pushing against Smith, and Trott making a quiet noise because he's very close to being overwhelmed. But not. And they look so good, and feel good, even when he's not being kissed

 **Three** : Ross kissing down Smith's throat, Smith's head tipped back against Trott's.

 **Three** : Smith's utterly content to be sandwiched between them.

 **Leon** : Trott kisses Smith's face

 **Three** : Smith makes another of those happy little noises and squeezes Trott's hand.

 **Leon** : Ross smiles at Trott

 **Leon** : Ross is very happy to have Trott here. He and Smith hadn't really known how to tell him he doesn't have to leave, even if he can't participate much.

 **Three** : "He is shockingly loud," Ross stage whispers to Trott. "It made Shiloh howl last time."

 **Three** : "Smith! You said you wouldn't tell him about that!"

 **Leon** : Trott laughs, and looks at them. "Poor Shiloh"

 **Three** : "I should buy her some ear protectors," Ross muses.

 **Leon** : Trott laughs harder

 **Three** : "You're both the worst," Smith grumbles.

 **Leon** : "says the guy who chooses to date us" Ross squeezes Trott's thigh with his hand. Smiling at him "want me to show you how noisy he is Trott?"

 **Three** : Trott nods, mouth gone dry. "If you don't mind me just watching."

 **Three** : "He'd like that, wouldn't you Smith?"

 **Leon** : "god yes. Please" Smith is very eager now. Pushing at Ross because the bed is over THERE

 **Three** : Ross pulling them both up to their feet, holding Trott's hand and with an arm around Smith's waist

 **Three** : Smith already trying to peel his clothes off

 **Leon** : Ross let's Smith go before he gets tangled in his clothes

 **Three** : "Do you want to sit on the bed with us, or should I get you a chair?" he asks Trott.

 **Leon** : "bed, is fine. I think I'd feel weird if I’m not close to you"

 **Leon** : Trott is forever glad that Ross makes this just seem normal. Not like it's a big deal for Trott to need things.

 **Three** : Smith flings himself down on the bed, and holds out a hand to Trott.

 **Three** : His clothes are strewn in a trail to the bed.

 **Three** : Ross shakes his head, more carefully pulling off his shirt.

 **Leon** : Trott let's himself be tugged onto the bed, Smith hugging him close while he watches Ross

 **Three** : Smith is always struck by how Ross looks like a piece of greek sculpture

 **Three** : "God he is good looking isn't he"

 **Leon** : Trott nods. Watching too, and looking at Smith. "So are you."

 **Three** : Smith nuzzling Trott before Ross climbs onto the bed on his other side.

 **Three** : Ross kissing Smith's shoulders, pushing him down on his back.

 **Leon** : Trott half sits against the headboard running fingers through Smith's hair

 **Leon** : Ross reaches for Trott, putting his hand on Trott's cheek for a moment

 **Three** : "I'm glad you're here," Ross says quietly.

 **Three** : Smith hums an agreement, eyes half closed from Trott's hand in his hair and the press of Ross against him

 **Leon** : "tell me if it's weird?" Trott shifts, trying to find a comfortable spot that doesn't put him in the way

 **Three** : Ross nods, and looks down at Smith.

 **Three** : "Don't scream in Trott's ear."

 **Three** : Smith snorts.

 **Three** : He gasps though, as Ross' hand slides over his stomach and lower to tease him.

 **Leon** : Trott watches both of them. The happy and self satisfied smile Ross has as Smith instantly loses track of being indignant once Ross is touching him.

 **Leon** : Trott kisses Smith's forehead, wanting to hold the both of them more and tell them he loves them, but not sure how to.

 **Three** : Smith clings with one hand to Trott, the other sliding back and forth over Ross' shoulder as Ross kisses his neck.

 **Three** : "You're so easy," Ross murmurs, amused and loving.

 **Leon** : "stop teasing and fuck me Ross, please." Smith is breathless, and much as he wants this to last he also really wants to get off

 **Three** : "Is that what you want?" Ross runs his fingers along the crease of where Smith's leg joins his body, knowing it makes him jump and shiver every time.

 **Three** : Trott can feel his heart beating faster, eyes flicking back and forth between them.

 **Leon** : Smith jerks at Ross's touch "Y-es" he says, turning his face toward Trott. "Trott?" Smith asks, wanting to make sure this is okay, and he's not feeling left out

 **Three** : "I'm right here, sunshine." Trott shifts and sits so Smith can rest his head against Trott's thigh.

 **Three** : He strokes Smith's hair back from his forehead.

 **Leon** : Smith hums happily

 **Three** : Ross grabs the lube out of his bedside table, and scoots down on the bed. Kisses Smith's hip bone as he wets his fingers. He likes this part, the way Smith writhes and makes noises while Ross prepares him.

 **Leon** : The way Smith is always so expressive, every time.

 **Leon** : And now Smith has himself almost turned, face pressed against Trott's leg and holding one of his hands

 **Three** : Ross coaxes Smith onto his elbows and knees. Smith practically has his head in Trott's lap, and Ross looks at Trott to make sure it is okay.

 **Three** : Ross stroking Smith, wringing little moans out of him.

 **Leon** : Trott is just watching, heart pounding and trying to keep his breathing even. Smith's shuddery moans and Ross flushed cheeks, watching the both of them.

 **Three** : Ross biting his lip as he pushes slowly into Smith.

 **Three** : It's always difficult to go slow because Smith begs and pushes back into him.

 **Leon** : Smith arching his back clutching at Trott and the blankets "please, please Ross"

 **Three** : Ross making soothing noises, gripping Smith's hips. Holds himself still for a moment, getting used to the sensations.

 **Three** : Trott swallowing hard, touching Smith's cheek.

 **Leon** : Smith presses his face against Trott's hand, looking up with that hazy unfocussed look of his

 **Leon** : Eyes closing as Ross moves

 **Three** : When Ross starts moving, Smith moans even louder than before.

 **Three** : Smith's incoherent noises are all slurred words.

 **Leon** : Trott can make out his name and Ross' amidst the moans

 **Three** : Ross breathing hard, fucking Smith hard. The sound of his hips slapping against Smith.

 **Leon** : Trott nearly frozen in place, clutching one of Smith's hands and biting his lip

 **Three** : Ross leaning forward over Smith, sliding a hand underneath to stroke him. Murmuring breathless encouragements and praise to him.

 **Leon** : Smith shaking, Trott can hear the change in his voice, and knows Ross does to, Ross looks up at him and says to Smith "come on Smith, come for Trott"

 **Three** : The words electrify Smith, who cries out loudly as he comes, the sound high and ragged.

 **Three** : His hands clutch tightly at Trott and the bedspread.

 **Three** : Ross slows just a little.

 **Leon** : Ross isn't far behind Smith, swearing and biting his lip

 **Three** : Trott can see the way his throat moves, his head tilted back. Smith is making little keening noises, rubbing his face against Trott's leg and just utterly gone.

 **Three** : Ross is quieter, his words just slightly more clear.

 **Leon** : Trott watches Ross, his shoulders trembling as he slows, pulls away from Smith only to come up next to him and wrap his arms around Smith. Kissing his face, reaching out for Trott to come lay down with them

 **Three** : The two of them curl up around Smith, who makes little noises.

 **Leon** : Smith holding Trott to him, pressing his face into Trott's shirt.

 **Leon** : "Ross is right. You do make good noises Smith" Trott says quietly

 **Three** : Smith huffs quietly. But he kisses Trott's shirt.

 **Three** : Ross smiles, eyes closed.

 **Leon** : "Ross can be noisy to. You just have to give him a blowjob while fingering him"

 **Leon** : Smith says loftily

 **Three** : Ross' eyes snap open and he blushes.

 **Three** : Trott smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks! Perhaps a bit of an open ending. But then again, this is a story about life.
> 
> Our stories aren't over just yet, and we will never quite know what is to come.
> 
> As always, thank you dear readers for sticking this through. This is quite long, and heavy. But it brought me catharthis of a sort, and I hope it does the same for you. Thanks again to Three, my partner in crime. You are always an inspiration, and these stories we tell matter so much to me.  
> "I love to read the words you used" - _Bastille_ , The Things We Lost in the Fire
> 
>  
> 
> -Leon


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